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Thoughts this week…

January 26, 2014 Leave a comment

Sochi Olympics;

Between personal morality and glory, gays, why aren’t you boycotting the Olympics in Russia outright? No pun intended.

You know what? Let’s stay on this issue…

I just saw the tennis legend Billy Jean King get complimented on a popular Sunday morning politico-news show, “you’re a great example to your sport”…

And it strikes me, how as a sports icon do you not engage that backhanded compliment for what it is? Or is the need of attention so desperate by the gay community that you will openly accept compliments to your excellence in whatever field you’re in, just that much more because you’re gay. As if, being gay was a credit to your excellence?

Now, I’m embarking on expressing a tight wire of an opinion here I know. I KNOW there are plenty of people out there who feel as I do, which is that they have no problem with people of any sexuality… but they will not voice this opinion because it comes with the hair trigger auto-response by any gay rights advocate or otherwise- that you’re a homophobe.

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth, at least for myself. I’m just a guy who wishes he didn’t have to have what someone else does in the privacy of their own bedroom, and life, pushed in my face in conjunction with other issues that in no way or means coincides with their sexuality.

Same as when I’m just trying to get through my work day, and you just won’t shut the fuck up with your random issues. Nothing against you personally, but I just don’t need the noise.

I’ve made the argument in the past by posing the question- How would it be accepted by friends, family, the general public, if I wore a T-shirt that announced to the world, that I like a certain type of sex, or sexual position? Keeping it hetero of course, in order to make my point. More so and in accordance with the theme of this post, what if when I accepted accolades for what I do, I also accepted those accolades on behalf of those who like… let’s say… fans of the 69?

Ludicrous isn’t it?

But think about it… Not every woman is a fan f the good old 69. Lets be real, there are some men who live blowjobless lives too. What about them? I feel for these guys. No matter the reasons. I’ve spoken to these women who withhold one of the most beautiful sensations in sexual relations- they are either unwilling to please their mates, just takers by nature, or they are unwilling to give for not recieving, or they don’t know, or are even put off by maybe a hazard of the job (no pun intended), like choking, gagging or elsewise we’ll not get into. In any case, the men who live with or in spite of these women live lives of shame and secrecy. Shame in that they will never willingly let their friends know that they will not be appreciated by their women, or are unable to inspire their women to appreciate them in this way. Secrecy in that in some cases, this deficiency in their relationships leads them to act out, and in acting out, sometimes it leads to infidelity.

So with that little bit being said, I think we can justifiably classify this one facet of hetero men, as in the closet, can we not? Can we not as well agree that they may be discriminated against because of this unfortunate deficiency of circumstances both socially as well as publicly? Think not? I’m pretty sure you can imagine a scenario where a man is passed over for a job for being percieved as weak, or incapable of being as much a man as another might be. This is the stigma attached to not being able to get a blowjob in some cases. Men know what I’m talking about. Men who don’t or can’t get a BJ will be thought of as men who maybe have something wrong with them.

If these parallels to homophobia are established then, and I’m saving time by not writing a fucking thesis here so just try and keep up- then can we also imagine activism on behalf of fighting back that discrimination against those men who either cannot get a blowjob or 69, or have just not been fortunate enough to get them. Its by no choice of their own, right? Like being born gay.

If you can imagine the activism, you can imagine some men wearing the pro-69 button or pin on their lapel. You can imagine the BJ & 69 parades. You can imagine the BJ & 69 flag. I can’t but you can, lol.

Don’t discriminate, just fellate.

For just 69 cents a day, you can help rid the world of un-BJ stigma.

You get my point though. So when that athlete you might admire is on TV representing the Olympics, would you appreciate that they are doing it as an ambassador to the Blow Job and the 69 as well?

Well, shyit… If I couldn’t get one I might too. Maybe I’ve countered my own argument?! No.

I wouldn’t want to know what they are getting, or not getting in their bedroom or in their personal lives. Sorry. Don’t care.

Now, is it wrong of me to think that a hetero ball player (whatever kind of ball other than their own) would be a better ball player if he got a regular serving of 69’s and BJ’s? Maybe. But still… do I need to know about it? No. I don’t.

So why do I need to know if you’re gay? I mean, c’mon, Brian Boytano… Billy Jean King… in some cases you’re going to “know” anyway, but do I need it to be an issue in relation to your sports performance? I think not. Am I wrong? No, I’m not- because they’re indisputably great at what they did.

