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Thoughts this week…

January 26, 2014 Leave a comment

Sochi Olympics;

Between personal morality and glory, gays, why aren’t you boycotting the Olympics in Russia outright? No pun intended.

You know what? Let’s stay on this issue…

I just saw the tennis legend Billy Jean King get complimented on a popular Sunday morning politico-news show, “you’re a great example to your sport”…

And it strikes me, how as a sports icon do you not engage that backhanded compliment for what it is? Or is the need of attention so desperate by the gay community that you will openly accept compliments to your excellence in whatever field you’re in, just that much more because you’re gay. As if, being gay was a credit to your excellence?

Now, I’m embarking on expressing a tight wire of an opinion here I know. I KNOW there are plenty of people out there who feel as I do, which is that they have no problem with people of any sexuality… but they will not voice this opinion because it comes with the hair trigger auto-response by any gay rights advocate or otherwise- that you’re a homophobe.

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth, at least for myself. I’m just a guy who wishes he didn’t have to have what someone else does in the privacy of their own bedroom, and life, pushed in my face in conjunction with other issues that in no way or means coincides with their sexuality.

Same as when I’m just trying to get through my work day, and you just won’t shut the fuck up with your random issues. Nothing against you personally, but I just don’t need the noise.

I’ve made the argument in the past by posing the question- How would it be accepted by friends, family, the general public, if I wore a T-shirt that announced to the world, that I like a certain type of sex, or sexual position? Keeping it hetero of course, in order to make my point. More so and in accordance with the theme of this post, what if when I accepted accolades for what I do, I also accepted those accolades on behalf of those who like… let’s say… fans of the 69?

Ludicrous isn’t it?

But think about it… Not every woman is a fan f the good old 69. Lets be real, there are some men who live blowjobless lives too. What about them? I feel for these guys. No matter the reasons. I’ve spoken to these women who withhold one of the most beautiful sensations in sexual relations- they are either unwilling to please their mates, just takers by nature, or they are unwilling to give for not recieving, or they don’t know, or are even put off by maybe a hazard of the job (no pun intended), like choking, gagging or elsewise we’ll not get into. In any case, the men who live with or in spite of these women live lives of shame and secrecy. Shame in that they will never willingly let their friends know that they will not be appreciated by their women, or are unable to inspire their women to appreciate them in this way. Secrecy in that in some cases, this deficiency in their relationships leads them to act out, and in acting out, sometimes it leads to infidelity.

So with that little bit being said, I think we can justifiably classify this one facet of hetero men, as in the closet, can we not? Can we not as well agree that they may be discriminated against because of this unfortunate deficiency of circumstances both socially as well as publicly? Think not? I’m pretty sure you can imagine a scenario where a man is passed over for a job for being percieved as weak, or incapable of being as much a man as another might be. This is the stigma attached to not being able to get a blowjob in some cases. Men know what I’m talking about. Men who don’t or can’t get a BJ will be thought of as men who maybe have something wrong with them.

If these parallels to homophobia are established then, and I’m saving time by not writing a fucking thesis here so just try and keep up- then can we also imagine activism on behalf of fighting back that discrimination against those men who either cannot get a blowjob or 69, or have just not been fortunate enough to get them. Its by no choice of their own, right? Like being born gay.

If you can imagine the activism, you can imagine some men wearing the pro-69 button or pin on their lapel. You can imagine the BJ & 69 parades. You can imagine the BJ & 69 flag. I can’t but you can, lol.

Don’t discriminate, just fellate.

For just 69 cents a day, you can help rid the world of un-BJ stigma.

You get my point though. So when that athlete you might admire is on TV representing the Olympics, would you appreciate that they are doing it as an ambassador to the Blow Job and the 69 as well?

Well, shyit… If I couldn’t get one I might too. Maybe I’ve countered my own argument?! No.

I wouldn’t want to know what they are getting, or not getting in their bedroom or in their personal lives. Sorry. Don’t care.

Now, is it wrong of me to think that a hetero ball player (whatever kind of ball other than their own) would be a better ball player if he got a regular serving of 69’s and BJ’s? Maybe. But still… do I need to know about it? No. I don’t.

