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Father’s Day… and forgiveness.

I am disloyal to my Occasional Opinion… I know. I don’t write as much as I should. In my defense I do not want to be a journalist, and this is my disclaimer, and to theme, my forgiveness of my self.

It’s Father’s Day. A difficult day for myself and many others in the States and wherever else this day is celebrated. I put myself with those who cannot wholly celebrate this day… Those who have lost a father to natural causes, or illness, or tragedy… but more so I belong to the subset that cannot celebrate this day traditionally because they have no relationship to their father. Some in this group may never have known their fathers. Among these will be the honored countless veterans children who lost their father’s before they even drew their first breath, or shortly thereafter. My heart and gratitude goes out to these families for the sacrifice they make. Most painful today, and Mother’s Day for those who lost that parent in service to our country and way of life.

There will be those that fit into the aforementioned “tragic” circumstance or illness as well. There will be the abandoned, who through no fault of their own were simply dealt the unfair hand to have the gift of life bestowed upon them by the irresponsible or morally incapable. There will be the adopted, who can be grateful in every way for having found love and caring in the homes of those whose hearts were so big they could impart that precious kind of love to children they had not brought into this world themselves… But who at one time or another have, do, or will think of their birth parents in one way or another. There will be those exactly like me… Who had their fathers in their lives at a young age, for myself up to my later teenage years, and then for whatever reason, no longer have a relationship with them, and possibly like me, do not know if they are even still with us.

There is no group this is easier for than any other. We all, as human beings, need something from those men who fathered us, if only acknowledgement. Some may think it is easier for males than females and there may be some truth to it. There will be argument as to whom a daughter is closer with, their mother or their father, but no argument that the first man in their life should in every respect have been their father. A young lady learns how she should be treated and loved by a man, from her father. If not in how he loves his daughter, then how she sees her father love her mother. We would always hope this involves kindness, patience and love- but we know that in the world we live in that’s not always the case.

For males our fathers are our model for manhood. I’ve read in modern literature the phrase “our fathers are our models for God”, and to some respect it’s true. We learn about being a man from our fathers. We learn every aspect of manhood from that example, everything from how to play sports in some cases, making a living, success and failure, as well as how to live, and love.

When you lose a parent there will be a time you will be angry. This time can go on for years, even a life time, if not blessed with the maturity and wisdom to acknowledge it. It’s a part of loss and grieving. It’s natural. Anger is a deceptive emotion that can sometimes ingrain itself into your being so deeply that you may not even recognize it’s gone dormant for a very long time… until something sparks it to life again, and if you’re honest with yourself at that time, you could work on it from that point. This holds true for us all. You will be angry at them, at yourself, at the world, and if the loss is a living loss, you may be angry at those the parent now chooses to spend that time with. This is where forgiveness comes in of course.

It’s much like anger, this concept of forgiveness. It may be something you thought to have achieved long ago, only to find out later, maybe there’s just a little more to work on. I’ve had the concept suggested to me often, and having to be honest with myself I have to consider what it is that would inspire someone to suggest that to me? When I know, or thought I had forgiven already. You always have to consider the impression someone tells you that they’ve gotten from you whilst you are unaware of your own projected persona. In the search for truth of self- this is often the truth you can never grasp on your own, and it can be the most valuable insight to who you are- because it’s who you are perceived to be by the world around you. Perception isn’t always truth, because you have to consider the source of course- but to be an open minded person, you must consider all sources.

In that respect, I’ve come to the conclusion that much like maturity itself, maybe forgiveness isn’t something you can ever truly get to, and simply have it, or be there like climbing to the top of a mountain, where you can say there, I got it, I’m done. The processes of forgiveness themselves are so complex, with that in mind the case is made without question- it’s not something that one can simply snap their fingers to, or say the words to, and decide- they’ve forgiven. Not with issues such as these. No… maybe forgiveness, like the pain of loss, and maturity, is a living thing, growing, and changing as we go on through life. Something organic like life itself, that takes work, one day at a time, today, more than the last, and so on… and when it’s built up, maybe forgiveness needs occasional maintenance. Occasional reminders. Like Father’s Day, when it comes around.

Forgiveness as well, is a difficult concept to advise to others in this respect- because unless you’re ready to apply it to every aspect of your own life, as life happens… you can’t expect anyone else to take your example can you? No. More to the point that it’s a difficult, living tenet to work with I think. You have to be able to show it, to prove you know it.