Now if you want to do a Lifetime channel special on their struggles with being in the closet and trying to become great- and I have a girlfriend (whom I love, because if I am not in love…) who makes me watch it with her, will I have a problem with that? Noooo. Not at all. For that purpose it’s relevant of course and they deserve the pat on the back for having had to deal with adversity in trying times. Same as Jackie Robinson did in his time with the race issue. Yes, I just said a gay person dealing with homophobia and possible discrimination is or was the same as a black baseball player dealing with bigotry in earlier American history.

But I don’t need to know about it in your sports performance, your job performance, your political representation, or anywhere otherwise. If you are my friend and you want to discuss your relationship- IT STILL DOESN’T HAVE TO COME INTO PLAY! We can discuss common themes about relationships, because they are all the same when it comes down to it, without you telling me he went down on you or bent you over. Thats sex, not the relationship. A gay friend can tell me “then we made love” or “then we fucked” and it’s enough and the same as het. If by some curiosity it matters for details- then you go there, but otherwise can someone tell me how it matters either way gay or straight?

It doesn’t. So why I ask, now and for eternity, or until the world grows the fuck up- why must I know about your private sexual preference when I do not care, and it is not relevant?

It’s because the media or because of situations like the one on the news just now, that I’m made to care… and it then becomes counter productive because I don’t want to know. So then, if you’re shoving down my throat, no pun intended, how am I going to appreciate that?

Recently George Clooney did the smart thing.

He refused to answer the question whether he was gay or straight based on the way it may derogatorily percieved that he distinguished himself one way or another, by the other group. You follow? If he says he’s straight, he didn’t want his gay friends being offended that he would define himself apart from them, and if he’s gay, he didn’t want the same offense to his straight friends.

This my readers, is intelligence. It’s a gentle “mind your own fucking business, it’s not relevant to this interview or my work that you know who I suck or fuck in my personal life” AND a lesson, to be learned by you right now and the media as a whole- take that question off the menu across the board. Respect privacy.

Supercalafragilistically, Exprialadociously, Appropriate.

What’s inappropriate is a society and governance that moves so slowly on issues for fear of offence, but does not motivate for fear of stangnace, and allows an issue like this and others to crawl at such a slow pace that groups and organizations have to sprout up to fight discrimination, who then begin to draw divides in society that unfortunately they themselves cannot see they actually should stand against. In other words, gay rights has forced distinguishing themselves as a group, when shouldn’t the fight have been for anonymity?

If your fight is for a thing not to matter… then how is it that your fight, actually fights to make it matter? This applies most fervently to those who would otherwise not care, and already be the enlightened, of which I consider myself to be one, where the danger is you alienate, and lose support you would otherwise have against discrimination.

Again, this is why this issue and this opinion are a tightrope walk. Because at this point, it seems I’m saying the rape victim was asking for it- but I’m not.

I’m saying, that if I’m not supposed to care that you’re gay… then why are you forcing me to care? And by forcing me, you’re forcing me to not like that you’re forcing me, therefore I’m not liking you for forcing me, and you happen to be gay.

See how that could backfire?

But I’m not-not liking you, because you’re gay. I’m not-not liking you because you’re forcing me to care that you’re gay, when just as naturally as you are gay, I could naturally care less otherwise.

And a parallel comes to light between the unspoken-of issue of reverse racism (racism by those who historically have fought racism), and homophobic discrimination. Where perceived prejudice becomes the manifestation of prejudice towards the group prejudice is expected from.

Another danger of over-distinguishing is what is it expected to evolve to? By shining a spotlight, you can’t un-see a thing you want not to matter. The only way is forward, so what then? Will there one day be a separate Olympics for gays? The Gay Olympics? That would be ironic wouldn’t it? The Greeks thought it up, and thought nothing of bisexuality if I know what I know, but however many years later, it matters if you’re gay?

An aside… Sochi is in Russia, and Russia is anti-gay… so why if you’re gay, are you not boycotting the games?

You have this issue and supposed responsibility of bringing awareness to anti-gay sentiment and you are opting to cash in on the glory rather than to sacrifice for the greater good, and taking every athlete with you in the way that they can never feel they really won those games if there was competition that did not participate- but you said the hell with that, I want my spotlight, I want my medal, and it’s OK you’re anti-gay, as long as I get mine.

OK.

So much for that then.

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WordPress, but not WordPress…

February 8, 2011 Leave a comment

Special thanks to the developers at Links Alpha for such a great plug in. Also at Dallas Pro Web Designers for their plug in/ widget. Both made it really easy to move this blog off the Wp servers and keep some of the functionality.

