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Father’s Day… and forgiveness.

I am disloyal to my Occasional Opinion… I know. I don’t write as much as I should. In my defense I do not want to be a journalist, and this is my disclaimer, and to theme, my forgiveness of my self.

It’s Father’s Day. A difficult day for myself and many others in the States and wherever else this day is celebrated. I put myself with those who cannot wholly celebrate this day… Those who have lost a father to natural causes, or illness, or tragedy… but more so I belong to the subset that cannot celebrate this day traditionally because they have no relationship to their father. Some in this group may never have known their fathers. Among these will be the honored countless veterans children who lost their father’s before they even drew their first breath, or shortly thereafter. My heart and gratitude goes out to these families for the sacrifice they make. Most painful today, and Mother’s Day for those who lost that parent in service to our country and way of life.

There will be those that fit into the aforementioned “tragic” circumstance or illness as well. There will be the abandoned, who through no fault of their own were simply dealt the unfair hand to have the gift of life bestowed upon them by the irresponsible or morally incapable. There will be the adopted, who can be grateful in every way for having found love and caring in the homes of those whose hearts were so big they could impart that precious kind of love to children they had not brought into this world themselves… But who at one time or another have, do, or will think of their birth parents in one way or another. There will be those exactly like me… Who had their fathers in their lives at a young age, for myself up to my later teenage years, and then for whatever reason, no longer have a relationship with them, and possibly like me, do not know if they are even still with us.

There is no group this is easier for than any other. We all, as human beings, need something from those men who fathered us, if only acknowledgement. Some may think it is easier for males than females and there may be some truth to it. There will be argument as to whom a daughter is closer with, their mother or their father, but no argument that the first man in their life should in every respect have been their father. A young lady learns how she should be treated and loved by a man, from her father. If not in how he loves his daughter, then how she sees her father love her mother. We would always hope this involves kindness, patience and love- but we know that in the world we live in that’s not always the case.

For males our fathers are our model for manhood. I’ve read in modern literature the phrase “our fathers are our models for God”, and to some respect it’s true. We learn about being a man from our fathers. We learn every aspect of manhood from that example, everything from how to play sports in some cases, making a living, success and failure, as well as how to live, and love.

When you lose a parent there will be a time you will be angry. This time can go on for years, even a life time, if not blessed with the maturity and wisdom to acknowledge it. It’s a part of loss and grieving. It’s natural. Anger is a deceptive emotion that can sometimes ingrain itself into your being so deeply that you may not even recognize it’s gone dormant for a very long time… until something sparks it to life again, and if you’re honest with yourself at that time, you could work on it from that point. This holds true for us all. You will be angry at them, at yourself, at the world, and if the loss is a living loss, you may be angry at those the parent now chooses to spend that time with. This is where forgiveness comes in of course.

It’s much like anger, this concept of forgiveness. It may be something you thought to have achieved long ago, only to find out later, maybe there’s just a little more to work on. I’ve had the concept suggested to me often, and having to be honest with myself I have to consider what it is that would inspire someone to suggest that to me? When I know, or thought I had forgiven already. You always have to consider the impression someone tells you that they’ve gotten from you whilst you are unaware of your own projected persona. In the search for truth of self- this is often the truth you can never grasp on your own, and it can be the most valuable insight to who you are- because it’s who you are perceived to be by the world around you. Perception isn’t always truth, because you have to consider the source of course- but to be an open minded person, you must consider all sources.

In that respect, I’ve come to the conclusion that much like maturity itself, maybe forgiveness isn’t something you can ever truly get to, and simply have it, or be there like climbing to the top of a mountain, where you can say there, I got it, I’m done. The processes of forgiveness themselves are so complex, with that in mind the case is made without question- it’s not something that one can simply snap their fingers to, or say the words to, and decide- they’ve forgiven. Not with issues such as these. No… maybe forgiveness, like the pain of loss, and maturity, is a living thing, growing, and changing as we go on through life. Something organic like life itself, that takes work, one day at a time, today, more than the last, and so on… and when it’s built up, maybe forgiveness needs occasional maintenance. Occasional reminders. Like Father’s Day, when it comes around.

Forgiveness as well, is a difficult concept to advise to others in this respect- because unless you’re ready to apply it to every aspect of your own life, as life happens… you can’t expect anyone else to take your example can you? No. More to the point that it’s a difficult, living tenet to work with I think. You have to be able to show it, to prove you know it.

When all other hurdles have been jumped, all obstacles met and surpassed, we have to work on forgiving the circumstances that led us to these times, and actively apply the kindness and love we would have expected of our fathers, to ourselves. We have to acknowledge the fathers we know around us, in family and friends, who are present, and fortunate enough to have that opportunity to be there for their children. As difficult as it may be, we have to try and forgive, if not simply withhold judgment of those we know that for reasons all their own, are not present for their children.

Always remembering to be humble in the fact that we all have lives that are subject to judgment in one form or another- and that we should offer outwardly what we wish to receive back from the universe.

And in the end, for all of us out there who have or hope to have the opportunity to be a father one day, not counting those who’ve suffered the loss… there is always the promise to ourselves that we will do a better job than was done for us by our fathers who are absent.

We will be safer. We will be stronger. We will be present. Supportive. Loving. Caring. And fine examples of what a man should be to our sons and daughters.

Happy Father’s Day.

Everyone.

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Thoughts this week…

January 26, 2014 Leave a comment

Sochi Olympics;

Between personal morality and glory, gays, why aren’t you boycotting the Olympics in Russia outright? No pun intended.

You know what? Let’s stay on this issue…

I just saw the tennis legend Billy Jean King get complimented on a popular Sunday morning politico-news show, “you’re a great example to your sport”…

And it strikes me, how as a sports icon do you not engage that backhanded compliment for what it is? Or is the need of attention so desperate by the gay community that you will openly accept compliments to your excellence in whatever field you’re in, just that much more because you’re gay. As if, being gay was a credit to your excellence?