So why do I need to know if you’re gay? I mean, c’mon, Brian Boytano… Billy Jean King… in some cases you’re going to “know” anyway, but do I need it to be an issue in relation to your sports performance? I think not. Am I wrong? No, I’m not- because they’re indisputably great at what they did.

Now if you want to do a Lifetime channel special on their struggles with being in the closet and trying to become great- and I have a girlfriend (whom I love, because if I am not in love…) who makes me watch it with her, will I have a problem with that? Noooo. Not at all. For that purpose it’s relevant of course and they deserve the pat on the back for having had to deal with adversity in trying times. Same as Jackie Robinson did in his time with the race issue. Yes, I just said a gay person dealing with homophobia and possible discrimination is or was the same as a black baseball player dealing with bigotry in earlier American history.

But I don’t need to know about it in your sports performance, your job performance, your political representation, or anywhere otherwise. If you are my friend and you want to discuss your relationship- IT STILL DOESN’T HAVE TO COME INTO PLAY! We can discuss common themes about relationships, because they are all the same when it comes down to it, without you telling me he went down on you or bent you over. Thats sex, not the relationship. A gay friend can tell me “then we made love” or “then we fucked” and it’s enough and the same as het. If by some curiosity it matters for details- then you go there, but otherwise can someone tell me how it matters either way gay or straight?

It doesn’t. So why I ask, now and for eternity, or until the world grows the fuck up- why must I know about your private sexual preference when I do not care, and it is not relevant?

It’s because the media or because of situations like the one on the news just now, that I’m made to care… and it then becomes counter productive because I don’t want to know. So then, if you’re shoving down my throat, no pun intended, how am I going to appreciate that?

Recently George Clooney did the smart thing.

He refused to answer the question whether he was gay or straight based on the way it may derogatorily percieved that he distinguished himself one way or another, by the other group. You follow? If he says he’s straight, he didn’t want his gay friends being offended that he would define himself apart from them, and if he’s gay, he didn’t want the same offense to his straight friends.

This my readers, is intelligence. It’s a gentle “mind your own fucking business, it’s not relevant to this interview or my work that you know who I suck or fuck in my personal life” AND a lesson, to be learned by you right now and the media as a whole- take that question off the menu across the board. Respect privacy.

Supercalafragilistically, Exprialadociously, Appropriate.

What’s inappropriate is a society and governance that moves so slowly on issues for fear of offence, but does not motivate for fear of stangnace, and allows an issue like this and others to crawl at such a slow pace that groups and organizations have to sprout up to fight discrimination, who then begin to draw divides in society that unfortunately they themselves cannot see they actually should stand against. In other words, gay rights has forced distinguishing themselves as a group, when shouldn’t the fight have been for anonymity?

If your fight is for a thing not to matter… then how is it that your fight, actually fights to make it matter? This applies most fervently to those who would otherwise not care, and already be the enlightened, of which I consider myself to be one, where the danger is you alienate, and lose support you would otherwise have against discrimination.

Again, this is why this issue and this opinion are a tightrope walk. Because at this point, it seems I’m saying the rape victim was asking for it- but I’m not.

I’m saying, that if I’m not supposed to care that you’re gay… then why are you forcing me to care? And by forcing me, you’re forcing me to not like that you’re forcing me, therefore I’m not liking you for forcing me, and you happen to be gay.

See how that could backfire?

But I’m not-not liking you, because you’re gay. I’m not-not liking you because you’re forcing me to care that you’re gay, when just as naturally as you are gay, I could naturally care less otherwise.

And a parallel comes to light between the unspoken-of issue of reverse racism (racism by those who historically have fought racism), and homophobic discrimination. Where perceived prejudice becomes the manifestation of prejudice towards the group prejudice is expected from.

Another danger of over-distinguishing is what is it expected to evolve to? By shining a spotlight, you can’t un-see a thing you want not to matter. The only way is forward, so what then? Will there one day be a separate Olympics for gays? The Gay Olympics? That would be ironic wouldn’t it? The Greeks thought it up, and thought nothing of bisexuality if I know what I know, but however many years later, it matters if you’re gay?

An aside… Sochi is in Russia, and Russia is anti-gay… so why if you’re gay, are you not boycotting the games?