Told ya… I was gonna do it. And it’s done.

I have a couple other blogs to move under my main domain umbrella and I’m done, at least publicly, with WordPress. After initially looking at the glamorous and glitzy Tumblr sites, I was impressed, but I couldn’t find comparable themes and templates. Mind you, they have some nice ones, but the really nice ones are about 20-60% more costly than those you would pay for in Wp format, and even if I did swallow that small pill, I would be losing the familiarity with which I’ve grown into, aesthetically, on my blogs.

Initially I was dismayed at the thought of eating my words and coming back, tail between my legs and continuing my begrudging relationship with the ever-silent racist sympathizer WordPress has become in my eyes, but no. Despite my keep-sh*t-simple life-motto, I knew that I wanted out from under and this was it, this was the time.

I could part with a layout I thought, if the layout is pleasing to the eye, as I feel mine are now- and I loved the fact I could apply the actual domain name without the subdomain (.wordpress.com) suffix to my blogs (something WordPress would reach into your pocket for!) at Tumblr… Then there were some functionality issues… Wp format is just more control-freak friendly, which I am. I needed a bit more control than is offered over there at Tum-Tum, as I’ve come to know affectionately refer to it. So what did I do? I took myself out of my comfort zone and got into the code a bit, installed the WordPress Application into my GoDaddy hosting account, and moved everything over. Some re-formatting glitches after familiarizing myself with the new operating procedures and log-ins, and here we are.

There are some tweaks on each site (two so far) that I have to come back to- but for the most part- the work is done.

I figure once in a while, I may repost an entry in the old (.wordpress.com) blog to attract some hits from the internal mechanism they have, freshly pressed and whatnot- but for the most part- we are free (and you can be too).

And we are under our own flags as well.

When you type in www.theoccasionalopinion.com you are led to the main domain The Occasional Opinion, then redirected to the subdomain under Damian Dezign. Looks the same as this one, so will you know the difference? Sans the stink of a background support staff that says nothing to you when you complain of racial epithets espoused upon you by other users of the free service- nahhhh, no difference at all.

This will be the last post here for a while, so if you don’t hit the link, and rss link or feed or do whatever it is you do to keep up at the new site, you will not receive an update when I comment on the absurdities of our world.

I’ve got some pent up thoughts on Lindsey and Hale, racism, white male model on black baby crimes, as if we need more daddy issues in this country… and more, waiting to come out…

All of which will not be posted here.

See you on the other side folks!

bye bye you mother f%&*($#s =P

To give thanks…

November 24, 2010 Leave a comment

Let’s see, what can I give thanks for?

Of course, the short list of obvious stuff, thanks for the health of family and friends. I mean, who wants that kind of pain- right? (note the selfishness in that sentiment)

Thanks for the luck I’m riding of late. I recognize, sure.

What else- sure, my own health so far. It could be worse.

Now the real good stuff…

Thanks to this filthy city for creating a disgusting atmosphere from which to manifest the point of view that if it’s all on it’s way out, then can it please just hurry up and go under so the playing field can be leveled out and survival can take on it’s true meaning, not the class warfare soft touch hypocrisy it is now. Thanks to New York, for making me long for the day I can leave New York.

Thanks to the animals on the 4,5 and 6 train, both rich and poor who add to that opinion above with their vegetarian zombie like stares into the nothingness as they cram into those modern day cattle cars. You make me wonder, daily, how you would come to life in a moment of crisis, and how unprepared you probably are to do what has to be done to stay alive.

Thanks to the “free” publications… You obstruct my path with your buckets of newspapers and your minimum wage welfare working or handicap personnel, disturb my mornings by instructing them to yell as loud as they can and create a trip hazard at the top of the stairway entrances to the subway- thank you. You make me wish iPads, those bourgeois overpriced toys, were cheaper so that all print media would hurry up and die too. And as much as I wouldn’t want there to be more unemployed in the world, these people you use, could just go away so I can have back my morning, without the interruption.

Thanks to the lottery for teaching me with every dollar that my path is not his or hers, I’m only marginally lucky (thanked for that above), but not THAT lucky, and I’ll have to keep scraping by to get to where I want to be in life, much less have the influx of income to take on the position necessary to exact chaotic anarchy upon this broken excuse for society. You all should give thanks for that one.

Tanks to the MTA for being just another corporation sucking the blood of it’s cornered market and providing the shoddiest service possible in order to keep raping the people of New York of their hard earned money, and funneling it up and out into the bank accounts of the overpaid millionaire’s who do nothing on the board of directors.