Now, I’m embarking on expressing a tight wire of an opinion here I know. I KNOW there are plenty of people out there who feel as I do, which is that they have no problem with people of any sexuality… but they will not voice this opinion because it comes with the hair trigger auto-response by any gay rights advocate or otherwise- that you’re a homophobe.

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth, at least for myself. I’m just a guy who wishes he didn’t have to have what someone else does in the privacy of their own bedroom, and life, pushed in my face in conjunction with other issues that in no way or means coincides with their sexuality.

Same as when I’m just trying to get through my work day, and you just won’t shut the fuck up with your random issues. Nothing against you personally, but I just don’t need the noise.

I’ve made the argument in the past by posing the question- How would it be accepted by friends, family, the general public, if I wore a T-shirt that announced to the world, that I like a certain type of sex, or sexual position? Keeping it hetero of course, in order to make my point. More so and in accordance with the theme of this post, what if when I accepted accolades for what I do, I also accepted those accolades on behalf of those who like… let’s say… fans of the 69?

Ludicrous isn’t it?

But think about it… Not every woman is a fan f the good old 69. Lets be real, there are some men who live blowjobless lives too. What about them? I feel for these guys. No matter the reasons. I’ve spoken to these women who withhold one of the most beautiful sensations in sexual relations- they are either unwilling to please their mates, just takers by nature, or they are unwilling to give for not recieving, or they don’t know, or are even put off by maybe a hazard of the job (no pun intended), like choking, gagging or elsewise we’ll not get into. In any case, the men who live with or in spite of these women live lives of shame and secrecy. Shame in that they will never willingly let their friends know that they will not be appreciated by their women, or are unable to inspire their women to appreciate them in this way. Secrecy in that in some cases, this deficiency in their relationships leads them to act out, and in acting out, sometimes it leads to infidelity.

So with that little bit being said, I think we can justifiably classify this one facet of hetero men, as in the closet, can we not? Can we not as well agree that they may be discriminated against because of this unfortunate deficiency of circumstances both socially as well as publicly? Think not? I’m pretty sure you can imagine a scenario where a man is passed over for a job for being percieved as weak, or incapable of being as much a man as another might be. This is the stigma attached to not being able to get a blowjob in some cases. Men know what I’m talking about. Men who don’t or can’t get a BJ will be thought of as men who maybe have something wrong with them.

If these parallels to homophobia are established then, and I’m saving time by not writing a fucking thesis here so just try and keep up- then can we also imagine activism on behalf of fighting back that discrimination against those men who either cannot get a blowjob or 69, or have just not been fortunate enough to get them. Its by no choice of their own, right? Like being born gay.

If you can imagine the activism, you can imagine some men wearing the pro-69 button or pin on their lapel. You can imagine the BJ & 69 parades. You can imagine the BJ & 69 flag. I can’t but you can, lol.

Don’t discriminate, just fellate.

For just 69 cents a day, you can help rid the world of un-BJ stigma.

You get my point though. So when that athlete you might admire is on TV representing the Olympics, would you appreciate that they are doing it as an ambassador to the Blow Job and the 69 as well?

Well, shyit… If I couldn’t get one I might too. Maybe I’ve countered my own argument?! No.

I wouldn’t want to know what they are getting, or not getting in their bedroom or in their personal lives. Sorry. Don’t care.

Now, is it wrong of me to think that a hetero ball player (whatever kind of ball other than their own) would be a better ball player if he got a regular serving of 69’s and BJ’s? Maybe. But still… do I need to know about it? No. I don’t.

So why do I need to know if you’re gay? I mean, c’mon, Brian Boytano… Billy Jean King… in some cases you’re going to “know” anyway, but do I need it to be an issue in relation to your sports performance? I think not. Am I wrong? No, I’m not- because they’re indisputably great at what they did.

Now if you want to do a Lifetime channel special on their struggles with being in the closet and trying to become great- and I have a girlfriend (whom I love, because if I am not in love…) who makes me watch it with her, will I have a problem with that? Noooo. Not at all. For that purpose it’s relevant of course and they deserve the pat on the back for having had to deal with adversity in trying times. Same as Jackie Robinson did in his time with the race issue. Yes, I just said a gay person dealing with homophobia and possible discrimination is or was the same as a black baseball player dealing with bigotry in earlier American history.

But I don’t need to know about it in your sports performance, your job performance, your political representation, or anywhere otherwise. If you are my friend and you want to discuss your relationship- IT STILL DOESN’T HAVE TO COME INTO PLAY! We can discuss common themes about relationships, because they are all the same when it comes down to it, without you telling me he went down on you or bent you over. Thats sex, not the relationship. A gay friend can tell me “then we made love” or “then we fucked” and it’s enough and the same as het. If by some curiosity it matters for details- then you go there, but otherwise can someone tell me how it matters either way gay or straight?

It doesn’t. So why I ask, now and for eternity, or until the world grows the fuck up- why must I know about your private sexual preference when I do not care, and it is not relevant?

It’s because the media or because of situations like the one on the news just now, that I’m made to care… and it then becomes counter productive because I don’t want to know. So then, if you’re shoving down my throat, no pun intended, how am I going to appreciate that?

Recently George Clooney did the smart thing.

He refused to answer the question whether he was gay or straight based on the way it may derogatorily percieved that he distinguished himself one way or another, by the other group. You follow? If he says he’s straight, he didn’t want his gay friends being offended that he would define himself apart from them, and if he’s gay, he didn’t want the same offense to his straight friends.

This my readers, is intelligence. It’s a gentle “mind your own fucking business, it’s not relevant to this interview or my work that you know who I suck or fuck in my personal life” AND a lesson, to be learned by you right now and the media as a whole- take that question off the menu across the board. Respect privacy.

Supercalafragilistically, Exprialadociously, Appropriate.

What’s inappropriate is a society and governance that moves so slowly on issues for fear of offence, but does not motivate for fear of stangnace, and allows an issue like this and others to crawl at such a slow pace that groups and organizations have to sprout up to fight discrimination, who then begin to draw divides in society that unfortunately they themselves cannot see they actually should stand against. In other words, gay rights has forced distinguishing themselves as a group, when shouldn’t the fight have been for anonymity?