You have this issue and supposed responsibility of bringing awareness to anti-gay sentiment and you are opting to cash in on the glory rather than to sacrifice for the greater good, and taking every athlete with you in the way that they can never feel they really won those games if there was competition that did not participate- but you said the hell with that, I want my spotlight, I want my medal, and it’s OK you’re anti-gay, as long as I get mine.

OK.

So much for that then.

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WordPress, but not WordPress…

February 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Special thanks to the developers at Links Alpha for such a great plug in. Also at Dallas Pro Web Designers for their plug in/ widget. Both made it really easy to move this blog off the Wp servers and keep some of the functionality.

Told ya… I was gonna do it. And it’s done.

I have a couple other blogs to move under my main domain umbrella and I’m done, at least publicly, with WordPress. After initially looking at the glamorous and glitzy Tumblr sites, I was impressed, but I couldn’t find comparable themes and templates. Mind you, they have some nice ones, but the really nice ones are about 20-60% more costly than those you would pay for in Wp format, and even if I did swallow that small pill, I would be losing the familiarity with which I’ve grown into, aesthetically, on my blogs.

Initially I was dismayed at the thought of eating my words and coming back, tail between my legs and continuing my begrudging relationship with the ever-silent racist sympathizer WordPress has become in my eyes, but no. Despite my keep-sh*t-simple life-motto, I knew that I wanted out from under and this was it, this was the time.

I could part with a layout I thought, if the layout is pleasing to the eye, as I feel mine are now- and I loved the fact I could apply the actual domain name without the subdomain (.wordpress.com) suffix to my blogs (something WordPress would reach into your pocket for!) at Tumblr… Then there were some functionality issues… Wp format is just more control-freak friendly, which I am. I needed a bit more control than is offered over there at Tum-Tum, as I’ve come to know affectionately refer to it. So what did I do? I took myself out of my comfort zone and got into the code a bit, installed the WordPress Application into my GoDaddy hosting account, and moved everything over. Some re-formatting glitches after familiarizing myself with the new operating procedures and log-ins, and here we are.

There are some tweaks on each site (two so far) that I have to come back to- but for the most part- the work is done.

I figure once in a while, I may repost an entry in the old (.wordpress.com) blog to attract some hits from the internal mechanism they have, freshly pressed and whatnot- but for the most part- we are free (and you can be too).

And we are under our own flags as well.

When you type in www.theoccasionalopinion.com you are led to the main domain The Occasional Opinion, then redirected to the subdomain under Damian Dezign. Looks the same as this one, so will you know the difference? Sans the stink of a background support staff that says nothing to you when you complain of racial epithets espoused upon you by other users of the free service- nahhhh, no difference at all.

This will be the last post here for a while, so if you don’t hit the link, and rss link or feed or do whatever it is you do to keep up at the new site, you will not receive an update when I comment on the absurdities of our world.

I’ve got some pent up thoughts on Lindsey and Hale, racism, white male model on black baby crimes, as if we need more daddy issues in this country… and more, waiting to come out…

All of which will not be posted here.

See you on the other side folks!

bye bye you mother f%&*($#s =P

Changes after the Senator’s Shooting

January 25, 2011 Leave a comment

What Changes Will We Make After the Giffords Shooting?

By Alec Baldwin

My response;

The changes are obvious. There has to be a federal mandate to report unstable individuals, and it has to be required of each citizen, and all businesses. Basically, everyone.

If you have a crazy neighbor, you can call the police and tell them any number of things, but unless you allege they did something that broke the law, crazy behavior is not anything they can take action on. we’ve all seen the depictions on TV and in the movies. The citizen then says “so I have to wait till they try to kill me for you to do something?”

Well, it’s time for a change. What should happen, at least, is the person receives a visit from the police department, and a court appearance to address the complaint of disturbing behavior. Immediately, the person is put on a “no-buy” list. Flagged as a risk for the purchase of a gun.

Upon appearing in court, the judge will deem the restriction’s permanence in a number of ways. First, and required, is a psychological evaluation- something many people need anyway. On the doctor’s recommendation there will either be follow up visits, a probation of sorts, a dismissal of the case, or the individual can decline the sentence, at which point they are informed that they are prohibited from buying a fire arm indefinitely, and may have trouble boarding major airline flights, and heck, why not throw in getting or keeping a driver’s license too- why should drunk drivers have more rights?

