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Why?

June 23, 2010 Comments off

Why is it in a person’s custom to introduce themselves to an anonymous someone answering a phone in an office somewhere?

If you’re calling an individual in some rergard- it’s understandable, necessary and polite… but if you’re calling a public office or a business, such as a customer service center and you’re not required to identify your account- then why are you stating your name?

Who cares who the fuck you are?

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Why when you give someone exactly what they are looking for- because you know what they need, since it’s your job to recognize their needs as soon as they state them clearly- do those people question your determination- if they came to you for the answer they couldn’t figure out for themselves in the first place?

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Why are most people opposed to clear communication? Why must they find the path most complicated towards reaching their goal- when communicating?

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Why can’t most people just recognize, and answer, a Yes or No question when asked?

Why must they respond with a story? An elaboration on details that if they were of any consequence – you would’nt have had to interrupt them with a Yes or No question.

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Why can’t people learn to simply ask for what they want in a direct way? Why must people approach the attaining of information by telling you a story? Is this some ghetto form of communication I simply do not comprehend?

Why must I interrupt a “story” and ask- “What are you looking for?” – “What can I help you with?” – “Who do you want to speak to!?”??

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These questions plague my mind every single god damned day, before and after I pick up the phone at work, several, and I mean several times- throughout the day.

People are generally stupid it seems. They clog their lives with unecessary irrelevant habits and customs preventing them from acheiving their goals, by preventing them from their own clarity of thought.

This, is the first and foremost reason I sincerely believe mankind is doomed to eventual extinction.

Most, are stupid in these ways and are followers who need to be led, but leaders are corrupt. Greed for money and power ruin any possibility of the evolutionary advancement of the human race.

There is no talking sense to most people. Instead of trying to get to a higher point- a point of progression- a mutual advanced understanding- all most people want to do is make it an arguement, and win that arguement- so they feel like they accomplished something- even if in accomplishing it- they held up their own advancement- and especially if they held up yours.

Misery, loves company they say. And the human race, however benevolent or gracious they may think they are- are miserable.

I’m for the closing of this chapter in the history of existence. This human thing is a failure.

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I bet they don’t approve my comment…

The Blog is called Say it Ain’t So Already where you can go and see the post for the day- 6/21/2010. This is my comment to the post- and I just bet they won’t allow it on the site.

“Sh8t happens. You should have thought about what kind of pelicans you wanted your kids to know before the oil spill and done what you could to make sure regulation of the oil companies was in order. But of course- like most Americans, we don’t give a flying pelicans ass until the fit hits the shan- BECAUSE we didn’t care to pay attention before. So quit your crying and pseudo martydom for your kids- you’ve done a great job at showing them the effects of complacency and non-involvement along with the effects there-from.

You should now be teaching them what fun a greasy pelican can be. God’s pelicans- you kill me! Ha! – HA! God’s Pelican IS the one with tthe oil on it! Or are you not a creature under your own god’s brow? God made you and everyone else complacent- made the oil companies advantageous of that complacency- and now an oily pelican! God WANTED to oils up mother nature and hey- we can all guess what happens after god oils her up! That’s betwen them- if they like involving pelicans in their activities- we should all just respect god’s little fetishes.

Hilarious Post- thanks for the laugh!”

Correction; not “your kids” but your “2 year old friend”… Don’t get me started.

Good Morning Jehovah!

I work for the City of New York I’ve sometimes revealed. The office in which will remain a mystery to you. But an occasional perk of my employment and the location of my office is the opportunity to have a seat in City Hall Park when I have time before work. In the spring and summer the fountain is pretty cool. Relaxing. I don’t give a flying fuck about the law, but I used to work for the Parks Department, so if I want a smoke, I’ll stand just outside of the park and have that before I go in and take a bench.

Now, in any wilderness you have predators of course. Those predators lurk in areas the prey would frequent. In this concrete wilderness the predators seem to lurk about in the oasis’ of Parks. To cal them predators is probably flattering, and it depends on the prey of course- but sometimes I see them more like scavengers. Like vultures. And it seems the Predator or Vulture must like this particular park, as it’s been my experience on more than one occasion to be approached with “a question” regarding either life or the world in general- but all in all question is always bait to lead you into a conversation about Christ.

Today’s Vulture was a Jehovah’s witness.

Well Jesus H. Christ I thought to myself.