If your fight is for a thing not to matter… then how is it that your fight, actually fights to make it matter? This applies most fervently to those who would otherwise not care, and already be the enlightened, of which I consider myself to be one, where the danger is you alienate, and lose support you would otherwise have against discrimination.

Again, this is why this issue and this opinion are a tightrope walk. Because at this point, it seems I’m saying the rape victim was asking for it- but I’m not.

I’m saying, that if I’m not supposed to care that you’re gay… then why are you forcing me to care? And by forcing me, you’re forcing me to not like that you’re forcing me, therefore I’m not liking you for forcing me, and you happen to be gay.

See how that could backfire?

But I’m not-not liking you, because you’re gay. I’m not-not liking you because you’re forcing me to care that you’re gay, when just as naturally as you are gay, I could naturally care less otherwise.

And a parallel comes to light between the unspoken-of issue of reverse racism (racism by those who historically have fought racism), and homophobic discrimination. Where perceived prejudice becomes the manifestation of prejudice towards the group prejudice is expected from.

Another danger of over-distinguishing is what is it expected to evolve to? By shining a spotlight, you can’t un-see a thing you want not to matter. The only way is forward, so what then? Will there one day be a separate Olympics for gays? The Gay Olympics? That would be ironic wouldn’t it? The Greeks thought it up, and thought nothing of bisexuality if I know what I know, but however many years later, it matters if you’re gay?

An aside… Sochi is in Russia, and Russia is anti-gay… so why if you’re gay, are you not boycotting the games?

You have this issue and supposed responsibility of bringing awareness to anti-gay sentiment and you are opting to cash in on the glory rather than to sacrifice for the greater good, and taking every athlete with you in the way that they can never feel they really won those games if there was competition that did not participate- but you said the hell with that, I want my spotlight, I want my medal, and it’s OK you’re anti-gay, as long as I get mine.

OK.

So much for that then.

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WordPress, but not WordPress…

February 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Special thanks to the developers at Links Alpha for such a great plug in. Also at Dallas Pro Web Designers for their plug in/ widget. Both made it really easy to move this blog off the Wp servers and keep some of the functionality.

Told ya… I was gonna do it. And it’s done.

I have a couple other blogs to move under my main domain umbrella and I’m done, at least publicly, with WordPress. After initially looking at the glamorous and glitzy Tumblr sites, I was impressed, but I couldn’t find comparable themes and templates. Mind you, they have some nice ones, but the really nice ones are about 20-60% more costly than those you would pay for in Wp format, and even if I did swallow that small pill, I would be losing the familiarity with which I’ve grown into, aesthetically, on my blogs.

Initially I was dismayed at the thought of eating my words and coming back, tail between my legs and continuing my begrudging relationship with the ever-silent racist sympathizer WordPress has become in my eyes, but no. Despite my keep-sh*t-simple life-motto, I knew that I wanted out from under and this was it, this was the time.

I could part with a layout I thought, if the layout is pleasing to the eye, as I feel mine are now- and I loved the fact I could apply the actual domain name without the subdomain (.wordpress.com) suffix to my blogs (something WordPress would reach into your pocket for!) at Tumblr… Then there were some functionality issues… Wp format is just more control-freak friendly, which I am. I needed a bit more control than is offered over there at Tum-Tum, as I’ve come to know affectionately refer to it. So what did I do? I took myself out of my comfort zone and got into the code a bit, installed the WordPress Application into my GoDaddy hosting account, and moved everything over. Some re-formatting glitches after familiarizing myself with the new operating procedures and log-ins, and here we are.

There are some tweaks on each site (two so far) that I have to come back to- but for the most part- the work is done.

I figure once in a while, I may repost an entry in the old (.wordpress.com) blog to attract some hits from the internal mechanism they have, freshly pressed and whatnot- but for the most part- we are free (and you can be too).

And we are under our own flags as well.

When you type in www.theoccasionalopinion.com you are led to the main domain The Occasional Opinion, then redirected to the subdomain under Damian Dezign. Looks the same as this one, so will you know the difference? Sans the stink of a background support staff that says nothing to you when you complain of racial epithets espoused upon you by other users of the free service- nahhhh, no difference at all.

This will be the last post here for a while, so if you don’t hit the link, and rss link or feed or do whatever it is you do to keep up at the new site, you will not receive an update when I comment on the absurdities of our world.

I’ve got some pent up thoughts on Lindsey and Hale, racism, white male model on black baby crimes, as if we need more daddy issues in this country… and more, waiting to come out…

All of which will not be posted here.

See you on the other side folks!

bye bye you mother f%&*($#s =P

Internet Dating; A guide.

January 13, 2011 Leave a comment

I know- left field right? This is an old draft I never finished, and needing a break from what I was working on- but too neurotic to do nothing at all and end up feeling like a loser who wastes time- I take a working break from work and finish up an old blog entry. In any case- not dating so much any more, at least not traditionally- eesh, never traditionally anymore (and succeeding with women more than ever as a result)- I figure why not drop this gem on ya.  when I still subscribed to the social norms of dating though, Internet Dating came in so handy in filtering out the psychos that I shudder to think what my life would be like if I hadn’t made use of it as much as I did. In fact- the most unsuccessful relationships (disasters) I’ve had- were of the real-time kind. And the clean breaks, even friendships in closing, were all of online origins. Suffice to say I have more faith in using the internet to find someone of substance to create a relationship with than I do in real-time.

The reasons I have more faith in this format than real time is a subject there may be hints to in this post- but is better suited for a follow up- for now, enjoy whatcha got.

Online Dating; A Guide

1. Check Yourself.

What are you doing? Do you know what you’re doing? Are you just following your nose around or do you have a specific course of action you intend to follow? You would be surprised how many men and women still think the internet is some kind of quaint joke and treat it as such- not realizing that it’s a real life portal into their lives and its best you mind that portal before you end up like Alice in Wonderland- falling through the rabbit hole and no way to get home.