The individual can return to court at any time to resubmit their application and immediately submit to the sentence passed on that day.

Will this keep them from killing anyone if they set their mind to it- no. But will they be able to buy a gun legally and kill more people with it- no. they may still get their hands on a gun, but at least society and the law made it difficult, and did what it responsibly could to try and get to this guy before he got the chance to hurt anyone.

With a law like this it would have been possible to get this guy treatment before he killed anyone. It would have been the responsibility and legal obligation of the school to report the behavior they have admitted to witnessing. The results of which are described in my proposal above- and would have put the odds in the favor of that little nine year old girl- living to see another day, and a Senator never getting shot in the face.

This country suffers from a general consensus of disassociation. The school, from what I know, is not legally liable- but they should be. Friends of the shooter- should be as well. And if you question as to why, just remember how little any of them are expressing remorse over not having done something to bring attention to this guy who was obviously unstable. In the absence of humanitarian responsibility or conscience- there must be law. Otherwise, you will never have civilized society.

Out.

 

 

What’s to write about

January 20, 2011 Leave a comment

So… China…

Met with Prez, accomplished; Zero.

Congresswoman Shot; Recovering exceptionally. Gun Control or Ammunition Control Legislation- nope. Wasted time and news grabbing media whoring- sure.

Health Care. Something other countries do better than we do here in America- still.

We’re still at war. J.H.C. I’m looking forward to a show on MTV I hear goes to the area in Afghanistan where the opium drug lords live, and I want to see how the war is affecting them. This should be interesting. Vice Guide to something or other. Strange that when I searched for it on my Tivo the time slot was listed as another show entirely?

Question; Why has the City of New York installed a middle man between the MTA and it’s employees when it comes to transferring funds from our income to the MTA’s coffers? This transaction, formerly known as Transitchek, took money from our payroll and from what we understood- gave it to the MTA. In return we got a small discount on our fares, very small, and a Metrocard that was good for an entire year. Now that money is being deposited into a WageWorks account apparently, and the employees of New York City have to use a pre-paid debit card to go to the vending machine or tellers and purchase our Metrocards ourselves. Something stinks here. Not only does it seem we no longer get our little itty bitty discount- but we also have to go out of our way to buy the damn cards every month. On top of the personal discomfort- it seems also someone is getting paid off for our trouble in the form of playing money-holder-middle-man between New York and the MTA. I won’t even get into how the transit system sucks in every way- timeliness, cleanliness, safety, etc. and is thus way overpriced- or how eminent domain should dictate New York take it over- especially after their general apathy during the recent blizzard crisis where they sat back and put the onus on the city to clear the way for them to come in and make money. I mean thing about it- without me getting too much into it… You and I the taxpayers, pay money to have our streets cleaned and paved and taken care of during inclement weather- right? And there is a company who charges you to then transport you on those same roads you paid to have cleared… Doesn’t that sound weird to you? It does to me. Why am I paying a fare for a service that when it rains or snows does nothing to clear it’s own money making pathways? Why do I pay a fare- when I pay state, federal income and sales taxes already? But I’m not getting into it. Point of this blurb is that now there’s a mysterious middle man put in place, and if I really cared, I’d do more than this, but I don’t, since I believe it’s all going down the drain anyway.

Out.

 

Get well soon Mr. Jobs.

January 18, 2011 Leave a comment

I think it’s one of the most disgraceful realities of American and world finance that the public trust is so fragile that even the hint of losing one man at the top threatens to injure the stability of an entire company’s stock.

I think Apple is a hell of a company. A shame it’s a company devoted to what seems to be entertainment value, would be my personal opinion, since it’s technological advancements border on the sci-fi futuristic, but none of it’s products seem to exist for any other reason that no make fluttery pawed kitty cats out of human beings – and of course to separate the fool from his money. That aside, a brilliant company that I’m sure other companies want to emulate. By no means is it a company that I would think is dependent on the presence of one man. And if it is, then frankly, it can’t do anything but improve after that one man is gone. (the iPad was stupid if you ask me)

That the public “demands” disclosure of the big boss at Apple’s private situation, and not because they care about the man’s health, to me seems so sad.