When all other hurdles have been jumped, all obstacles met and surpassed, we have to work on forgiving the circumstances that led us to these times, and actively apply the kindness and love we would have expected of our fathers, to ourselves. We have to acknowledge the fathers we know around us, in family and friends, who are present, and fortunate enough to have that opportunity to be there for their children. As difficult as it may be, we have to try and forgive, if not simply withhold judgment of those we know that for reasons all their own, are not present for their children.

Always remembering to be humble in the fact that we all have lives that are subject to judgment in one form or another- and that we should offer outwardly what we wish to receive back from the universe.

And in the end, for all of us out there who have or hope to have the opportunity to be a father one day, not counting those who’ve suffered the loss… there is always the promise to ourselves that we will do a better job than was done for us by our fathers who are absent.

We will be safer. We will be stronger. We will be present. Supportive. Loving. Caring. And fine examples of what a man should be to our sons and daughters.

Happy Father’s Day.

Everyone.

921

Internet Dating; A guide.

January 13, 2011 Leave a comment

I know- left field right? This is an old draft I never finished, and needing a break from what I was working on- but too neurotic to do nothing at all and end up feeling like a loser who wastes time- I take a working break from work and finish up an old blog entry. In any case- not dating so much any more, at least not traditionally- eesh, never traditionally anymore (and succeeding with women more than ever as a result)- I figure why not drop this gem on ya.  when I still subscribed to the social norms of dating though, Internet Dating came in so handy in filtering out the psychos that I shudder to think what my life would be like if I hadn’t made use of it as much as I did. In fact- the most unsuccessful relationships (disasters) I’ve had- were of the real-time kind. And the clean breaks, even friendships in closing, were all of online origins. Suffice to say I have more faith in using the internet to find someone of substance to create a relationship with than I do in real-time.

The reasons I have more faith in this format than real time is a subject there may be hints to in this post- but is better suited for a follow up- for now, enjoy whatcha got.

Online Dating; A Guide

1. Check Yourself.

What are you doing? Do you know what you’re doing? Are you just following your nose around or do you have a specific course of action you intend to follow? You would be surprised how many men and women still think the internet is some kind of quaint joke and treat it as such- not realizing that it’s a real life portal into their lives and its best you mind that portal before you end up like Alice in Wonderland- falling through the rabbit hole and no way to get home.

So make up your mind as to what it is you want from this thing, and you’ll soon find your next steps much more calculated, and the responses you get will make much more sense to you- meaning you will know who is who- and what to do about each one.

There is nothing better than representing your own voice of reason- and seeing how so much else makes sense because you know who you are first.

So… If you’re dating to get out of the house- say so. If you’re dating to get married- say so. If you’re figuring things out- say so. Don’t play games.

Do you know if you are playing games? Many people think they are being real when in reality- they are full of sh*t. Sometimes by no fault of your own you won’t know that you’re full of it until later on when you outgrow it- it happens to us all. But you can try and be honest with yourself so as to save yourself the time ad trouble that comes from attracting the people who you THOUGHT you would be into- and they- expecting a person who was supposed to be for them- where everyone ends up upset.

2. Pictures.

Never post none, or one. Minimum, if specific about each, you need Three. One, face, smiling, close but not too close, shoulders in the shot? Ok, acceptable. Two, Full head to toe shot, this can be in casual dress or to the 9’s, but has to alternate from the third. Which Third, is also head to toe, but in the opposite dress style of the second photo. So you have Three, a face/head/ shoulder shot, a head to toe casual and a head to toe dressy shot.

What not to post…

Always remember you are advertising yourself- so if you choose to post pictures of you leaning on a Ferrari and you’re not looking for a sugar daddy or a fellow millionaire, lets hope its from the car show and it’s clear thats where it was taken.

This is not an opportunity to see pretty pictures of yourself online. It’s about getting the results you want, and you have to advertise appropriately.

Your pictures represent your current or your intended class and income bracket. And if you think it doesn’t show, you’re wrong- it does. A socialite posts pictures taken of her at events, and a wanna-be socialite posts pictures of her wishing she was a socialite, and it shows. If you’re looking for a fellow socialite, please post away. If you’re looking for someone to get you in the door, again, go right ahead. But if you’re not- and you’re a down to earth guy or gal, spare yourself the results you’ll get from a misguided effort.

If you’re in a bar toasting drinks and laughing uncontrollably in all your photos- you can bet that looks good to an alcoholic frat boy or graduate who wants in on the fun. Can you say date rape me? if not- well your pictures sure did.

If all your photos are of you with friends at sporting events, it says that’s what you’re into- you will get men or women who think that they have found someone who they can go tailgating with and who will always have a game to go to- with or without you. Forget about anything but football at home on Sundays.