So make up your mind as to what it is you want from this thing, and you’ll soon find your next steps much more calculated, and the responses you get will make much more sense to you- meaning you will know who is who- and what to do about each one.

There is nothing better than representing your own voice of reason- and seeing how so much else makes sense because you know who you are first.

So… If you’re dating to get out of the house- say so. If you’re dating to get married- say so. If you’re figuring things out- say so. Don’t play games.

Do you know if you are playing games? Many people think they are being real when in reality- they are full of sh*t. Sometimes by no fault of your own you won’t know that you’re full of it until later on when you outgrow it- it happens to us all. But you can try and be honest with yourself so as to save yourself the time ad trouble that comes from attracting the people who you THOUGHT you would be into- and they- expecting a person who was supposed to be for them- where everyone ends up upset.

2. Pictures.

Never post none, or one. Minimum, if specific about each, you need Three. One, face, smiling, close but not too close, shoulders in the shot? Ok, acceptable. Two, Full head to toe shot, this can be in casual dress or to the 9’s, but has to alternate from the third. Which Third, is also head to toe, but in the opposite dress style of the second photo. So you have Three, a face/head/ shoulder shot, a head to toe casual and a head to toe dressy shot.

What not to post…

Always remember you are advertising yourself- so if you choose to post pictures of you leaning on a Ferrari and you’re not looking for a sugar daddy or a fellow millionaire, lets hope its from the car show and it’s clear thats where it was taken.

This is not an opportunity to see pretty pictures of yourself online. It’s about getting the results you want, and you have to advertise appropriately.

Your pictures represent your current or your intended class and income bracket. And if you think it doesn’t show, you’re wrong- it does. A socialite posts pictures taken of her at events, and a wanna-be socialite posts pictures of her wishing she was a socialite, and it shows. If you’re looking for a fellow socialite, please post away. If you’re looking for someone to get you in the door, again, go right ahead. But if you’re not- and you’re a down to earth guy or gal, spare yourself the results you’ll get from a misguided effort.

If you’re in a bar toasting drinks and laughing uncontrollably in all your photos- you can bet that looks good to an alcoholic frat boy or graduate who wants in on the fun. Can you say date rape me? if not- well your pictures sure did.

If all your photos are of you with friends at sporting events, it says that’s what you’re into- you will get men or women who think that they have found someone who they can go tailgating with and who will always have a game to go to- with or without you. Forget about anything but football at home on Sundays.

Same goes for bikinis/ bathing suits. Yes, it can be your head to toe casual shot, and in fact it’s recommended if you want to advertise that you are in bikini/bathing suit shape, but unless you want to be objectified, I suggest only posting one and specifying in your narrative that you require anyone interested be in similar shape. If you do not follow those guidelines and you post two or more scantily clad pictures, and you do not specify that it’s there because you want to show someone that they should be in similar shape and it’s important to you- then you WILL have perverts (more than usual) responding to the advertisement that you are looking for cheap sex.

Don’t shoot the messenger- I’m just giving it to you straight.

Scenery- why? Unless you really do mean the generic overused statement “I like/ love to travel” and even then- why? Unless you are in the shot under the guidelines stated- It communicates that you are stupid. You have no recognition of the forum’s purpose and you have no regard for wasting people’s time. If you are this way in real life- then yes, certainly post a picture of the Eifel Tower, the leaning tower of Pisa and the Grand Canyon, all without anyone in the picture. You will get someone who wants to hear about your trips, not someone who really cares who you are- again, unless you are your trips, and not a real person.

3. Do not pay for it.

It’s a scam. and the more successful the site says they are- they just mean how successful they are at hooking people into becoming serial daters. There are no good intentions in business, other than the intention to make money off of a customer- repeatedly if possible. You KNOW this, so why all of a sudden do you think that a website of all places, has come to the forefront in your search for adoration and love of the human kind? the website and it’s founders do not care about you or your happiness. They care about their happiness. They care about their own comfort- and how much of your money they can get to make that happen. The emlpoyees- they care about paying their bills. And if it means making you the crackhead of dating- then hey- smoke up baby! Don’t pay for it. make your name on the site, your e mail name or make a name up and then go get a free e mail account at an open ISP like Gmail or Yahoo and make it out to the same name. This way when you write your narrative, you can bury a hint in there like “Gee” if you wanted to get in touch with me it’s not that hard” or “It’s not that hard to get in touch with a Yahoo like me” – but likely you’ll have to be more clever than that and space the name up like “y ah oo” to get past the filters they have in place to reject your narrative and have you rewrite it.

Consider this as well;

If you are serious about finding a person for yourself this is very important for you to consider…

Let’s use one of the most popular websites for example- one that literally absorbed some of it’s competition to become the site it is today, I’m talking about Match.com, who absorbed Love@aol, AOL’s personal’s service and another I can’t remember, I think it may have been MSN’s equivalent.

If you join Match.com as a paying member, and you are serious about finding One person- then you are in the worst of situations. why? Because if you actually do find someone you are more than visually interested in, meaning you have some interests in common and you appreciate and understand their method of communication, then you might feel the inclination to break the ice- either by the (also free) option of Winking, or by (paying members only) sending an e mail.

In either case- once you crossed that boundary and are either waiting for a Wink back so you can feel your advance is welcome, or you’re waiting for an email reply- you are confronted with at least three other candidates that their system has deemed close enough to who you were interested in- as soon as you click Send.

of course you might think to yourself, Sure, I’ll just ignore them. And you might. The first time. If your interesting potential mate answers your wink or e mail and you go out and have a great time, soon after engaged and married- then never mind- you are the exception. But if your potential mate for whatever reason- does not respond, or rejects you- you can count on you not ignoring those three potential runners up the next time around- and why will you do this?

BECAUSE YOU ARE A PAYING MEMBER.

As a consumer- when is it you pay for something and don’t make it a point to get your money’s worth? Almost never. So, like I said- maybe, just maybe you can resist and focus on that one person’s response the first time- but not the second, or from that point on. Most people take what’s put in front of them. and when Match.com or any other site offers you three potential extra matches, and three more, and three more, and three more for as long as you reach out  to any single one- you will slowly fall into their trap of becoming a serial dater.