Sad, because I picture the general public, investors and the like, all amassed in a riotous crowd outside a building like, lets say, the Vatican? The White House? Apple Headquarters? shouting and wailing to know information about their leader so that they can feel secure about the coming day.

It’s ludicrous that people put the entire stability of a company, on the capability of one man to manage it. But this is what the general public do isn’t it? I mean, it’s crazy I think, that in this way, nothing has changed from the days of monarchy. People think the world will fall apart if the man at the top can’t continue to lead.

As if he were a man sitting at a desk pulling one million strings and controlling all aspects of a company, or a country, or in some cases- the world.

Whatever Mr. Jobs is going through I think he deserves his privacy and it should be respected by all. Even those who hold major shares in Apple, who if because of general stupidity lose money in his absence, should respect his privacy and not “demand” anything as I’ve seen it stated in the press.

It’s a shame. The economy relies on this unstable aspect of human intelligence or lack there-of.

And knowing this was a possibility it’s no more intelligent or responsible for those at Apple not to have a contingency plan better than to simply tell people that the support staff is capable.

A campaign of information should have been made available long ago regarding those who stand in succession as capable and maybe even better leaders than Jobs himself- if you care about ensuring stability in the stock price that is, against those who would rather see it falter.

But Jobs, the leader that if absent, overseas stock prices immediately drop 10%, wasn’t under the spotlight presenting new products with anyone else but number one- and that, as we can see now, is a huge business mistake.

Yet confidence in the company drops when a boss who makes such a vain mistake is suddenly gone? I really don’t see why it wouldn’t just stay even.

That the reaction would sway stock prices at all because Jobs is out sick, seems rather cultish in fact.

Anyway- these are just the thoughts I’ve been having on the subject. Ironic too, because I remember Apple having a motto once that begged it’s consumer market to do exactly the opposite of what it seems to be OK with now…

Internet Dating; A guide.

January 13, 2011 Leave a comment

I know- left field right? This is an old draft I never finished, and needing a break from what I was working on- but too neurotic to do nothing at all and end up feeling like a loser who wastes time- I take a working break from work and finish up an old blog entry. In any case- not dating so much any more, at least not traditionally- eesh, never traditionally anymore (and succeeding with women more than ever as a result)- I figure why not drop this gem on ya.  when I still subscribed to the social norms of dating though, Internet Dating came in so handy in filtering out the psychos that I shudder to think what my life would be like if I hadn’t made use of it as much as I did. In fact- the most unsuccessful relationships (disasters) I’ve had- were of the real-time kind. And the clean breaks, even friendships in closing, were all of online origins. Suffice to say I have more faith in using the internet to find someone of substance to create a relationship with than I do in real-time.

The reasons I have more faith in this format than real time is a subject there may be hints to in this post- but is better suited for a follow up- for now, enjoy whatcha got.

Online Dating; A Guide

1. Check Yourself.

What are you doing? Do you know what you’re doing? Are you just following your nose around or do you have a specific course of action you intend to follow? You would be surprised how many men and women still think the internet is some kind of quaint joke and treat it as such- not realizing that it’s a real life portal into their lives and its best you mind that portal before you end up like Alice in Wonderland- falling through the rabbit hole and no way to get home.

So make up your mind as to what it is you want from this thing, and you’ll soon find your next steps much more calculated, and the responses you get will make much more sense to you- meaning you will know who is who- and what to do about each one.

There is nothing better than representing your own voice of reason- and seeing how so much else makes sense because you know who you are first.

So… If you’re dating to get out of the house- say so. If you’re dating to get married- say so. If you’re figuring things out- say so. Don’t play games.

Do you know if you are playing games? Many people think they are being real when in reality- they are full of sh*t. Sometimes by no fault of your own you won’t know that you’re full of it until later on when you outgrow it- it happens to us all. But you can try and be honest with yourself so as to save yourself the time ad trouble that comes from attracting the people who you THOUGHT you would be into- and they- expecting a person who was supposed to be for them- where everyone ends up upset.

2. Pictures.

Never post none, or one. Minimum, if specific about each, you need Three. One, face, smiling, close but not too close, shoulders in the shot? Ok, acceptable. Two, Full head to toe shot, this can be in casual dress or to the 9’s, but has to alternate from the third. Which Third, is also head to toe, but in the opposite dress style of the second photo. So you have Three, a face/head/ shoulder shot, a head to toe casual and a head to toe dressy shot.

