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City Planning- your guide to New York, and the apocalypse

December 16, 2010 Leave a comment

Sorry Nation (to borrow a term from Colbert), but today’s, or rather, this weeks Opinion is just about NYC.

I’m crammed in a train today, as most days, and I look out of the train’s window, across to the opposite platform at Times Square station, and I wonder- Did anyone plan on this city being so overcrowded?

Redundant question- I know. The very term overcrowded denotes there could be no planning. No one plans for OVER-crowding. They may plan for crowds, but not an overage. Overage is what happens in the absence of planning, ok, ok. 

So in this millisecond my thoughts move to how ripe this city is for any kind of terrorist attack or natural disaster that would have the highest death toll ever- and from there of course to my over repetitious thought of this being the very case against the free acts of terrorist cells- and how they’re likely controlled by some government source that only releases the hounds so to speak, when the corporate bosses that hold their leashes say it would be conducive to revenue streams.

All of which always ends in the thought “whaaaaaat the fruck ever” I have to get to work so who cares?

Bottom line is, no one planned for this, and people, the ants, or sheep that we are- just wiggle around in the pens made for us, not using any sort of real intelligence to make a better life, or a better world for ourselves* (note- remind me to opine on the difference between the European public, and the American public when it comes to asserting control over their destinies vs. the political regime’s looking to profit from their lives, like a ranch owner would his cattle).

So then I say to myself, well of course- what we need is a reduction in head count here, so the city can be a little more livable. the buildings are built upwards, not outwards, and there is no more ground level space to move around in anymore. People are going to start falling off the platforms in the transit system.

Solution; consolidate housing.

You can’t really consolidate work space- I mean, you can, but I’ll get to that next.

Consolidation of housing means you take the space of two apartments- and make it one.

Yes, there will never be a cessation of greed, so there will never be a landlord, landowner, who in their philanthropic best, will concede to- not losing money- but making less than the overbloated mess of money they make now- and have to then cut back on the equally bloated mess of a privileged life they likely lead. No, that’s not going to happen- but still- this needs to be done- so of course, then the two 2 million dollar spaces for example, will not cost 2.5 million when consolidated, but instead cost 4 million for the one space it then would be- but you tell me- could you have afforded it at 2 million anyway- what do you care? Thats one less multi millionaire taking up space in New York City.

That’s a good thing. 

Instantly (well, instantly after the buzzards are done ravaging the opportunity for construction of these changes) you have half the rich people you had before, living in New York.

I know, this doesn’t make my train any less crowded by much- but it helps. But you have to remember- a one room studio in New York City proper- the island of Manhattan where greed is at it’s worst- costs about $1 million.

Co-ops, average about the same. Sure you can find some pushing up against old New York (poor neighborhoods- i.e. gentrification) for less, but less I would guess to say is maybe a little under half a million dollars, and the maintenance you would pay is about as much as rent up to 10 miles outside the City, in the pre-burbs (my term). The area before Long Island that is the legitimate suburbia, but outside “The City” of New York, Manhattan Island.

We’re talking 2-6 miles inland of Brooklyn and Queens. The immediate surrounding areas in these Boroughs have been swallowed up by gentrification already- the rents and prices of property are in the outlandish bracket- well, outlandish unless you inherited money or were put through school by your parents AND make a little more than a livable wage. Staten Island and the Bronx are anomalies.

Staten Island should be sold to New Jersey because it’s inhabitants are very strange, if not just as bad as any ghetto peeps, excuse the colloquialisms. The Bronx, has to wait for the island of Manhattan to be completely consumed by gentrification, don’t worry, they’re working on it- they’re up to the mid-100’s streets now. It used to be all Caucasians got off the train at 86th street, but now they stay on a couple more stops.  But the strange thing about the Bronx is that it does have it’s nice areas, but you have to go through the ghetto to get there. As opposed to Brooklyn and Queens where gentrification makes it the other way around.