Nice enough guy, but do I really look like a lost soul?

I wasn’t thinking about God at the moment to tell you the truth. I rarely do that anymore. for myself- i got that shit all figured out. I was just having my smoke taking in the scenery, rather habitually checking out the passers by, thinking about the great morning I just had with my girlfriend and how lucky I am- getting used to that feeling really- and here comes this guy with his “question”.

After I grant permission for him to enter my world like allowing a vampire to enter your home, “What do you think would need to change” he asks, “to make the world a better place?”

Off the top of my head, I answer “Government”. And I know him already- this guy, his type. He’s a nicer one than usual. I don’t sense that aire of condescention coming from him, like the thought behind his eyes that must go something like “fudge, I have to convert this (insert racial epithet of your choice here so as not to sully this post with my ethnic distinction and to allow you to personalize the experience)?” As has been the case at times. No, this guy seems genuine and nice. But little does he know…

He may not the actual predator at the park today. His will not be the predominant message, and he may not be the one to walk away from the conversation having converted anyone- but maybe- just maybe, he may be the one converted.

We talk for a while and he busts out the little bible and drops some quotes on me. We talk a while longer and I see I’ve got a ringer here. This guy is a true believer. Blind faith… Nothing blind is gonna see you anywhere I like to say.

Now comes MY baited question…

“So you wanna know what I beleive in?”

this is after I gauged him well with a “so what about gay marriage?” query- threw him off while he tried to answer and simultaniously figure out if I was gay. Releived him by saying after his bible-assisted answer, “as a straight man with gay friends, theyre great people and any kind of future in any kind of society has to include all its citizens, not admonish or jusdge them for whomever they choose to be, but accept them and make room for them under new categories of law if not ammending the ones already in place”…

From him: Bla – bla – bla – bible. Something about angels and Sodom and Gamorah???

I thought to myself- Seriously? In this day and age? Angels?

But anyway, my question was what I beleived in, and I told him- Everything is Energy. You, I, the gate I’m leaning on, the bible in your hand- the thoughts in your mind are all Energy- and to me- THAT is God. Religion- the bible, the koran, the talmud, all written by man in times of little understanding of the world around them. No sooner would you follow a modern day psychic today- but you follow one six thousand years old right there in your hand. No offense I said, but thats how I’ve coem to reconcile religion in my journey to define God. I’ve been on the verge of converting to and adopting almost all the popular theologies- so it doesn’t come with a light heart that I share this with you- and I don’t think aout this all the time either- but since you brought it up- here it is. God is the energy that binds us all- all living things and all matter existing on this earth and likely the universe around us. As with your scripture and many others, to know the name of God would likely destroy you- and so it would be if you could comprehend with our limited capacity- 10% of our brains is what we can use according to science?- the relationship between all matter in this universe.

I told him there was a book written called Three Magic Words and I couldn’t remember the author then, but right now I recall it being Wayne Dyer (i think), and the three magic words- were You Are God. In it’s way if not directly- this book described the theory of energy I feel I have discovered for myself- and I’ve found others who have done the same.

If you and I, I told him, accept our responsibility as Gods, being the givers and takers of life that we are- both figuratively and literally- then with that mutual respect, I think between us we can make our acquaintance a good one. When you and I part ways- we will give each other life by imparting positive energy between us- we will shake nads, and respect each other and wish each other a good day. If only but in an infinitessimal fraction of influence- we have given each other life- instead of cursing each other and taking life away. The energy we exchange will carry on and effect the rest of our day- and by relation the rest of the people in our lives. This is God. This, what we can do here and now, between us, if done by the rest of the world- will make the world a better place. Love, what Jesus supposedly taught- and respect.

And we didnt need thousand year old text, names of gods, rules and regulations, the threat of hell or admonsihment or excommunication or expelsion to make this happen.

All we needed to do was accept that we are creatures of this earth, we are comprised of the same stuff everything else and everyone else around us is, and we have to respect each other for the power we have equally to give, and take life- as gods of our universe.

We didnt need a third party as most religions seem to proliferate- to mediate, threaten or dictate.

Well Mr. Jehovah seemed to have glossy eyes now. Glazed over with maybe being overwhelmed. I don’t think he liked the part where I said my theory explains his, and his and every other theology are just evolutionary pre-texts to mine.