Same goes for bikinis/ bathing suits. Yes, it can be your head to toe casual shot, and in fact it’s recommended if you want to advertise that you are in bikini/bathing suit shape, but unless you want to be objectified, I suggest only posting one and specifying in your narrative that you require anyone interested be in similar shape. If you do not follow those guidelines and you post two or more scantily clad pictures, and you do not specify that it’s there because you want to show someone that they should be in similar shape and it’s important to you- then you WILL have perverts (more than usual) responding to the advertisement that you are looking for cheap sex.

Don’t shoot the messenger- I’m just giving it to you straight.

Scenery- why? Unless you really do mean the generic overused statement “I like/ love to travel” and even then- why? Unless you are in the shot under the guidelines stated- It communicates that you are stupid. You have no recognition of the forum’s purpose and you have no regard for wasting people’s time. If you are this way in real life- then yes, certainly post a picture of the Eifel Tower, the leaning tower of Pisa and the Grand Canyon, all without anyone in the picture. You will get someone who wants to hear about your trips, not someone who really cares who you are- again, unless you are your trips, and not a real person.

3. Do not pay for it.

It’s a scam. and the more successful the site says they are- they just mean how successful they are at hooking people into becoming serial daters. There are no good intentions in business, other than the intention to make money off of a customer- repeatedly if possible. You KNOW this, so why all of a sudden do you think that a website of all places, has come to the forefront in your search for adoration and love of the human kind? the website and it’s founders do not care about you or your happiness. They care about their happiness. They care about their own comfort- and how much of your money they can get to make that happen. The emlpoyees- they care about paying their bills. And if it means making you the crackhead of dating- then hey- smoke up baby! Don’t pay for it. make your name on the site, your e mail name or make a name up and then go get a free e mail account at an open ISP like Gmail or Yahoo and make it out to the same name. This way when you write your narrative, you can bury a hint in there like “Gee” if you wanted to get in touch with me it’s not that hard” or “It’s not that hard to get in touch with a Yahoo like me” – but likely you’ll have to be more clever than that and space the name up like “y ah oo” to get past the filters they have in place to reject your narrative and have you rewrite it.

Consider this as well;

If you are serious about finding a person for yourself this is very important for you to consider…

Let’s use one of the most popular websites for example- one that literally absorbed some of it’s competition to become the site it is today, I’m talking about Match.com, who absorbed Love@aol, AOL’s personal’s service and another I can’t remember, I think it may have been MSN’s equivalent.

If you join Match.com as a paying member, and you are serious about finding One person- then you are in the worst of situations. why? Because if you actually do find someone you are more than visually interested in, meaning you have some interests in common and you appreciate and understand their method of communication, then you might feel the inclination to break the ice- either by the (also free) option of Winking, or by (paying members only) sending an e mail.

In either case- once you crossed that boundary and are either waiting for a Wink back so you can feel your advance is welcome, or you’re waiting for an email reply- you are confronted with at least three other candidates that their system has deemed close enough to who you were interested in- as soon as you click Send.

of course you might think to yourself, Sure, I’ll just ignore them. And you might. The first time. If your interesting potential mate answers your wink or e mail and you go out and have a great time, soon after engaged and married- then never mind- you are the exception. But if your potential mate for whatever reason- does not respond, or rejects you- you can count on you not ignoring those three potential runners up the next time around- and why will you do this?

BECAUSE YOU ARE A PAYING MEMBER.

As a consumer- when is it you pay for something and don’t make it a point to get your money’s worth? Almost never. So, like I said- maybe, just maybe you can resist and focus on that one person’s response the first time- but not the second, or from that point on. Most people take what’s put in front of them. and when Match.com or any other site offers you three potential extra matches, and three more, and three more, and three more for as long as you reach out  to any single one- you will slowly fall into their trap of becoming a serial dater.

You will adapt to the mentality- rather unwittingly- that there is always something better around the corner. Always another option, or three, just a click away.

So you can even be on a date and as you are getting to know someone, and instead of listening open mindedly and acceptingly, imparting that kindness to another that you would like imparted to you for your flaws and humble indiscretions- you are listening only for the items that will exclude this person from the perfect image you have in your mind of the person you think would deserve your full affection. You’re going off a checklist in your mind cutting this person down at the first thing they reveal that even comes close to resembling something potentially wrong. Why? Because you’ve been clicking on the next three options way too long. You’re brainwashed into thinking that if a person has one flaw- there is no reason to extend them just a little understanding (what a relationship might be about), because there are plenty other fish in the sea.

When in reality- there aren’t.