What not to post…

Always remember you are advertising yourself- so if you choose to post pictures of you leaning on a Ferrari and you’re not looking for a sugar daddy or a fellow millionaire, lets hope its from the car show and it’s clear thats where it was taken.

This is not an opportunity to see pretty pictures of yourself online. It’s about getting the results you want, and you have to advertise appropriately.

Your pictures represent your current or your intended class and income bracket. And if you think it doesn’t show, you’re wrong- it does. A socialite posts pictures taken of her at events, and a wanna-be socialite posts pictures of her wishing she was a socialite, and it shows. If you’re looking for a fellow socialite, please post away. If you’re looking for someone to get you in the door, again, go right ahead. But if you’re not- and you’re a down to earth guy or gal, spare yourself the results you’ll get from a misguided effort.

If you’re in a bar toasting drinks and laughing uncontrollably in all your photos- you can bet that looks good to an alcoholic frat boy or graduate who wants in on the fun. Can you say date rape me? if not- well your pictures sure did.

If all your photos are of you with friends at sporting events, it says that’s what you’re into- you will get men or women who think that they have found someone who they can go tailgating with and who will always have a game to go to- with or without you. Forget about anything but football at home on Sundays.

Same goes for bikinis/ bathing suits. Yes, it can be your head to toe casual shot, and in fact it’s recommended if you want to advertise that you are in bikini/bathing suit shape, but unless you want to be objectified, I suggest only posting one and specifying in your narrative that you require anyone interested be in similar shape. If you do not follow those guidelines and you post two or more scantily clad pictures, and you do not specify that it’s there because you want to show someone that they should be in similar shape and it’s important to you- then you WILL have perverts (more than usual) responding to the advertisement that you are looking for cheap sex.

Don’t shoot the messenger- I’m just giving it to you straight.

Scenery- why? Unless you really do mean the generic overused statement “I like/ love to travel” and even then- why? Unless you are in the shot under the guidelines stated- It communicates that you are stupid. You have no recognition of the forum’s purpose and you have no regard for wasting people’s time. If you are this way in real life- then yes, certainly post a picture of the Eifel Tower, the leaning tower of Pisa and the Grand Canyon, all without anyone in the picture. You will get someone who wants to hear about your trips, not someone who really cares who you are- again, unless you are your trips, and not a real person.

3. Do not pay for it.

It’s a scam. and the more successful the site says they are- they just mean how successful they are at hooking people into becoming serial daters. There are no good intentions in business, other than the intention to make money off of a customer- repeatedly if possible. You KNOW this, so why all of a sudden do you think that a website of all places, has come to the forefront in your search for adoration and love of the human kind? the website and it’s founders do not care about you or your happiness. They care about their happiness. They care about their own comfort- and how much of your money they can get to make that happen. The emlpoyees- they care about paying their bills. And if it means making you the crackhead of dating- then hey- smoke up baby! Don’t pay for it. make your name on the site, your e mail name or make a name up and then go get a free e mail account at an open ISP like Gmail or Yahoo and make it out to the same name. This way when you write your narrative, you can bury a hint in there like “Gee” if you wanted to get in touch with me it’s not that hard” or “It’s not that hard to get in touch with a Yahoo like me” – but likely you’ll have to be more clever than that and space the name up like “y ah oo” to get past the filters they have in place to reject your narrative and have you rewrite it.

Consider this as well;

If you are serious about finding a person for yourself this is very important for you to consider…

Let’s use one of the most popular websites for example- one that literally absorbed some of it’s competition to become the site it is today, I’m talking about Match.com, who absorbed Love@aol, AOL’s personal’s service and another I can’t remember, I think it may have been MSN’s equivalent.

If you join Match.com as a paying member, and you are serious about finding One person- then you are in the worst of situations. why? Because if you actually do find someone you are more than visually interested in, meaning you have some interests in common and you appreciate and understand their method of communication, then you might feel the inclination to break the ice- either by the (also free) option of Winking, or by (paying members only) sending an e mail.