You will adapt to the mentality- rather unwittingly- that there is always something better around the corner. Always another option, or three, just a click away.

So you can even be on a date and as you are getting to know someone, and instead of listening open mindedly and acceptingly, imparting that kindness to another that you would like imparted to you for your flaws and humble indiscretions- you are listening only for the items that will exclude this person from the perfect image you have in your mind of the person you think would deserve your full affection. You’re going off a checklist in your mind cutting this person down at the first thing they reveal that even comes close to resembling something potentially wrong. Why? Because you’ve been clicking on the next three options way too long. You’re brainwashed into thinking that if a person has one flaw- there is no reason to extend them just a little understanding (what a relationship might be about), because there are plenty other fish in the sea.

When in reality- there aren’t.

The older you get- the more people pair up, have children, either stay together or divorce, but all-in-all, have lives they aren’t that ready to repeat with those who dished out the neverending line of rejection.

The people who have relationships are those who extend each other understanding, make exceptions, teach and learn- ultimately growing together. When those tenets are broken, so are the relationships.

Examine any relationship you like- you will find that last statement to be true.

Now, who have you become, if you won’t even get out of the starting gate because a website has taught you to nix a person you found attractive at the first sign of trouble?

Alone.

If you are a non-paying member, and cleverly hide a hint to how one can get in touch with you outside their system, then you are guaranteed two things that no price of membership can guarantee you…

1. The person making contact with you ACTUALLY READ what you had to say. How else did they get to the point where you dropped your hint unless they took the time to read?

2. They are willing to do more to earn your attention than the minimum or to merely PAY for it via a cheap membership to a website.

If you think you have some sort of security in your search results because those reaching you have paid for a membership- think again. If you’re a paying member or ever have been, then you know from experience- there was no mental evaluation or security screening when you joined was there? As long as you have internet access (an internet cafe in Kenya will do) and an e mail address (plenty of free email accounts are available out there), then you can become a paying member of a website as long as you have a bank account or a credit card. Last I heard, child molesters and ex cons can have both, and if they have bad credit a pre-paid credit card is easy enough to get too.

You actually are more secure waiting for the responses from those who took the time to read through your ad- something that a spammer or scammer will never bother to do.

I’ll tell you this- in the time I had my ad up, I never got spam because of it. Spammers, Search engines and Worms that travel through the internet seek out obvious indicators to e mail addresses. This is why if you sell your couch on craigslist and bypass their anonymous e mail by putting your own out there- you get a ton of spam. The @ symbol alone triggers them. Since what you have is a hint buried in text- they don’t look for you or can find you.

The only people reaching you will be those people genuinely interested in you.

Other benefits to this method include not having t0o wade through a ton of emails from people who are just fishing for attention. For “nice” guys it may be women who want to use you for a night out on your dime. For serious minded women, it will be a ton of losers who just want to get laid.

You can put your ad up- and go about your life. The way it should be. if you’re putting so much emphasis on finding a significant other- it’s likely that you aren’t very significant to yourself first. You know what they say- Love shows up when you least expect it- and if you look for it, you’ll never find it. So post your ad- like a flag on a hill, and work on your career, your body, your friendships, your life. Every once in a while you’ll get an e mail from some one who by getting in touch with you has already shown that at least they stand out from the crowd enough to go the extra mile. And that’s something you don’t get from sitting at a bar either waiting for a guy to buy you a drink, or waiting for a girl to say sure- I’ll have a…

Again, if you’re looking to use the internet as an extension of the singles bar- go ahead. There are plenty half wits out there doing the same and its just as easy to fail on the internet- and complain about it not doing the work for you of course- for you to find plenty of dates and the occasional rape. But if you recognize the fact that the internet is an amazing screening tool you can use to cut down on the amount of wasted time, effort and money wasted in the pursuit of love with the wrong people- and you use it as such- uncompromisingly- then you will see that when you do meet someone that passes your individualized set of filters, that the experience you have is much better than the thoughtless one you were putting yourself through before, whether it results in a friendship or love.

Over and Out.

Quick thoughts on: Security Pat Downs, Black Fridays, Death…

November 29, 2010 Leave a comment

Quickly; (I know I can sure write way too much but seriously, )

Security Pat Downs:

WTF? Seriously? So much money and time and media B.S. wasted on this subject- hey! Anyone remember Drug Mules? If I were a terrorista, and I wanted to smuggle something explosivo on an identified flying object- factor in I’m on the ride of my life of course- why am I bothering with anything less than complete concealment- yeahhhh that’s right people, I’m going there. In the ASS!

Cavity Search!

Now, if I haven’t been identified while standing on the line already (which I would expect from an intelligence budget in excess of $80.1 Billion… yeah, that’s frakkin right I said BILLION), and thus, already singled out for the cavity search that will end up dropping the package- then what makes you think you’re going tot stop me from popping the plane mid flight anyway. Ain’t no pat-down gonna do a damn thing.

And if you really – I mean really-really think that’s actually any kind of line of defense… then justify the 80.1 billion that DOESN’T isolate true credible threats before they even get to the airport- or on the line to get on the plane!

Black Fridays:

Hmm, you ever wonder how the general public would go about it’s business if the news media didn’t reveal itself to be a tool of the capitalist machine, securing by advertising and influence, higher margins of sale for major corporations? It occurs to me, maybe people might buy less, sure, and this would effect the overall economy, sure, but there would also be less waste, and maybe, just maybe, people would teach their kids, and each other- that you don’t actually have to have everything you see advertised on television, you don’t actually have to equate your personal validation or level of acceptance, much less the love of significant others by measuring it against how much material, or the monetary value of material items obtained for you on these commercial holidays.

Read that twice, because I said a lot.

My heart goes out the most to the shmoes who fall for the jewelry ads, and the women who sigh in recognition of how right those ads are… because the guys are suckers, and the women are saying it’s OK to buy their love.