He closed the dialogue as quickly as he could, we shook hands as I said we would, and wished each other a good day. He went his way and I went mine. I long since finished my cigarette and strolled over to a bench where I continued thinking about the hot sexy morning I had with my girlfriend and how lucky I’ve been in love lately… in the distance over to the right of me I could see my Vulture turned Prey form moments before… Striking up a conversation with a cougar sitting by herself.

It’s too bad he can’t just continue his day and enjoy his life- he has to do that thing he did with me all over again in the name of his … God?

Good luck buddy. It’s the year 2010. How long are you going to keep that recruitment thing up? It’s no wonder religion is still holding man-kind back, when guys like that are so eager to follow, instead of lead in their own lives.

Gawd.

How a caveman saves my life each day…

This is an old one I think about in unrelated ways so many times each day the challenge in writing about it now is peeling it off the insides of my mind without tearing it to shreds like that as-is sale price sticker that’s razor cut in all directions (and you can’t imagine why they do this to the sticker?) on the trendy chairs you bought from Ikea for your kitchen that you would have never paid full price for since really theyre just a little wood and cheap metal screwed together- but youre truly grateful for the opprotunity since without them the favorite picture of your girlfriend laughing in a little black dress where she looks amazing and so happy would have never been possible.

Can you say run-on-sentence?

But yes, I digress, and not only to impress…

So every day we hear about this or that which effects our lives in a negative way- remember the Acid Rain craze back in the day? Did I just date myself? If so- fuck it, maybe you’re too young to get in this club. Most recently- Salt is the enemy- right? I just read how Semen has cholesterol in it- what will this do to my sex life? Now you’re wondering if I’m gay- aren’t you?

But seriously folks, how many other things are we always hearing from the media? I remember being told to drink alot of water if I wanted to lose weight. Then years later- hearing how drinking too much water can literally kill you!

Too much coffee is bad for you- but yet, now the body supposedly gets water from wherever it needs it- liquid or solid that’s ingested- right? Having lived on coffee for days on end myself- I can attest to this fact. Too much coffee will not kill you. It will only make your pee smell fresh brewed.

And ladies, Semen is 99% water- only 1% Sperm, so as long as your man is eating a lot of fruit for taste- come on down and wet-yer-whistle!

I’m waiting for the new studies that are bound to come out on Sugar- no one is using Sugar, Sucre, Azucar anymore are they? It’s SO bad for us! I just came from Starbucks now and I couldn’t subsidize my guilty pleasure visit by stealing a little Splenda because everyone else seems to prefer it over the pink and blue brands (or they’re stealing it before I can)- which I won’t mention by name because I am making a mental note to buy Splenda stock man, wtf, can’t support or advertise the competition after all.

I’m waiting- and I can bet we’ll get both an alert about sweeteners and the health risks associated to them- again- and the benefits of natural sugar in our diets- like with drinking. Moderation – moderation – moderation. A little bit of anything- isn’t a bad thing.

Except Dick- right ladies? Is it just me or god dammit don’t ladies just want more and more dick? If I have to hear ready for round four one more time – I’m tellin’ ya I’m just gonna lop it off. You hold your breath till I do. But seriously, if dick were salty, there’d be some high choleterol havin’ bitches out there. And ladies, if you’re thinking- but wait- dick IS salty- then you need to tell your man to take a bath.

And don’t get me wrong- I’m not gonna go gay because of too much pussy- no way. But I may take a break for a minute and play my xbox. I’m just saying- give a guy a break- act like I can’t get it so I wanna chase it, and then you ‘ll get all you want.

Moderation when it comes to Dick too. Moderation Media! Tell the ladies!

But that’s what they do- the media- telling us the obvious- because we’re too stupid to figure it out for ourselves.

Like with Soda-pop? Yeah I said pop. I like the way it sounds.

Soda is baaaaad for you said the nanny goat. Tax dat shit!

Well I can’t remember any more of these examples but you get the gist of it- and my whole thing is- fuck it.

Did I suprise you? Not if you’ve read my blog before I didn’t.

A fucking Cave Man saves my life every god damned day. Because if I want some Sugar, I’ll have it. If I want a Cigarette- I’ll have it. If I want one more drink- I’ll have it. If I want a bag of Doritos that are packed with preservatives and Salt, a Steak, another cup of Coffee, or anything someone else may say “hey- that’s not so good for you- you better watch it” I say fuck it, deep fry me another!