So anyway, there would be less rich people, and less middle income people, and who cares about low income people like me, we couldn’t afford it anyway, so we keep our commute, only with less shoulders to rub up against on the way in and out.

Now like I said before- the rich don’t all take the train or bus, they drive and take cabs- hello? And Hello? Less cars, less cabs, less traffic, less gridlock, less pollution.

For the landlord greed mongers- less expense. How? Well less people means less water used, reduction in water bills per property- you greedy bastards.

For the city, a reduction in the same, and thus an extension on the already dilapidated infrastructure’s expiration date. More time to reinforce that shyit, or do you not mind the occasional steam pipe burst that takes out an entire city block and cuts tax revenue by repair cost and lost income to the merchants on that block? it happened not too long ago.

Not to mention the lawsuits that come from such catastrophes.

Well, long story short- there are a lot of benefits to this kind of change, I won’t get too much more into it because frankly, who am I in the here and now? Sure, we’ll pack away a mental note for when I can do something about it- but right now I’m too busy with Graffitti Park and other aspects of life to give this more thought than is allowed on a train ride- and then- only because I have to ride a cattle car passing for a passenger train to work.

Most days I just think about how much I wish the world would end so I could never have to go into the subways again, and the woman pressed up against me with the perfect skin and expensive lifestyle would cling to me for survival instead of stand on the other side of the class divide that can be infinitely wide, even while millimeters apart.

Not that I wouldn’t shake her off for holding me back mind you.

(smile)

There is nothing on my mind except…

October 13, 2010 Leave a comment

That politics is and are, ridiculous.

American society has become ridiculous. If we’re not too fat, we’re too stupid. We’re definitely too complacent. We like to complain and complain but we don’t get up and do somehting about it. And those that do, like the Tea Party, bad example perhaps, but the only one available- are ridiculed for the beleifs they stand up for. Yes, they’re racist cheap white Amercians with nothing but more complaints and no soplutions, being used by a darker power hiding in the wings… but they are actually at least standing up for something and making some noise.

It’s all just perverse. I read abotu it all the time, all day, every day- a n opinion on politics is like the old sayiong about an opinion on anything- it’s like an asshole, everyone’s got one, and no matter what all it produces is shit.

MyfriendAngelo Rodriguez,may he rest in peace, used to say- “ok, stop talking shit, what are you gonna do about it?” after hearing you out intently and quietly. He left us too soon, and he was right.

The Establishment, is broken. Humanity is perverse, greedy, corrupt, self serving. Too self serving to ever expect that whatever group in power will serve all of the people. Humanity can’t help itself- it will always divide and ostracize. Humanity is insecure, so it has to single out “the other ones” and put them down to maintain its own self esteem. Use god, use money, use skin color, use sexuality- use whatever you like- there will always be something to use and there will always be a human being ready and willing to use it.

There is no governemnt on the face of the erth that seems to have gotten it right. That is, if “right:” means the prosperity of ALL of the people.

If “right” means squashing the less fortunate, and is a perception set forth by those more fortunate, those on the top, the rich, the equivalent of what monarchies were… then sure, it’s working fine. Exceptionally well in fact, since we have no revolutions anymore, since people don’t stand up together and force change anymore- when things are as wrong as they have ever been.

Since people, are easily fooled into thinking what doesnt work, like the present system, is somehow going to work, once the billionth band aid is tacked on.

Fuck Politics.

And I, will be no different than you, in respect of doing nothing about it- other than to do this nothing, honestly, and not pretend I don’t see what’s going on.

Until someone, or some group, stands up and begins the clean up, from the top to the bottom-andisbackedupbyan unyeilding force, loyal to no one and no thing more than the commitment to the cause- I’m going to keep this “opinion” and pont of view- what I think, is an honest one. And pray, in my own non-religious way, every day- that that if it allcant just come crashing down and level the playing field for the have – not’s, and a better society can be put together from the ashes, then that I should get my shot at whatever type of freedom I can attain to live the rest of my life like a big Fuck You to the system, and assure that any proginy I mistakenly and selfishly bring into this unfair society gets the opportunity only to do the same.