The couple holds the child, he asks “I wonder if he’ll remember his first Christmas?…” (an absurd thing to wonder when the child looks like the umbilical has yet to dry up and fall off) and she says “I know I will” as she puts the ringed hand in view, annnd scene.

And we can rest assured, this ad represents our culture.

If I had the money I would recreate this ad for the holiday season. In my version the woman would say “I know I will, because when he grows up and we struggle to provide for his higher education, we can think back to how you spent our hard earned money on this useless shiny stone and metal bauble in some feeble minded follower mentality effort to buy my love and appreciation. It’s bad enough we have to succumb to the keep-up-with-the-Jones’es social pressure and waste money on lights and trees, but what were you thinking? What if there’s a flood, have we paid the insurance? What if there’s another financial collapse- are we doing so well we can be frivolous with our money? Are you so insecure as a man you think you have to buy your alpha-ness? what if he gets sick, god forbid, how is this ring going to pay for his healthcare? Even if we achieve financial comfort in the years to come, do you really think it responsible use of a financial note when in this very country, probably in our own neighborhood, people are likely hungry? What kind of father are you going to be? Will you teach this kind of lack of social consciousness to our son? Return this ring as soon as you can and put the money into a secure investment for our son’s future!”

In my search for a random picture to post with this little blog entry (you know you’ll never get on Freshly Pressed without one) I found this hilarious video that expresses a similar sentiment- and from a woman no less- muy admirable. You might have to watch that phallic-ally gratuitous commercial from Blackberry but don’t worry, the feeling that you want (Moby) Dick on your face fades quickly. Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Jewelry

Otherwise, since it’s not a Google or YouTube video I can’t actually add or embed any more than a link thanks to corporate partnerships and such, as Jon Stewart would say- here’s your moment of Zen…

yes, that's a "bachelorette shot glass ring"

 

and Death:

Today we heard of Leslie Nielsen and some guy who wrote the score for Star Wars- was it? Dying… I can understand the posts saying R.I.P., but others come off sounding foolish with comments like “you will be missed” as if you corresponded with Mr. Neilsen or the other guy, and yes, you will miss them because they were ever present in your life. Or even the “what a loss” comment- now, really? What a loss? Mr. Neilsen was 85? He wasn’t going to make any more movies i don’t think, and the other guy, who knows, I only thought of him today, because he died, and sure, great score, historic work, but as far as a loss, I’m sorry sir, with exception to your family, your loss is like the loss of that elusive other sock after the laundry to me- and even then perhaps the sock is more of a loss I think. You, I did not know. No loss.

Of course I turn it on myself a bit before I let others and before I open my mouth- and when Greg Giraldo died not long ago I was effected. But this was because of the proximity in a way, I had seen him perform live and was proud a Hispanic was succeeding in comedy, and that he wasn’t the equivalent of a black-face sell out to do it. When I said his death was a loss, I meant it, it is a loss. And when I said he would be missed, it wasn’t just in reference to some outdated movies that I could reminisce  over, it was in reference to his current persona and sans-death, future work that will never come.

I just think it’s ridiculous how some people are so random in their expressions, and it shows how lonely they are as people sometimes, where they choose to say certain things.

Is it a shame they died? Sure. But as far as I know, both were of natural causes too- so they came to their ends respectively, and that’s that. We all die. No one overdosed tragically, or blew their caps off with a shotgun or were murdered. They passed away. May they rest in peace and their families find the same.

 

 

To give thanks…

November 24, 2010 Leave a comment

Let’s see, what can I give thanks for?

Of course, the short list of obvious stuff, thanks for the health of family and friends. I mean, who wants that kind of pain- right? (note the selfishness in that sentiment)

Thanks for the luck I’m riding of late. I recognize, sure.

What else- sure, my own health so far. It could be worse.

Now the real good stuff…

Thanks to this filthy city for creating a disgusting atmosphere from which to manifest the point of view that if it’s all on it’s way out, then can it please just hurry up and go under so the playing field can be leveled out and survival can take on it’s true meaning, not the class warfare soft touch hypocrisy it is now. Thanks to New York, for making me long for the day I can leave New York.

Thanks to the animals on the 4,5 and 6 train, both rich and poor who add to that opinion above with their vegetarian zombie like stares into the nothingness as they cram into those modern day cattle cars. You make me wonder, daily, how you would come to life in a moment of crisis, and how unprepared you probably are to do what has to be done to stay alive.

Thanks to the “free” publications… You obstruct my path with your buckets of newspapers and your minimum wage welfare working or handicap personnel, disturb my mornings by instructing them to yell as loud as they can and create a trip hazard at the top of the stairway entrances to the subway- thank you. You make me wish iPads, those bourgeois overpriced toys, were cheaper so that all print media would hurry up and die too. And as much as I wouldn’t want there to be more unemployed in the world, these people you use, could just go away so I can have back my morning, without the interruption.

Thanks to the lottery for teaching me with every dollar that my path is not his or hers, I’m only marginally lucky (thanked for that above), but not THAT lucky, and I’ll have to keep scraping by to get to where I want to be in life, much less have the influx of income to take on the position necessary to exact chaotic anarchy upon this broken excuse for society. You all should give thanks for that one.

Tanks to the MTA for being just another corporation sucking the blood of it’s cornered market and providing the shoddiest service possible in order to keep raping the people of New York of their hard earned money, and funneling it up and out into the bank accounts of the overpaid millionaire’s who do nothing on the board of directors.

Can’t thank the MTA without thanking the United States Government for the same kind of exemplary behavior, every single politician playing stupid AS-IF the system will ever work, broken and corrupt as it is, you have to thank them, and humanity for it’s blatant hypocritical self destructive greed that makes you wonder- do people think that if they accumulate enough wealth, that they will somehow save themselves when the majority of people, the poor, that they helped make that way- get fed up and want for blood?

Thanks to capitalism, for perverting science, and holding back the human race, among other crimes against humanity.

Thanks religion, for the exact same things.