Why? Because I think of the Cave Man… No one was around looking into shit and broadcasting to Bedrock how this that and the other thing is bad for you today- and OK for you tomnorrow as long as you don’t do too much.

The Cave Man did what the fuck he wanted, when he wanted, as he needed and as he pleased. He lived loud and proud and didn’t have to be gay to say so. He wasn’t “trying” to live any longer than what was coming to him. He was content living Today- and if he saw some cute cave woman ass he wanted to take a bite out of- he didn’t think to himself “hmm, that ass may be high in cholesterol”. Nope, he just bonked her over the head and bit that ass. Yum!

Maybe a little salty considering the times, what with no soap and all.

Find me the gliph where the Cave Man was bitchin about the price of… Anything! You know the saying. But you dont see any cave paintings depicting toomuch fat on the mamoth meat so eat the shrubs instead do ya? No. Cave Man didn’t give a shit.

That helps me out in my daily decision making process believe it or not.

Of course I think of one other thing… the occasional story we hear of the athlete or just the plain clean living guy who keels over of a heart attack one day. He was a vegetarian, ran x amount of miles a week- never smoked a day in his life and said No to drugs – god bless’em!

Give him back his last day of life and I bet that fucker would fuck a high priced hooker without a condom while eating a steak and doing lines of coke off her back and wash it all down with a beer and shot of Yeager between puffs off his Malboro 100’s.

Point is, this is life mother fuckers. Live it.

Of course, don’t over do it to a point you’re not enjoying yourself anymore- because then you’re just a dick. But please, Vegans for example- lighten the fuck up. Yes, we are human and we CAN be above it- but really? Why should we?

Our very existence on this planet- the way we are- our society- so called humanity- by nature extinguishes life around us.

Who was better than us? The Eskimos? Fuckers killed whales and seals to live- had their numbers increased- do you thiknk they’d have an Eskimo Greenpeace? No. The Polar Bears would have been next.

Who else? The American Indians? They already smoked Tobacco and the wacky tabaccy when Europeans got here to fuck them up. Thay had and still have Peyote, and well, they would have invented Cocaine and Alcoholic beverages eventually with their sense of experimantation- so really? We’d still have a polluted and used up world one way or another. There is no pure human race. At it’s best- humanity can only be delayed in destroying the Earth. There is no stopping it. If there is- prove me the fuck wrong.

I told a Greenpeace guy the other day- in response to his jovial opener “hey! you look like an environemtally concious kind of guy!” – I said “really? that’s funny cause’ I’m a nihalist” as I tipped my Starbucks at him and lit a cigarette after he made a snide comment about “good luck with that”- for which I thanked him of course. No need to be rude to the panzy.

I just thought to myself- if the fit WAS to hit the shan- I’d like to find him and ask him to go save a whale instead of thnking about his own survival.

Me? I’ll eat Him for dinner when the zombie’s rise. Shit, there are some days in recent history that this fucker better stay away from the barbeque sauce if I’m broke three days to payday- he’s out saving a whale? The fucking audacity of this asshole when there are people starving on the streets!

And why the fuck is he on my New York City sidewalk when he should be swimming around int he gulf saving a fucking pelican that didnt know any better and would have died if dumb bleeding heart humans didnt take it upon themselves to save the fucking pelican’s life anyway!

I mean seriously?!?! If the Pelican, with its huge underbeak, were known for lets say… stealing babies by swooping down and grabbing them up in their beak sack and hauling them away to be slowly picked at and eaten alive for weeks.. do you think we’d be saving them from the gulf disaster?

Nope. I’m sure humans would be like – good, die baby killer.

Well I bet the Pelican kills enough fish babies- why dotn you care abotu that and let the buird just die. It’s nature! Leave it alone!

If the Pelican survives now, in numbers greater than nature dictated, and in their population they develop a strain of bacteria that would have otherwise been culled by nature- a bacteria that attacks the human immune system- and one we can’t find a cure for because we need one now that we’ve weakened our own natural immune systems with anti-biotics for sure- then who do we blame for that perversion of nature?

I’m not cleaning no pelicans that’s for sure. I respect every creature’s right to commit stupi-cide. If that creature is too stupid to stay away from some stink ass oil- maybe it deserves to die?