In either case- once you crossed that boundary and are either waiting for a Wink back so you can feel your advance is welcome, or you’re waiting for an email reply- you are confronted with at least three other candidates that their system has deemed close enough to who you were interested in- as soon as you click Send.

of course you might think to yourself, Sure, I’ll just ignore them. And you might. The first time. If your interesting potential mate answers your wink or e mail and you go out and have a great time, soon after engaged and married- then never mind- you are the exception. But if your potential mate for whatever reason- does not respond, or rejects you- you can count on you not ignoring those three potential runners up the next time around- and why will you do this?

BECAUSE YOU ARE A PAYING MEMBER.

As a consumer- when is it you pay for something and don’t make it a point to get your money’s worth? Almost never. So, like I said- maybe, just maybe you can resist and focus on that one person’s response the first time- but not the second, or from that point on. Most people take what’s put in front of them. and when Match.com or any other site offers you three potential extra matches, and three more, and three more, and three more for as long as you reach out  to any single one- you will slowly fall into their trap of becoming a serial dater.

You will adapt to the mentality- rather unwittingly- that there is always something better around the corner. Always another option, or three, just a click away.

So you can even be on a date and as you are getting to know someone, and instead of listening open mindedly and acceptingly, imparting that kindness to another that you would like imparted to you for your flaws and humble indiscretions- you are listening only for the items that will exclude this person from the perfect image you have in your mind of the person you think would deserve your full affection. You’re going off a checklist in your mind cutting this person down at the first thing they reveal that even comes close to resembling something potentially wrong. Why? Because you’ve been clicking on the next three options way too long. You’re brainwashed into thinking that if a person has one flaw- there is no reason to extend them just a little understanding (what a relationship might be about), because there are plenty other fish in the sea.

When in reality- there aren’t.

The older you get- the more people pair up, have children, either stay together or divorce, but all-in-all, have lives they aren’t that ready to repeat with those who dished out the neverending line of rejection.

The people who have relationships are those who extend each other understanding, make exceptions, teach and learn- ultimately growing together. When those tenets are broken, so are the relationships.

Examine any relationship you like- you will find that last statement to be true.

Now, who have you become, if you won’t even get out of the starting gate because a website has taught you to nix a person you found attractive at the first sign of trouble?

Alone.

If you are a non-paying member, and cleverly hide a hint to how one can get in touch with you outside their system, then you are guaranteed two things that no price of membership can guarantee you…

1. The person making contact with you ACTUALLY READ what you had to say. How else did they get to the point where you dropped your hint unless they took the time to read?

2. They are willing to do more to earn your attention than the minimum or to merely PAY for it via a cheap membership to a website.

If you think you have some sort of security in your search results because those reaching you have paid for a membership- think again. If you’re a paying member or ever have been, then you know from experience- there was no mental evaluation or security screening when you joined was there? As long as you have internet access (an internet cafe in Kenya will do) and an e mail address (plenty of free email accounts are available out there), then you can become a paying member of a website as long as you have a bank account or a credit card. Last I heard, child molesters and ex cons can have both, and if they have bad credit a pre-paid credit card is easy enough to get too.

You actually are more secure waiting for the responses from those who took the time to read through your ad- something that a spammer or scammer will never bother to do.

I’ll tell you this- in the time I had my ad up, I never got spam because of it. Spammers, Search engines and Worms that travel through the internet seek out obvious indicators to e mail addresses. This is why if you sell your couch on craigslist and bypass their anonymous e mail by putting your own out there- you get a ton of spam. The @ symbol alone triggers them. Since what you have is a hint buried in text- they don’t look for you or can find you.

The only people reaching you will be those people genuinely interested in you.

Other benefits to this method include not having t0o wade through a ton of emails from people who are just fishing for attention. For “nice” guys it may be women who want to use you for a night out on your dime. For serious minded women, it will be a ton of losers who just want to get laid.