The older you get- the more people pair up, have children, either stay together or divorce, but all-in-all, have lives they aren’t that ready to repeat with those who dished out the neverending line of rejection.

The people who have relationships are those who extend each other understanding, make exceptions, teach and learn- ultimately growing together. When those tenets are broken, so are the relationships.

Examine any relationship you like- you will find that last statement to be true.

Now, who have you become, if you won’t even get out of the starting gate because a website has taught you to nix a person you found attractive at the first sign of trouble?

Alone.

If you are a non-paying member, and cleverly hide a hint to how one can get in touch with you outside their system, then you are guaranteed two things that no price of membership can guarantee you…

1. The person making contact with you ACTUALLY READ what you had to say. How else did they get to the point where you dropped your hint unless they took the time to read?

2. They are willing to do more to earn your attention than the minimum or to merely PAY for it via a cheap membership to a website.

If you think you have some sort of security in your search results because those reaching you have paid for a membership- think again. If you’re a paying member or ever have been, then you know from experience- there was no mental evaluation or security screening when you joined was there? As long as you have internet access (an internet cafe in Kenya will do) and an e mail address (plenty of free email accounts are available out there), then you can become a paying member of a website as long as you have a bank account or a credit card. Last I heard, child molesters and ex cons can have both, and if they have bad credit a pre-paid credit card is easy enough to get too.

You actually are more secure waiting for the responses from those who took the time to read through your ad- something that a spammer or scammer will never bother to do.

I’ll tell you this- in the time I had my ad up, I never got spam because of it. Spammers, Search engines and Worms that travel through the internet seek out obvious indicators to e mail addresses. This is why if you sell your couch on craigslist and bypass their anonymous e mail by putting your own out there- you get a ton of spam. The @ symbol alone triggers them. Since what you have is a hint buried in text- they don’t look for you or can find you.

The only people reaching you will be those people genuinely interested in you.

Other benefits to this method include not having t0o wade through a ton of emails from people who are just fishing for attention. For “nice” guys it may be women who want to use you for a night out on your dime. For serious minded women, it will be a ton of losers who just want to get laid.

You can put your ad up- and go about your life. The way it should be. if you’re putting so much emphasis on finding a significant other- it’s likely that you aren’t very significant to yourself first. You know what they say- Love shows up when you least expect it- and if you look for it, you’ll never find it. So post your ad- like a flag on a hill, and work on your career, your body, your friendships, your life. Every once in a while you’ll get an e mail from some one who by getting in touch with you has already shown that at least they stand out from the crowd enough to go the extra mile. And that’s something you don’t get from sitting at a bar either waiting for a guy to buy you a drink, or waiting for a girl to say sure- I’ll have a…

Again, if you’re looking to use the internet as an extension of the singles bar- go ahead. There are plenty half wits out there doing the same and its just as easy to fail on the internet- and complain about it not doing the work for you of course- for you to find plenty of dates and the occasional rape. But if you recognize the fact that the internet is an amazing screening tool you can use to cut down on the amount of wasted time, effort and money wasted in the pursuit of love with the wrong people- and you use it as such- uncompromisingly- then you will see that when you do meet someone that passes your individualized set of filters, that the experience you have is much better than the thoughtless one you were putting yourself through before, whether it results in a friendship or love.

Over and Out.

Following up…

November 15, 2010 Leave a comment

The list is as follows…

~ Racism, yes, still. Entitlement, and the phenomenon of disassociation.

~ Blogging, on my production sheet?

~ Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of.

~ And relatives, the holidays, and the stress that comes with. Believe me, as with most things “me”, you haven’t heard this take on the subject yet.

Last entry, the first issue wore me out. I’ll try and keep the update brief. 

So I am still waiting to hear back from Facebook and Word Press on their reaction/ response to the open use of hate speech (what I’ve come to term it) on their sites. In research for some images to put up with this entry I found it interesting that there was a Cafe Press shop dedicated to the very word in question! Openly offering bumper stickers and other items not only with the word “beaner”, but mocking the ethnicities associated to that word with “I love…” and other phrases including a reference to the I.N.S.

Now, it occurs to me, as it obviously would by the lack of response and commentary to this matter from both the organizations in question and the public (a total of one person weighed in seriously), that the value of a racial epithet, or rather the value of it’s offensiveness is dependant only on the ethnicity’s willingness to stand up against it.

I made the point in my e mail to Cafe Press, that if I were to go open a shop with them emblazoning the N word, swastikas, and antisemitic rhetoric, ethnic mocking and other “more popularly accepted” forms of hate speech, I would hope they notice and stop me.