Have a Nice Day!

Comment on; Where do you put a Mosque?

August 17, 2010 1 comment

Link to original blog

Answer: You put a Mosque, and for that matter a Church, a Synagogue, a Temple, a friggin Tree people want to pray to on Arbor Day… Anywhere the laws of the land will allow. This is the United States of America and Freedom, as much as humanly possible, is what we stand for.

I’ll continue this rant on my own blog…

I happen to work for The City of New York in a capacity that affords me the unfortunate privilege to have the opinions of New Yorkers and now with this Mosque debate- any jerk off who has an opinion outside of our city- thrown at me. I have to hear all of it. In the last months, there has been a grand total of three… that’s THREE supportive opinions I have heard regarding this matter- the rest are from people who for all my ability to try and extend my understanding- simply put- need something to hate.

I have had enough time to think of all this. I have heard enough. I have spoken to parents of soldiers both alive and dead. I have spoken to parents and friends of those who died and those who worked at the 9-11 site. For them I feel remorse, of course, but no amount of loss is an excuse for uninformed irrationality- to put it nicely.

I have spoken to the crack pots who dont have anything else better to do but stick their noses in anything the media tells them they should care about. I have spoken to all of these people from all around the country.

Few of them can contain their rage to express themselves in a rational way. Most want to yell at whomever they get on the phone. One bordered on threatening terrorism himself. Most, have southern accents. Most, make the ignorant assumption that the Mayor of New York has the power of a King and that by his decree he has “allowed” this to occur. Those in particular I regard as Idiots.

But again, most just want to hate. The same emotion that fueled those who supposedly flew planes into the towers that morning.

I work here in the area. I was going to school at the foot of the WTC. I was, if not for my genuine disdain for Math Class, supposed to be there that morning. I worked at a school shortly there after- again, at the foot of the WTC, where an entire dorm room floor wall was covered with the names of those students and family of students and faculty that were lost that day.

I come to work every day- tolerant of the tourists holding their maps, looking for “the hole”.

It’s a tourist attraction to people. This, is nauseating to me. There isnt a god damned day I dont feel a sadness inside for what happened here. I see it- every- fucking- day.

So when I hear everybody and their mother think they have a qualified opinion on what goes on here in New York in relevance to the World Trade Center- you can imagine what I feel.

Yet, I tolerate you.

You, who would be no better than Jim Crowe or Hitler and take people’s rights away simply because you have the need… the NEED to hate.

I have to leave this job. I have seen too much of what the general public is like, and honestly, it’s killed my faith in mankind, and even American Ideals.

This country is filled with corruption and bigotry. People, who even if we do have the worst ecducational system in the world, should know better, should recognize that NONE OF US COME FROM THIS LAND! They don’t have the basic kindness and common sense to ever allow me to think this world will be a better place.

Honestly, I’m ok with not having kids now that I’ve worked here, and heard all of you people and your “opinions”.

No one, not one organization in the world, has stepped up to say, when they do build the Mosque, we will come to help. We will lay brick and mortar with you in the name of Peace and for the end of violence and aggression between the faiths of this world.

That, is truly sad.

I’m reading America’s Hidden History by Kenneth C. Davis right now, and in the first few pages alone, I’ve learned the fact that most of history’s conflict, has alwys been about religion. World wide.

I am of no faith, but support any theology that gives people comfort- and no theology that looks to convert or to keep people from their own choice.

I thought once the Bush administration left office, I could be proud to be an American again… but I see that isn’t going to happen. There are just too many hateful bigoted stupid ignorant people in this country and I can’t defend you anymore.

Thanks, all of you.

Thanks for ruining what could have been a wonderful country.