Maybe its the rotting corpses of all the dead sea life that would have kept the oil from reaching shore!? Maybe it’s the Pelicans and Turtles and whatever else is out there that died in the Gulf that were trying to save Us?!?! Ever think about that?

How about if those were the stupid Pelicans- and by saving them we prevented the survival of the fittest for that species and have subsequently delayed the progress of that species to reaching higher intelligence by forcing the stupid gene back into circulation when nature was trying to eliminate it so one day Pelicans can rule the world?

What if?

Remember those comics? Those were the shit.

But again- I kid thee, but seriously, what if… and I double-digress…

I gave in to a cute store bought redhead goth chick the other day and adopted a kid from her… a moment of weakness… I liked her tattoos… oh shush my girlfriend hadn’t told me she loved me yet so it’s ok… but I specifically told her “a kid from Peru”…

My mom is from Peru and there is a lot of poverty there- so though I may not always have a buck in my pocket, but I have fat on my ass that can carry me to the next meal- they don’t have that gluttonous American privilege.

Guess what? I get the thing in the mail- they gave me a kid in Colombia… I look at the receipt- Peru isnt even on that list… Fuckers jipped me and pawned off a Colombian kid… Dude I live in Woodside, I helped a Colombian kid when I went one neighborhood over to Jackson Heights and ate at Natives (on 82nd and Northern Blvd btw, Queens- excellent food!) with my girlfriend last weekend and feasted. I don’t need to adopt no Colombian kid??? They have cartels and militants and kidnappers that can do that shit over there- they don’t need Me!?!?

So you see? Cave Man could have saved me $22 right there had I listened to him. But I didn’t. Flirty goth punk chick with the nice boobies, damn.

In the end- Cavey saves my life because he makes my life richer and fuller and worth living. If I don’t listen to Cave Man and take his advice about making the most of this life while I have it- and not worrying so much about the contents of a meal or the ultimate consequences of that recreational drug, lol, and when he waxes all buddha-poetic-surfer about accepting life and its choices for you- as well as the choices you have to make- then I know I’ll end up where as he calls it- under the mammoth’s ass after breakfast.

What he means is- I’ll end up with regrets.

Pass the tostones and the chicharon, I know they’re deep fried, but theyre fucking good.

And that’s what I wanna say when I take my last breath.

That shit was fuckin gooood.

Not- I wish I had… irrk.

Thanks Cave Man!

My IDGAF hero.

(Side note; Girlfriend trumps Cave Man because she loves me- for her I GAF)

What is there to Opine on today?

Hmm, lets see… I’m sick so the general apathy I usually feel is amplified by a tenth to the I dont give a fuck multiplied by Pi.

What’s Obama up to? The financial reform bill? Fuck this, why don’t we just police all these peoples shit and tax their bonuses as income, because it IS income to those recieving them, and thats that! holy shit what is the fucking fuss? They fucked up, now you take away the privilege thats been abused- fucking basics man. I’m tired of the media placating these morons who object to obvious shit.

Tea Party… hmm, republicans who want to do bigoted shit and dont want it traced back to the republican party… need I say more? Thanks Jon Stewart for clearing that up, or was it Bill Maher?

Oh, and some Jag off said volcanoes are caused by women dressing scantily? I wish this were true so I can go jack a deisel hummer and head for the compound as armageddon ensues due to the already billions of women out there showing their god blessed sexiness, as wel as all the strippers working hard for their money- all setting the world off its axis, causing the techtonic plates to shift and the earth to open up and swallw assholes like that who make REEEEEE- diculous comments because they cant get none!

And they keep throwing up their hands…

February 18, 2010 Leave a comment

In what seems to be a gesture meant for the hopeless… Hands thrown up and walking away, another official says fuck it- you’re all going down the drain, so happy trails.

link

Now that we can put to rest the question why King Tut died…

February 16, 2010 Leave a comment

Now we can get down to the rest of the world’s problems…

Remember earlier where I said- because scientists are paying attention to something and spending time on a subject- its worth listening to- even if the science isnt exact?

I take it back.

Malaria Most Likely Killed King Tut, Scientists Say

And I say… Why do we care?

Unless youre going to tell me, “additionally, the sci-fi theorum of Stargate is now shown to be true”, I honestly do not give a flying but-tut why the boy king died, unless he was Goa’uld host.