For this word though, it seems no one cares? Not the people at WordPress, not Facebook, and I have to be fair and give Cafe Press the chance to weigh in, but it may be they don’t care either.

It seems too many people consider this a point of humor to even realize it’s racist. Part of the reason I despise the comedian Carlos Mencia, a non-Mexican by the way, for playing a large part in popularizing the term and blatantly focusing it against fellow Hispanics of another nationality than his own. But if Mexican-Americans don’t stand up against it- I suppose I can likely accomplish only so much.

My observation is derived of course from seeing how the N word has been handled by the African American community. They took a stand and made the world recognize that it’s wrong. In my last entry I wrote a bit about Disassociation, and that word, that condition, is what the AA community relieved the general public of for the most part, by bringing attention to it in the way they did. Personally, I believe there is the correct use of all language, and however offensive, certain words unfortunately have their place and time. But I did learn that language is always like a gun in this respect. You can have one in the house and sure, keep it loaded if you wish, but be sure that when you take it out, think twice before you use it, because not only will you be hurting someone else, but you may very well hurt yourself in the process as well.

I mean, whats it going to take? A hate crime? Do some ignorant people somewhere need to hurt someone or god forbid kill them while using that anti-Mexian, anti-Hispanic term? Wouldn’t it be typical of American society that it needs the media to get involved before it really shows it can care about a cause?

It’s disgusting how ignorance in America targets Muslims now because of the actions of some fanatics nearly 11 years ago. You have some fanaticism in respect to southern border patrol issues and immigration, you have a quiet hypocrisy about how the northern border is handled (the joke is on the hypocrites though because enough Hispanics use that to their advantage and immigrate as they please through the northern border), but you don’t see these things associated to each other when it comes to issues of race. A teacher reads Shakespearean literature and is ostracized immediately for the lack of understanding to context, but people run around using a word that to me is as racist as the word “Spick”, and no one says anything about it. A Village Voice column humorously named “Ask a Mexican” where I’ve seen the word used comes to mind. Although I can’t say that other than it being a funny and informative column, that they used it in a racist manner- just that I do remember it in there, to be fair. But it all comes down to people standing up and saying something… which they’re not.

So these self admitted “drunk bitches” (thats right they call themselves that), who randomly picked a blog fight with me over a one line response to one of their entries (all documented well enough on their site- which by the way, hilariously makes them seem like lunatics, but they don’t see it) can go around calling Spanish people “beaners” and no one, not the website they have their blog on, or their misguided short list of fans… or anyone who reads (save one person) my words, bother to say one word in criticism of that inappropriate behavior. It’s unbelievable.

Alright- said I’d keep it brief, so thats it for that update… more to come. I plan on writing The Voice and The New York Times as well. The L. A. Times might be interested.

Next on that list is Blogging… on my Production Sheet?

I keep a production sheet of all the up in the air projects I have going on. I have an idea that becomes more than just that before it vaporizes into the id, I create a row and track progress. If I don’t, nothing will ever get done and I’ll remember about a great undeveloped idea a year later when I’m copying over a hard drive and I find the folder under an inch of digital dust.

Putting blogging on the production sheet will legitimize it… so should I? If I do, it means I take this shit seriously, and really, a lot of time I don’t. But I do spend time on writing, and it is constructive, developmental and fulfilling…

Also, if I add that line, it’s another line of empty cells I haven’t worked on in however long since I last did…

I’m pretty good at coming back to it though, even on weekends, so I guess it can’t hurt.

Done.

Thanks for listening.

Next…

Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of…

It occurs to me this isn’t my personal blog, it’s the O.O., so I have to write this with a particular and distinct literary skew meant for public consumption and not the t’hell with it voice I use on for personal stuff ova’tharr. But if you need reference to comments and you can’t find my blog, which is good, you can refer to The New Good instead.

Recently I heard the word “relationship” and felt such an unfamiliarity with the concept it made me realize how far I’d come in the last year (ref. to personal blog you can’t find). It caused me to examine (of course) the whole concept of relationships from a new perspective. The usual perspective, one where I actually cared for them to work, I am now thankfully relieved of.

Now, I’m sure that somewhere out there, there are the relationships that work. Excluding those using crutches like religion or otherwise cult-like behavior that makes drinking the kool-aid seem like sexy and romantic together stuff. I’m not saying it’s impossible otherwise, but as far as I see it now, after half a life of experience and half of that if not more, searching for love enough to see a pattern in the type of women I personally attract- I am saying that for the majority of people a great relationship is as rare as that jackpot lottery win- maybe even more rare.