And in a way, maybe thats how we should deal with you. Let you have the country and let you run it into the ground with your hate. When you get yourselves destroyed, we, the peaceful intelligent and tolerant people can come back and be better off.

Snapshot of a New Yorker, if not an American in general

I work in a government office with a publicly published phone number. This as you can imagine, has it’s drawbacks. Aside from the pun that the drawback may be every single member of the general public who calls, and how satisfying it is to rerer to them all as Drawbacks because the name seems to fit so well, so often, here I offer you a tiny little snapshot of the general mentality of a citizen of this country.

Since this is a published phone number, with the right research, anyone can call. The title of the office indicates contact to a high office in government, but c’mon, really? You don’t know better than to think you’re really going to dial a number you found somewhere on the internet or in a book somewhere and THAT person is going to answer the phone do you?

Well, it’s a rhetorical question- because I’m here writing THIS aren’t I?

Now, lets go down the list, in no particular order of course, of the levels of stupidity it takes to use this number before we go on to your snapshot. There are some reasons people may have to use this number which are “no fault” as I’ll refer to them and indicate as such. Now, I’m giving the benefit of the doubt as I write this, and I might actually be suprised myself to find that the label may only apply to one or two reasons. But lets see…

~ You live in a small municipality or a “town” or “township” where the title of this office indicates to you that you can recieve certain services from it. This is a “no fault” reason. You’re a hick of sorts and that’s cute. We forgive you here in the big city and we’ll show you some kindness as we smirk at your naivete and pass you along to where you should be calling. Maybe even with a little politeness and explanation that will educate you on the ways outside your quaint American Norman Rockwell bubble.

~ You ACTUALLY DO see the title of the office and say “let me speak to the xxxxx” when we pick up the phone. You, are an idiot, and you make us wish there was a Hitler button on the phone we could press for a final solution to you. Or at least a pre-final one, like a sterilization button to prevent you from passing on the stupid gene.

Well that list was alot shorter than I thought it would be. I guess there are only two types of stupids that use the number after all. Forgive me for getting your hopes up, I do have to engage in a certain amount of self imposed denial to be able to get to work each day and deal with these undiagnosed retards you must understand.

Everyone else who uses the number has a reference by which they can state who it is they wish to speak to and we connect the call accordingly. This includes the elected official who holds the office by which this office is named. He, and these, are intelligent if not methodical and logical people. The minority of the population. Usually this exchange takes no more than a few seconds, at most. So you can understand when a retard gets a hold of the number, how frustrating it is to have to listen to their rusty wheels turning for ten times that amount of time just to BEGIN the phone call after the greeting.

As if, the availability of this number to the general public wasn’t bad enough, there is no exclusivity to stupidity of course, and so the organizers of morons, such as Unions, sometimes use their own lack of intelligence, thoughtfulness, thoroughness or implement their abundant laziness and apply this number to some cause they would like to enlist their army of members to petition this office for.

Now, this would be, and likely is thought to be, by those supposed leaders of men, a radical and impressive idea- right? Except for the fact that this city spends hundreds of thousands of dollars on advertising the three digit number for EXACTLY that type of action, and some dumbkoff in those Union offices completely disregarded the likely dozens of public references they pass each day to the number they SHOULD be enlisting their members to be calling, and likely every reference to the number they come across in their dealings WITH the city their union probably does business with each and every day- and made the executive dumbkoff decision to apply this number instead when he or she signed off on the campaign.

Let me be clear… Some asshole in a Union Office, overlooked something so simple and wasted not only the money and time of his union and union members by using THIS number- he or she also cost the entire city time and money because now we here in this office have to redirect and educate those misdircted callers to the appropriate number in order for them to accomplish their goal.

This is how you have come across your snapshot today, and here it is…

Good Morning, the office of the xxxxx.

“I just got a call that said I should-”

– Who called you sir?

“uhm, well, I… ”

-You don’t know who called you?