Thanks for the pimple on my nose! At my age- a pimple?!?! On the tip of my nose?!?!

And aside from the bitter angst-

I do give thanks for art, urban art, and though I reject vandalism, I respect social protest and a well thought out work of graffiti that when observed, really doesn’t hurt anyone.

I thank that last segment on the News with Katie Couric, 9 out of 10 times it really is touching and gives you a glimpse of what the world would be like if most people weren’t so F’d up.

I could go on, but then what would I have to write about the rest of the year?

Happy Thanksgiving all, may you successfully block out the world and pretend it’s all going to be alright long enough to enjoy dinner together.

Oh, Thanks for my being single, and that I do not have kids. I mean it. Thanks!

P.S. If you google “funny turkey” you get some interesting image hits…

Following up…

November 15, 2010 Leave a comment

The list is as follows…

~ Racism, yes, still. Entitlement, and the phenomenon of disassociation.

~ Blogging, on my production sheet?

~ Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of.

~ And relatives, the holidays, and the stress that comes with. Believe me, as with most things “me”, you haven’t heard this take on the subject yet.

Last entry, the first issue wore me out. I’ll try and keep the update brief. 

So I am still waiting to hear back from Facebook and Word Press on their reaction/ response to the open use of hate speech (what I’ve come to term it) on their sites. In research for some images to put up with this entry I found it interesting that there was a Cafe Press shop dedicated to the very word in question! Openly offering bumper stickers and other items not only with the word “beaner”, but mocking the ethnicities associated to that word with “I love…” and other phrases including a reference to the I.N.S.

Now, it occurs to me, as it obviously would by the lack of response and commentary to this matter from both the organizations in question and the public (a total of one person weighed in seriously), that the value of a racial epithet, or rather the value of it’s offensiveness is dependant only on the ethnicity’s willingness to stand up against it.

I made the point in my e mail to Cafe Press, that if I were to go open a shop with them emblazoning the N word, swastikas, and antisemitic rhetoric, ethnic mocking and other “more popularly accepted” forms of hate speech, I would hope they notice and stop me.

For this word though, it seems no one cares? Not the people at WordPress, not Facebook, and I have to be fair and give Cafe Press the chance to weigh in, but it may be they don’t care either.

It seems too many people consider this a point of humor to even realize it’s racist. Part of the reason I despise the comedian Carlos Mencia, a non-Mexican by the way, for playing a large part in popularizing the term and blatantly focusing it against fellow Hispanics of another nationality than his own. But if Mexican-Americans don’t stand up against it- I suppose I can likely accomplish only so much.

My observation is derived of course from seeing how the N word has been handled by the African American community. They took a stand and made the world recognize that it’s wrong. In my last entry I wrote a bit about Disassociation, and that word, that condition, is what the AA community relieved the general public of for the most part, by bringing attention to it in the way they did. Personally, I believe there is the correct use of all language, and however offensive, certain words unfortunately have their place and time. But I did learn that language is always like a gun in this respect. You can have one in the house and sure, keep it loaded if you wish, but be sure that when you take it out, think twice before you use it, because not only will you be hurting someone else, but you may very well hurt yourself in the process as well.

I mean, whats it going to take? A hate crime? Do some ignorant people somewhere need to hurt someone or god forbid kill them while using that anti-Mexian, anti-Hispanic term? Wouldn’t it be typical of American society that it needs the media to get involved before it really shows it can care about a cause?

It’s disgusting how ignorance in America targets Muslims now because of the actions of some fanatics nearly 11 years ago. You have some fanaticism in respect to southern border patrol issues and immigration, you have a quiet hypocrisy about how the northern border is handled (the joke is on the hypocrites though because enough Hispanics use that to their advantage and immigrate as they please through the northern border), but you don’t see these things associated to each other when it comes to issues of race. A teacher reads Shakespearean literature and is ostracized immediately for the lack of understanding to context, but people run around using a word that to me is as racist as the word “Spick”, and no one says anything about it. A Village Voice column humorously named “Ask a Mexican” where I’ve seen the word used comes to mind. Although I can’t say that other than it being a funny and informative column, that they used it in a racist manner- just that I do remember it in there, to be fair. But it all comes down to people standing up and saying something… which they’re not.

So these self admitted “drunk bitches” (thats right they call themselves that), who randomly picked a blog fight with me over a one line response to one of their entries (all documented well enough on their site- which by the way, hilariously makes them seem like lunatics, but they don’t see it) can go around calling Spanish people “beaners” and no one, not the website they have their blog on, or their misguided short list of fans… or anyone who reads (save one person) my words, bother to say one word in criticism of that inappropriate behavior. It’s unbelievable.

Alright- said I’d keep it brief, so thats it for that update… more to come. I plan on writing The Voice and The New York Times as well. The L. A. Times might be interested.

Next on that list is Blogging… on my Production Sheet?

I keep a production sheet of all the up in the air projects I have going on. I have an idea that becomes more than just that before it vaporizes into the id, I create a row and track progress. If I don’t, nothing will ever get done and I’ll remember about a great undeveloped idea a year later when I’m copying over a hard drive and I find the folder under an inch of digital dust.

Putting blogging on the production sheet will legitimize it… so should I? If I do, it means I take this shit seriously, and really, a lot of time I don’t. But I do spend time on writing, and it is constructive, developmental and fulfilling…

Also, if I add that line, it’s another line of empty cells I haven’t worked on in however long since I last did…

I’m pretty good at coming back to it though, even on weekends, so I guess it can’t hurt.

Done.

Thanks for listening.

Next…

Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of…

It occurs to me this isn’t my personal blog, it’s the O.O., so I have to write this with a particular and distinct literary skew meant for public consumption and not the t’hell with it voice I use on for personal stuff ova’tharr. But if you need reference to comments and you can’t find my blog, which is good, you can refer to The New Good instead.

Recently I heard the word “relationship” and felt such an unfamiliarity with the concept it made me realize how far I’d come in the last year (ref. to personal blog you can’t find). It caused me to examine (of course) the whole concept of relationships from a new perspective. The usual perspective, one where I actually cared for them to work, I am now thankfully relieved of.