There are mechanisms in people that in most, are broken. There is a trait, I do not know what to call it, one of calm and patience, that lends itself to the success of a relationship. In fact, it lends itself to being able to get along with people in general. But even this, in my observance can be defective in some, because it can also lapse into passivity and over compliance. Save this well balanced trait having wise person finding someone equally wise and patient, the best the rest of us can hope to do in my opinion, is master, and become accepting of, our own personal situations.

Not everyone will find or accomplish what they want in life.

Some people will die alone.

That’s just the way it is, and it’s real, and it’s true. And it may be you.

Me? I’m OK. Finally. The strange thing is, that it’s on the complete other side of the spectrum than I thought it would be. I may die alone, and that’s OK. I’ve accepted that considering the kind of women that come my way, I’d rather.

I’m not trying to be funny, though it may make you laugh. It does me. But I’m serious. I’m not enamored with the thought of lovey dovey cuddling anymore, I’m not thinking about “what if I don’t have kids”. I’m happy, focusing my efforts toward accomplishing personal goals. In fact, I have taken such a step back that I can see the issues people (and by “people” I mean women, since I don’t really care about men as any kind of romantic interest, former or otherwise) have, clearer than ever. I no longer tell myself “nah, that can’t be right” and make the ridiculously repetitive error of allowing yet another one in to disappoint me, I simply see it for what it is, and I set the boundary.

Is it bitterness? A self check one does when an evaluation falls a bit on the negative side- results come up clean.

Any bitterness I feel is concentrated most on the individual, then diluted on the culture, but when it comes to the gender, my observations are for all across the board, and that focused bitterness for the specific person falls wayside as irrelevant.

I don’t see the necessity of romantic relationships anymore.

We all know (or should know) the science of it. Love is a biochemical delusion. Yes there are instinctual drives at play, to procreate, to mate etc. But practically the word “relationship” doesn’t apply to those animal drives. “Relationship”, to “get along” with your significant other… to build a life together… only the truly fortunate find significant others with the ability to do what needs to be done in order to be “a couple”, a “team” or partners or parents successfully. And even those “successful” relationships sometimes seem to have a temporary expiration date- which with my new eyes so to speak, I really do understand. It makes so much more sense than the concept of “forever” most women want you to sign on for.

I mean think about it- “FOREVER”… resisting the urge to use echo and reverb and run on the R sound…

Forever, as a concept for a temporary life. That’s kind of stupid actually. Even IF, in a world of a million-million different options, you found “the one”… Which if you are truly aware of your flaws and accept the limitations within yourself necessary to claim knowledge that this person you found IS truly the bes tthat you can do… I can understand- but under those circumstances, we all know how unlikelythat is don’t we?

If a person does, as they do at the alter all the time, soon after they end up thinking of course, that they can do better. Why? Well simply because to admit you can’t do any better is to put yourself down. And you may be struck, and taken by the loveliness of this person you found and languishing in the glow of seemingly having conquered that ass, basking in your champion glory… but it won’t last. It fades. You’re human and soon enough you’ll see another challenge you need to conquer and that’s when the trouble (only trouble because you bought into the system and its rules) begins.

Can you meet someone who will make you say you don’t want anyone else? Sure, I’ll say it’s very possible. But you better hope they feel the same way or everything I just said in reference to you- I mean for them.

Do we “need” a relationship? To live? To survive? No. You can get along just fine without a long term relationship. Would it be nice to have a partner, someone whose got your back to use street terms? Sure, of course. But do you need that? No. What you get from a significant other you can get anywhere else. Friendships, sex, partnership, loyalty, children- all attainable, and fullfillingly, from other sources than a “relationship”.

So on a personal level, I don’t have to deal with women’s bullshit. And this is what lately makes me the happiest. I used to go back on my own words and intentions, and allow myself to get dragged back in to the bullshit. In the name of open mindedness of course. Does this mean I’m closed minded now? Maybe a little more closed minded, but what I definitely can say I know is, is that I don’t have to put the shit to my nose to know it stinks so to speak. I don’t have to allow people to screw me up to know that’s not the way to go. Since I stopped, and simply said “no more”… I’ve been the happiest I can be and more so, as I said earlier, I’ve been able to distinguish B.S. from reality better than ever.

I’ve met women, and as predictable as sunrise, the hooks come out. They begin to try and suck you in with nonsense to be able to feed their own need of validation. I see this now and understand the saying “she’s a man eater”. Because when you can see things from this vantage point, you can see how women do what they do so that they can purely consume a subject and attain for themselves what they need- and show no regard or remorse for the consequences to the person they are effecting with their actions.