“it just said to press the number 1 and…”

-So sir, you don’t know who it was that called you and you are following instructions from the call?

-Are you a member of a union perhaps?

“no, I’m retired”

-I see, well in any case sir you may have once been a member of a union, we are recieving many calls from union members this week directed to us via an automated message such as the one you describe, the number you should call to express your opinion on the matter in question is xxx.

“oh… well… how about we just nevermind then?”

-how about that then, that’s fine, you have a good day.

“click”

And there you have it. I have many-many… many-many… many… many other examples. I and others here acquire them each day. If we got paid on commission to morons, we’d be rich and not underpaid public servants.

Mind you, these are just the Morons I’m addressing here and now. I’m not addressing the thick headed people who simply refuse to allow effective communication to penetrate their skulls unless you repeat the same phrase or answer to their question over, and over, and over. At which point do you rarely hear a thank you- but rather an insult for not giving them the answer they imagined in their dimly lit minds before they even dialed the number.

This is the lot that gave us eight years of purgutory in the White House. Those who are now very busy pointing the finger at another lot who have given us nothing better. This is America.

Let me not forget to mention that on a popular show I watch I heard the reference to Americans being lazy brainless zombies or something to that effect, and I realized the guilt I sometimes feel for the harshness of my opinions, the self depricating criticism I privately subjugate myself to as I brush off that voice in the back of my head made up of all the ex girlfriends I’ve ever had and my mother before them- that says Danny, chill out, maybe it’s you and not them… is wrong, and other people see what I see. And they likely feel what I feel… Shame. Shame for being one of you dumb asses if only in a patriotic sense. Knowing that if one day the country is held accountable for its moronic behavior, that by association, I’d have to take a bullet too.

(note- you know that if your members are SO lazy and inept that you cannot simply mail them a brochure and request they dial a phone number to express an opinion you are requesting them to consider- and you have to set up a dumb-button, for lack of a better term- how likely is it that if you get that number wrong- they will actually bother to pick up the phone again and dial the number they are re-directed to?)

Why?

June 23, 2010 Comments off

Why is it in a person’s custom to introduce themselves to an anonymous someone answering a phone in an office somewhere?

If you’re calling an individual in some rergard- it’s understandable, necessary and polite… but if you’re calling a public office or a business, such as a customer service center and you’re not required to identify your account- then why are you stating your name?

Who cares who the fuck you are?

**

Why when you give someone exactly what they are looking for- because you know what they need, since it’s your job to recognize their needs as soon as they state them clearly- do those people question your determination- if they came to you for the answer they couldn’t figure out for themselves in the first place?

**

Why are most people opposed to clear communication? Why must they find the path most complicated towards reaching their goal- when communicating?

**

Why can’t most people just recognize, and answer, a Yes or No question when asked?

Why must they respond with a story? An elaboration on details that if they were of any consequence – you would’nt have had to interrupt them with a Yes or No question.

**

Why can’t people learn to simply ask for what they want in a direct way? Why must people approach the attaining of information by telling you a story? Is this some ghetto form of communication I simply do not comprehend?

Why must I interrupt a “story” and ask- “What are you looking for?” – “What can I help you with?” – “Who do you want to speak to!?”??

**

These questions plague my mind every single god damned day, before and after I pick up the phone at work, several, and I mean several times- throughout the day.

People are generally stupid it seems. They clog their lives with unecessary irrelevant habits and customs preventing them from acheiving their goals, by preventing them from their own clarity of thought.

This, is the first and foremost reason I sincerely believe mankind is doomed to eventual extinction.

Most, are stupid in these ways and are followers who need to be led, but leaders are corrupt. Greed for money and power ruin any possibility of the evolutionary advancement of the human race.

There is no talking sense to most people. Instead of trying to get to a higher point- a point of progression- a mutual advanced understanding- all most people want to do is make it an arguement, and win that arguement- so they feel like they accomplished something- even if in accomplishing it- they held up their own advancement- and especially if they held up yours.