Now, I’m sure that somewhere out there, there are the relationships that work. Excluding those using crutches like religion or otherwise cult-like behavior that makes drinking the kool-aid seem like sexy and romantic together stuff. I’m not saying it’s impossible otherwise, but as far as I see it now, after half a life of experience and half of that if not more, searching for love enough to see a pattern in the type of women I personally attract- I am saying that for the majority of people a great relationship is as rare as that jackpot lottery win- maybe even more rare.

There are mechanisms in people that in most, are broken. There is a trait, I do not know what to call it, one of calm and patience, that lends itself to the success of a relationship. In fact, it lends itself to being able to get along with people in general. But even this, in my observance can be defective in some, because it can also lapse into passivity and over compliance. Save this well balanced trait having wise person finding someone equally wise and patient, the best the rest of us can hope to do in my opinion, is master, and become accepting of, our own personal situations.

Not everyone will find or accomplish what they want in life.

Some people will die alone.

That’s just the way it is, and it’s real, and it’s true. And it may be you.

Me? I’m OK. Finally. The strange thing is, that it’s on the complete other side of the spectrum than I thought it would be. I may die alone, and that’s OK. I’ve accepted that considering the kind of women that come my way, I’d rather.

I’m not trying to be funny, though it may make you laugh. It does me. But I’m serious. I’m not enamored with the thought of lovey dovey cuddling anymore, I’m not thinking about “what if I don’t have kids”. I’m happy, focusing my efforts toward accomplishing personal goals. In fact, I have taken such a step back that I can see the issues people (and by “people” I mean women, since I don’t really care about men as any kind of romantic interest, former or otherwise) have, clearer than ever. I no longer tell myself “nah, that can’t be right” and make the ridiculously repetitive error of allowing yet another one in to disappoint me, I simply see it for what it is, and I set the boundary.

Is it bitterness? A self check one does when an evaluation falls a bit on the negative side- results come up clean.

Any bitterness I feel is concentrated most on the individual, then diluted on the culture, but when it comes to the gender, my observations are for all across the board, and that focused bitterness for the specific person falls wayside as irrelevant.

I don’t see the necessity of romantic relationships anymore.

We all know (or should know) the science of it. Love is a biochemical delusion. Yes there are instinctual drives at play, to procreate, to mate etc. But practically the word “relationship” doesn’t apply to those animal drives. “Relationship”, to “get along” with your significant other… to build a life together… only the truly fortunate find significant others with the ability to do what needs to be done in order to be “a couple”, a “team” or partners or parents successfully. And even those “successful” relationships sometimes seem to have a temporary expiration date- which with my new eyes so to speak, I really do understand. It makes so much more sense than the concept of “forever” most women want you to sign on for.

I mean think about it- “FOREVER”… resisting the urge to use echo and reverb and run on the R sound…

Forever, as a concept for a temporary life. That’s kind of stupid actually. Even IF, in a world of a million-million different options, you found “the one”… Which if you are truly aware of your flaws and accept the limitations within yourself necessary to claim knowledge that this person you found IS truly the bes tthat you can do… I can understand- but under those circumstances, we all know how unlikelythat is don’t we?

If a person does, as they do at the alter all the time, soon after they end up thinking of course, that they can do better. Why? Well simply because to admit you can’t do any better is to put yourself down. And you may be struck, and taken by the loveliness of this person you found and languishing in the glow of seemingly having conquered that ass, basking in your champion glory… but it won’t last. It fades. You’re human and soon enough you’ll see another challenge you need to conquer and that’s when the trouble (only trouble because you bought into the system and its rules) begins.

Can you meet someone who will make you say you don’t want anyone else? Sure, I’ll say it’s very possible. But you better hope they feel the same way or everything I just said in reference to you- I mean for them.

Do we “need” a relationship? To live? To survive? No. You can get along just fine without a long term relationship. Would it be nice to have a partner, someone whose got your back to use street terms? Sure, of course. But do you need that? No. What you get from a significant other you can get anywhere else. Friendships, sex, partnership, loyalty, children- all attainable, and fullfillingly, from other sources than a “relationship”.

So on a personal level, I don’t have to deal with women’s bullshit. And this is what lately makes me the happiest. I used to go back on my own words and intentions, and allow myself to get dragged back in to the bullshit. In the name of open mindedness of course. Does this mean I’m closed minded now? Maybe a little more closed minded, but what I definitely can say I know is, is that I don’t have to put the shit to my nose to know it stinks so to speak. I don’t have to allow people to screw me up to know that’s not the way to go. Since I stopped, and simply said “no more”… I’ve been the happiest I can be and more so, as I said earlier, I’ve been able to distinguish B.S. from reality better than ever.

I’ve met women, and as predictable as sunrise, the hooks come out. They begin to try and suck you in with nonsense to be able to feed their own need of validation. I see this now and understand the saying “she’s a man eater”. Because when you can see things from this vantage point, you can see how women do what they do so that they can purely consume a subject and attain for themselves what they need- and show no regard or remorse for the consequences to the person they are effecting with their actions.

One woman I was seeing up to a month ago couldn’t go on a date without suggesting I move out to her side of town.

What IS that?

Can’t just have a good time?

But this is a micro-example. I get more out of hearing my peers stories, and observing those who don’t like to share, than I do from my own cautious experience. Both are invaluable of course, but the majority of observation comes from outside, not in.

I meet women now, and drive the problematic ones away with frustration. frustration because they can’t get me to play their game. They retreat, realizing they are up against someone who is going to get from them what he wants, with no promise of recompense, same as they would do to me if I let them.

And that, is only when I feel like even bothering.

I never understood men who paid for sex. But now… I see the wisdom. It’s just so much less complicated and liberating. And though I have yet to do so myself, I can see myself buying myself the best in those terms when I’ve accomplished what I need to for myself in life.

Or, who knows, I might win the lottery?

Naaaaaaaaaaah.

Relatives and Holidays tomorrow, I’m tired of writing.

Out.