One woman I was seeing up to a month ago couldn’t go on a date without suggesting I move out to her side of town.

What IS that?

Can’t just have a good time?

But this is a micro-example. I get more out of hearing my peers stories, and observing those who don’t like to share, than I do from my own cautious experience. Both are invaluable of course, but the majority of observation comes from outside, not in.

I meet women now, and drive the problematic ones away with frustration. frustration because they can’t get me to play their game. They retreat, realizing they are up against someone who is going to get from them what he wants, with no promise of recompense, same as they would do to me if I let them.

And that, is only when I feel like even bothering.

I never understood men who paid for sex. But now… I see the wisdom. It’s just so much less complicated and liberating. And though I have yet to do so myself, I can see myself buying myself the best in those terms when I’ve accomplished what I need to for myself in life.

Or, who knows, I might win the lottery?

Naaaaaaaaaaah.

Relatives and Holidays tomorrow, I’m tired of writing.

Out.

An open letter on Dating in NYC… and maybe the world

Background info: I keep a personal ad on Match.com- I dont pay for Match because after having done so a couple of times I realized its a marketing gimmick used to keep you hooked when they throw three “similar” people at you every time you wink (free option to show interest) or as a paying member, you e mail anyone…

Now, if youre interested in someone, unless youre a player of course- no judgments- shouldnt you focus on this person youre interested in at least for a proverbial minute, before moving on to the next? I mean, really? Doesnt someone special, or potentially special deserve at least that short moment of time exclusively dedicated to them? Its not that long, really, what is it- two dates?

Well, Match doesnt want you to even think of one person for a split second- much less for the span of one date.. I mean, you may actually fall inlove… cant have that and not need their services, so they bombard you with distractions…

And you, and me, being me and you, and money being what it is, we want to get our money’s worth when we pay for something- especially if its paid on faith and the product is intangiable… so what do we do? Fall right into it- clicking away, winking away, e mailing away at one or two out of every three results we’re thrown.

Securing that if even the first person we were interested in, for whatever reason, hopefully sincere ones where they had things in common with you and their expressions were endearing to you- that evenif they do respond… your mind wont be completely on them, or even waiting for their response anymore… youre nto part of the next best thing mob. The people who treat everyone like theyre disposable, because right around the corner- they believe, is something better- always.

When, not realizing, theyre not anyone’s best thing either. And this is where they should be focusing. Being better, to attract better, and deserve better people.

God forbid that- but in any case- I still keep an ad on there with not-so-cleverly hidden hints at the means to get in touch with me without having to pay for the service…

You would think this would be something good on so many levels… save the ladies some money, save myself some, limit my choices, forcing me to focus on one at a time and not be corrupted by the site’s BS… but no.

It seems you run into a phenomenon on Match… a woman’s valuation of self worth.

Somehow, and it strikes me as incredulous even typing it, btu as you will see by the open letter below, it is seemigly true… it seems women allow themselves to be valueated, priced, materially, by men, based onthe price of membership.

I know – I know it sounds crazy… but I have long since suspecting it- asked my female friends, some confirming it partially (of course it cant be easy admitting to a man if it were true that your self esteem is based on whether a guy will buy a membership to a dating site, a drink, or dinner… and I guess the list goes as high as engagement ring and baby food), and others not at all, avoiding it entirely…

But occasionally a woman will come along and inadvertently wear pridefully what other (smarter I guess?) women hide shamefully… and thus we have this exchange, where I pounce…

End note to background… I really AM looking for a woman who is above it all. And its sad that so many women are so complacent intheir so called “search” for love (when really its a languished state where they sit around waiting to be found by whomever gets up the initiative to cross over their self imposed boundaries) that they see my ad, may actually be interested, and then do exactly what the ad says not to do (if they do anything at all)… winking, and e mailing, from withtin the Match system, where I have clearly stated I will not be responding or joining???

And they dont get it… that if I join… It wont be just for them… but if they contact me, I will be. At least for the time it takes for me to figure out how far the acquaintance will develop.

Enjoy reading- a look into the mind of Woman in NYC…

ttaylor_law@yahoo.com to me
show details 6:22 PM (16 hours ago)

dateThu, Apr 8, 2010 at 6:22 PM
subject1legalvixen

hide details 6:22 PM (16 hours ago)
So you’re not joining match.com got it.  Though I like the creative way you got around the email block.

I can understand only paying for what’s worth it but all good women love to be courted and a good man understands that requires you to go into your pocket.