Misery, loves company they say. And the human race, however benevolent or gracious they may think they are- are miserable.

I’m for the closing of this chapter in the history of existence. This human thing is a failure.

How a caveman saves my life each day…

This is an old one I think about in unrelated ways so many times each day the challenge in writing about it now is peeling it off the insides of my mind without tearing it to shreds like that as-is sale price sticker that’s razor cut in all directions (and you can’t imagine why they do this to the sticker?) on the trendy chairs you bought from Ikea for your kitchen that you would have never paid full price for since really theyre just a little wood and cheap metal screwed together- but youre truly grateful for the opprotunity since without them the favorite picture of your girlfriend laughing in a little black dress where she looks amazing and so happy would have never been possible.

Can you say run-on-sentence?

But yes, I digress, and not only to impress…

So every day we hear about this or that which effects our lives in a negative way- remember the Acid Rain craze back in the day? Did I just date myself? If so- fuck it, maybe you’re too young to get in this club. Most recently- Salt is the enemy- right? I just read how Semen has cholesterol in it- what will this do to my sex life? Now you’re wondering if I’m gay- aren’t you?

But seriously folks, how many other things are we always hearing from the media? I remember being told to drink alot of water if I wanted to lose weight. Then years later- hearing how drinking too much water can literally kill you!

Too much coffee is bad for you- but yet, now the body supposedly gets water from wherever it needs it- liquid or solid that’s ingested- right? Having lived on coffee for days on end myself- I can attest to this fact. Too much coffee will not kill you. It will only make your pee smell fresh brewed.

And ladies, Semen is 99% water- only 1% Sperm, so as long as your man is eating a lot of fruit for taste- come on down and wet-yer-whistle!

I’m waiting for the new studies that are bound to come out on Sugar- no one is using Sugar, Sucre, Azucar anymore are they? It’s SO bad for us! I just came from Starbucks now and I couldn’t subsidize my guilty pleasure visit by stealing a little Splenda because everyone else seems to prefer it over the pink and blue brands (or they’re stealing it before I can)- which I won’t mention by name because I am making a mental note to buy Splenda stock man, wtf, can’t support or advertise the competition after all.

I’m waiting- and I can bet we’ll get both an alert about sweeteners and the health risks associated to them- again- and the benefits of natural sugar in our diets- like with drinking. Moderation – moderation – moderation. A little bit of anything- isn’t a bad thing.

Except Dick- right ladies? Is it just me or god dammit don’t ladies just want more and more dick? If I have to hear ready for round four one more time – I’m tellin’ ya I’m just gonna lop it off. You hold your breath till I do. But seriously, if dick were salty, there’d be some high choleterol havin’ bitches out there. And ladies, if you’re thinking- but wait- dick IS salty- then you need to tell your man to take a bath.

And don’t get me wrong- I’m not gonna go gay because of too much pussy- no way. But I may take a break for a minute and play my xbox. I’m just saying- give a guy a break- act like I can’t get it so I wanna chase it, and then you ‘ll get all you want.

Moderation when it comes to Dick too. Moderation Media! Tell the ladies!

But that’s what they do- the media- telling us the obvious- because we’re too stupid to figure it out for ourselves.

Like with Soda-pop? Yeah I said pop. I like the way it sounds.

Soda is baaaaad for you said the nanny goat. Tax dat shit!

Well I can’t remember any more of these examples but you get the gist of it- and my whole thing is- fuck it.

Did I suprise you? Not if you’ve read my blog before I didn’t.

A fucking Cave Man saves my life every god damned day. Because if I want some Sugar, I’ll have it. If I want a Cigarette- I’ll have it. If I want one more drink- I’ll have it. If I want a bag of Doritos that are packed with preservatives and Salt, a Steak, another cup of Coffee, or anything someone else may say “hey- that’s not so good for you- you better watch it” I say fuck it, deep fry me another!