You can put your ad up- and go about your life. The way it should be. if you’re putting so much emphasis on finding a significant other- it’s likely that you aren’t very significant to yourself first. You know what they say- Love shows up when you least expect it- and if you look for it, you’ll never find it. So post your ad- like a flag on a hill, and work on your career, your body, your friendships, your life. Every once in a while you’ll get an e mail from some one who by getting in touch with you has already shown that at least they stand out from the crowd enough to go the extra mile. And that’s something you don’t get from sitting at a bar either waiting for a guy to buy you a drink, or waiting for a girl to say sure- I’ll have a…

Again, if you’re looking to use the internet as an extension of the singles bar- go ahead. There are plenty half wits out there doing the same and its just as easy to fail on the internet- and complain about it not doing the work for you of course- for you to find plenty of dates and the occasional rape. But if you recognize the fact that the internet is an amazing screening tool you can use to cut down on the amount of wasted time, effort and money wasted in the pursuit of love with the wrong people- and you use it as such- uncompromisingly- then you will see that when you do meet someone that passes your individualized set of filters, that the experience you have is much better than the thoughtless one you were putting yourself through before, whether it results in a friendship or love.

Over and Out.

It snowed in New York?

December 29, 2010 Leave a comment

The city dropped the ball- people in Brooklyn in particular and Staten Island (Staten Island shouldn’t complain- after Jersey Shore they should be glad we didn’t use the island as a snow dump) are in distress.

As you may or may not know I have access to some information about the city’s mood because of my job, and well, those boroughs are well, not happy. Can’t blame them, for whatever reason the response was much less effective than previous times. Of course I suck because I always evaluate all angles, I don’t go across the board and say one thing is right or wrong- and so being big on personal responsibility I do consider the fact that it’s just freaking snow, it can be shoveled, and it does melt- but then you have to be sympathetic to the elderly who depend not only on city services to control the effects of inclement weather- but also the highly ineffective and opportunistic MTA who makes money off of New Yorkers providing transportation as a private company, but seemingly invests absolutely no money of their ever inadequate budget on actual contingency- like having a snow plow or even a budget to hire private contractors if needed- to clear their own routes- god forbid. No, they put the onus on the city, along with charging city employees nearly the entire amount of their fare fees (millions of dollars in revenue). but before I go off on a rant- you have to be sympathetic to the elderly and the infirmed. Their main concern is getting to their health care appointments that sometimes are life dependent, and of course- emergency services being able to reach them. They are in effect, trapped in their homes. In a catastrophe, these are members of the population that are inevitable losses. People who get left behind. They cannot travel, much less, can they run for their lives. Now, this shouldn’t have been a catastrophic event, and this is everyone’s point, because for many people, the conditions were nearly as such.

The Mayor has owned up to the fact that the response was less than effective, and here is where the Mayor, which I support, personally lacks a bit of what New York needs right now.

People want blood. He speaks about accountability, and his business sense though admirable and fiscally effective- is not the Human Resources Politically Correct kind of language people want and need to hear right now. They need to hear “Heads are going to roll”. They need, and want to hear, that the man in charge shares their outrage and that the suffering of the people, is as the suffering of his own children, and that people who are in charge of certain things, will soon feel his wrath on the people’s behalf.

I know, it sounds arcane, but what can I tell you, its the pulse of the people, and although the minority of new Yorkers make the majority of the money and buy the New York Times, most people read the Post and the Daily News, which is dumbed down to a 3rd grade reading level. Needless to say most of them, won’t be reading this blog.

You cannot be a leader of the people, and expect the people to behave as you expect them or want them to- and if you ignore how they behave and pretend it does not exist- you lose public confidence (the equivalent of being overthrown in ancient times). As a leader of the people you have to do what you think is best, but you must speak the language of the people. I’m not running for Prime Minister in Japan without gettin’ my karaoke on.

Anyway…

It’s gray slush time here in New York.

Predictions;

If the weather improves, the snow will melt, if it melts too fast, though no one is saying anything right now, the sewers will overflow- the infrastructure, as the operation structure obviously, is lacking. There will be flooding. Transit will be delayed and cancelled. Elderly and infirmed will be stuck again. The media will swarm, as usual, helping nothing, and creating a public uproar that does no more than waste effort and time.

I… will say, I told you so.

Happy New Year everyone.

~ on a side note, expectations are being surpassed on Graffitti Park’s Facebook Page. Visit and add your support. It’s an idea that would benefit urban youth, the world of Art, urban communities and commerce.

http://www.graffittipark.wordpress.com or the link to the Facebook Page provided.

Thank You!