Most importantly my name is Terrica can I assume yours is Damian

daniel m to ttaylor_law
show details 7:55 PM (15 hours ago)

Thanks, but as a good man, I know that if a woman needs to have a man go in his pocket, needs to actually tell him so (kinda tacky) and more so- setting the price at the price of membership to a site that makes so many other women available to him (hmm, a good woman is priceless), she may not really know what a good man is. Or for that matter, what a good woman is.

Good luck, may all your matches be paying members, and may they not be too distracted by getting their money’s worth.

Thanks again.

Daniel Damian

ttaylor_law@yahoo.com to me
show details 6:20 AM (5 hours ago)

Hmm, tacky not quite! You’re willing to sign up for the site take the time to create a profile so you can meet people and therefore benefit from the service the site provides BUT you don’t want to pay for it. That’s like walking into a bar ordering a drink and drinking it but then refusing to pay for it because the bar down the street charges less for the drink. There is a word for reasoning like that . . . Cheap. And likely the reason why you’re still single, but best of luck in your search I’m sure some silly woman will settle for you but as I am the total package you fall short.

take care

D. to ttaylor_law
show details 7:16 AM (4 hours ago)

Oh sweetie, I wouldn’t start with the analogies when as a woman you just told a man that to be with you its required they reach in their pocket… because, you know what that’s ‘like’ don’t ya?
If you still don’t get it, let me make my point with a question… How much?
You’re analogy of a bar is way off  hun. Yes, I walk in the bar because that’s where people meet, but I dont buy the drinks because it impairs my judgment.
Match let’s you, in fact tells you, putting up an ad is free. But in order to communicate, you have to pay… understandable. Any pimp sets the prices for the women they can sell, like my hint above points to incase you still didn’t get it. But then you pay to meet one woman,  they throw three more at you each time you show interest in any single one. And three more, and three more. Literally telling you, ‘here are three more just like her’…
Now, if I were you, I wouldn’t criticize the guy trying to go to a bar and meet women like a decent man, unimpaired, rational and in full control of his faculties, to use your bar analogy… and simultaneously trying to do it while defending the very honor of women blinded by a society that teaches them to value themselves by the money a man would spend on them, making them no different that any other store bought property, or more commonly,whores.
And to enlighten you further sweetie, incase you thought it was somehow ghetto-cool to let a guy know that for you (assuming you’re a good woman) he would need to “reach in his pocket”… like you seriously don’t hear how that sounds and how those same words are spoken on street corners every night… I’ll tell you this…
For a woman that a man thinks is worth having, a man will not only want to spend his money, but more importantly, spend his time, his energy and thoughts and energy on how to keep that woman with him and how to make her happy…
This is something he does because she INSPIRES it, not because she points to the price tag like you did.  He is inspired, and usually that inspiration makes him spend a lot of all those resources than he would have without it. Simply because like I said before, if she’s worth it, she’s priceless. Meaning, no dollar amount carriable in any pocket could pay for even one second of her time. And she, as that dignified Lady, would never be so crass as to disrespect herself by ever saying what you did so casually.
So in reality hun, when it comes to cheap, one of is is aware of true value, and the other is selling themselves cheap…. pun intended.
You have a lot to learn about yourself, this society, and who you’ve been taught to be as a woman.
Good luck with that. 
And before you TRY to write some bitter response I’ll intellectually shred to bits, take a deep breath and realize the basis of my arguement is rooted in the reality you live in, and there’s no arguing with facts. Realize I’m not a conformist, and I’m swimming against the tide when those facts make most women as materialist as you show yourself to be, and that some respect should be reserved for those who try and achieve the near impossible, or unlikely, in their own way.
Have a great day.
Daniel.

ttaylor_law@yahoo.com to me
show details 8:51 AM (2 hours ago)

Actually you just further proved my point but clearly you don’t see that . . . Then you would infer I’m a whore name calling really what are you 10. I think you just like to hear yourself talk because you said the same thing over and over again. Though the laugh for the day is you thinking you’re somehow smarter than me, you how no idea about my intellectual muscle. I made one point in a few sentences and paragraphs later your still talking, facts are simple everything else takes time to explain. So let’s just agree to disagree. Please don’t respond again you keep saying same thing its boring.

D. to ttaylor_law
show details 9:58 AM (1 hour ago)

I truly wish anything you said held weight… it would help if you said it well, or at least spelled it well. And no, its stupid things that are said quickly, thoughtlessly. Relationships, a complicated individual to individually differentiating matter, is complex. But I guess not for a woman who puts her value at what a man can carry in his pocket. You cheapened yourself. Period. And, apparently, you will always be ignorant. Responding as long as you do. Ciao.