Why? Because I think of the Cave Man… No one was around looking into shit and broadcasting to Bedrock how this that and the other thing is bad for you today- and OK for you tomnorrow as long as you don’t do too much.

The Cave Man did what the fuck he wanted, when he wanted, as he needed and as he pleased. He lived loud and proud and didn’t have to be gay to say so. He wasn’t “trying” to live any longer than what was coming to him. He was content living Today- and if he saw some cute cave woman ass he wanted to take a bite out of- he didn’t think to himself “hmm, that ass may be high in cholesterol”. Nope, he just bonked her over the head and bit that ass. Yum!

Maybe a little salty considering the times, what with no soap and all.

Find me the gliph where the Cave Man was bitchin about the price of… Anything! You know the saying. But you dont see any cave paintings depicting toomuch fat on the mamoth meat so eat the shrubs instead do ya? No. Cave Man didn’t give a shit.

That helps me out in my daily decision making process believe it or not.

Of course I think of one other thing… the occasional story we hear of the athlete or just the plain clean living guy who keels over of a heart attack one day. He was a vegetarian, ran x amount of miles a week- never smoked a day in his life and said No to drugs – god bless’em!

Give him back his last day of life and I bet that fucker would fuck a high priced hooker without a condom while eating a steak and doing lines of coke off her back and wash it all down with a beer and shot of Yeager between puffs off his Malboro 100’s.

Point is, this is life mother fuckers. Live it.

Of course, don’t over do it to a point you’re not enjoying yourself anymore- because then you’re just a dick. But please, Vegans for example- lighten the fuck up. Yes, we are human and we CAN be above it- but really? Why should we?

Our very existence on this planet- the way we are- our society- so called humanity- by nature extinguishes life around us.

Who was better than us? The Eskimos? Fuckers killed whales and seals to live- had their numbers increased- do you thiknk they’d have an Eskimo Greenpeace? No. The Polar Bears would have been next.

Who else? The American Indians? They already smoked Tobacco and the wacky tabaccy when Europeans got here to fuck them up. Thay had and still have Peyote, and well, they would have invented Cocaine and Alcoholic beverages eventually with their sense of experimantation- so really? We’d still have a polluted and used up world one way or another. There is no pure human race. At it’s best- humanity can only be delayed in destroying the Earth. There is no stopping it. If there is- prove me the fuck wrong.

I told a Greenpeace guy the other day- in response to his jovial opener “hey! you look like an environemtally concious kind of guy!” – I said “really? that’s funny cause’ I’m a nihalist” as I tipped my Starbucks at him and lit a cigarette after he made a snide comment about “good luck with that”- for which I thanked him of course. No need to be rude to the panzy.

I just thought to myself- if the fit WAS to hit the shan- I’d like to find him and ask him to go save a whale instead of thnking about his own survival.

Me? I’ll eat Him for dinner when the zombie’s rise. Shit, there are some days in recent history that this fucker better stay away from the barbeque sauce if I’m broke three days to payday- he’s out saving a whale? The fucking audacity of this asshole when there are people starving on the streets!

And why the fuck is he on my New York City sidewalk when he should be swimming around int he gulf saving a fucking pelican that didnt know any better and would have died if dumb bleeding heart humans didnt take it upon themselves to save the fucking pelican’s life anyway!

I mean seriously?!?! If the Pelican, with its huge underbeak, were known for lets say… stealing babies by swooping down and grabbing them up in their beak sack and hauling them away to be slowly picked at and eaten alive for weeks.. do you think we’d be saving them from the gulf disaster?

Nope. I’m sure humans would be like – good, die baby killer.

Well I bet the Pelican kills enough fish babies- why dotn you care abotu that and let the buird just die. It’s nature! Leave it alone!

If the Pelican survives now, in numbers greater than nature dictated, and in their population they develop a strain of bacteria that would have otherwise been culled by nature- a bacteria that attacks the human immune system- and one we can’t find a cure for because we need one now that we’ve weakened our own natural immune systems with anti-biotics for sure- then who do we blame for that perversion of nature?

I’m not cleaning no pelicans that’s for sure. I respect every creature’s right to commit stupi-cide. If that creature is too stupid to stay away from some stink ass oil- maybe it deserves to die?

Maybe its the rotting corpses of all the dead sea life that would have kept the oil from reaching shore!? Maybe it’s the Pelicans and Turtles and whatever else is out there that died in the Gulf that were trying to save Us?!?! Ever think about that?

How about if those were the stupid Pelicans- and by saving them we prevented the survival of the fittest for that species and have subsequently delayed the progress of that species to reaching higher intelligence by forcing the stupid gene back into circulation when nature was trying to eliminate it so one day Pelicans can rule the world?

What if?

Remember those comics? Those were the shit.

But again- I kid thee, but seriously, what if… and I double-digress…

I gave in to a cute store bought redhead goth chick the other day and adopted a kid from her… a moment of weakness… I liked her tattoos… oh shush my girlfriend hadn’t told me she loved me yet so it’s ok… but I specifically told her “a kid from Peru”…

My mom is from Peru and there is a lot of poverty there- so though I may not always have a buck in my pocket, but I have fat on my ass that can carry me to the next meal- they don’t have that gluttonous American privilege.

Guess what? I get the thing in the mail- they gave me a kid in Colombia… I look at the receipt- Peru isnt even on that list… Fuckers jipped me and pawned off a Colombian kid… Dude I live in Woodside, I helped a Colombian kid when I went one neighborhood over to Jackson Heights and ate at Natives (on 82nd and Northern Blvd btw, Queens- excellent food!) with my girlfriend last weekend and feasted. I don’t need to adopt no Colombian kid??? They have cartels and militants and kidnappers that can do that shit over there- they don’t need Me!?!?

So you see? Cave Man could have saved me $22 right there had I listened to him. But I didn’t. Flirty goth punk chick with the nice boobies, damn.

In the end- Cavey saves my life because he makes my life richer and fuller and worth living. If I don’t listen to Cave Man and take his advice about making the most of this life while I have it- and not worrying so much about the contents of a meal or the ultimate consequences of that recreational drug, lol, and when he waxes all buddha-poetic-surfer about accepting life and its choices for you- as well as the choices you have to make- then I know I’ll end up where as he calls it- under the mammoth’s ass after breakfast.

What he means is- I’ll end up with regrets.

Pass the tostones and the chicharon, I know they’re deep fried, but theyre fucking good.

And that’s what I wanna say when I take my last breath.

That shit was fuckin gooood.

Not- I wish I had… irrk.

Thanks Cave Man!

My IDGAF hero.

(Side note; Girlfriend trumps Cave Man because she loves me- for her I GAF)

What is there to Opine on today?

Hmm, lets see… I’m sick so the general apathy I usually feel is amplified by a tenth to the I dont give a fuck multiplied by Pi.

What’s Obama up to? The financial reform bill? Fuck this, why don’t we just police all these peoples shit and tax their bonuses as income, because it IS income to those recieving them, and thats that! holy shit what is the fucking fuss? They fucked up, now you take away the privilege thats been abused- fucking basics man. I’m tired of the media placating these morons who object to obvious shit.

Tea Party… hmm, republicans who want to do bigoted shit and dont want it traced back to the republican party… need I say more? Thanks Jon Stewart for clearing that up, or was it Bill Maher?

Oh, and some Jag off said volcanoes are caused by women dressing scantily? I wish this were true so I can go jack a deisel hummer and head for the compound as armageddon ensues due to the already billions of women out there showing their god blessed sexiness, as wel as all the strippers working hard for their money- all setting the world off its axis, causing the techtonic plates to shift and the earth to open up and swallw assholes like that who make REEEEEE- diculous comments because they cant get none!