Can’t thank the MTA without thanking the United States Government for the same kind of exemplary behavior, every single politician playing stupid AS-IF the system will ever work, broken and corrupt as it is, you have to thank them, and humanity for it’s blatant hypocritical self destructive greed that makes you wonder- do people think that if they accumulate enough wealth, that they will somehow save themselves when the majority of people, the poor, that they helped make that way- get fed up and want for blood?

Thanks to capitalism, for perverting science, and holding back the human race, among other crimes against humanity.

Thanks religion, for the exact same things.

Thanks for the pimple on my nose! At my age- a pimple?!?! On the tip of my nose?!?!

And aside from the bitter angst-

I do give thanks for art, urban art, and though I reject vandalism, I respect social protest and a well thought out work of graffiti that when observed, really doesn’t hurt anyone.

I thank that last segment on the News with Katie Couric, 9 out of 10 times it really is touching and gives you a glimpse of what the world would be like if most people weren’t so F’d up.

I could go on, but then what would I have to write about the rest of the year?

Happy Thanksgiving all, may you successfully block out the world and pretend it’s all going to be alright long enough to enjoy dinner together.

Oh, Thanks for my being single, and that I do not have kids. I mean it. Thanks!

P.S. If you google “funny turkey” you get some interesting image hits…

New Planet? Not excited.

November 19, 2010 Leave a comment

Last on that list from last week was something to the effect of “Family and the Holidays”??

Well, long story-short, I was going to boycott Thanksgiving since my family didn’t find the time to drop by (not to my man-cave, to my neighborhood like actual social beings) for even one cup of coffee since I let go my car and with it, the ease and opulence of driving to their house and sayin’ hey. But last week out of no where my mom calls and says they’re coming to my area to have breakfast, shall I join? Yeah, I joined. Even though as usual my presence was just a side dish, the idea originated otherwise, likely my little brother somehow, but whatever, that situation isn’t going to change. I’m sure they won’t attend my funeral either if I don’t send a car.

More importantly, now I can’t really boycott Thanksgiving with just cause. Grr.

I hear they found a new planet out there!

So what?

Last I checked we live ina capitalist society. Which means, most of our energy as a race, a Human race, is focused on how to fuck each other over and take each other’s money- right? Not space exploration, the advancement of this supposedly “human” race or the search for life other than our own narcissistic kind.

So you found a new planet. So what? I say again. Had we, as a unified group of individuals, allocated the appropriate amount of effort and resources to the search for habitable planets outside our solar system, or the search for extra terrestrial life, we would have found this planet long ago, and we’d be much closer to actually going to another planet by now!

So you found a planet. it’s about as significant to this generation as the booger I found up my nose last night.

Flick, and done.

Oh, and by the way, WordPress didn’t give a shit about a blogger using racist epithets. Not even a response.

So, Latinos, now you know that WordPress does not consider you a worth while people. Self professed drunken women from Washington D.C. apparently, can use racist epithets at you, disclose personal information about you on their blog, insult you otherwise, and WordPress will not respond to your needs for attention to the matter.

Admirable.

But like I said in my blog, if the people don’t speak up, then racism apparently can run rampant. Authoritative sources such as WordPress management, will not step up to set anything straight for just one voice.

Cafe Press at least responded and said they would address the situation, but a week later, the link to the “beaner” cafe press store is still active. Yes, I e mailed them on it.

Hey maybe on my way home tonight I can be a victim of a race killing and my body can be thrown in the train tracks, as long as no one speaks up about it, it can be overlooked like any other anti-Hispanic, anti-Latino sentiment.

I just like polar bears.

Following up…

November 15, 2010 Leave a comment

The list is as follows…

~ Racism, yes, still. Entitlement, and the phenomenon of disassociation.

~ Blogging, on my production sheet?

~ Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of.

~ And relatives, the holidays, and the stress that comes with. Believe me, as with most things “me”, you haven’t heard this take on the subject yet.

Last entry, the first issue wore me out. I’ll try and keep the update brief. 

So I am still waiting to hear back from Facebook and Word Press on their reaction/ response to the open use of hate speech (what I’ve come to term it) on their sites. In research for some images to put up with this entry I found it interesting that there was a Cafe Press shop dedicated to the very word in question! Openly offering bumper stickers and other items not only with the word “beaner”, but mocking the ethnicities associated to that word with “I love…” and other phrases including a reference to the I.N.S.

Now, it occurs to me, as it obviously would by the lack of response and commentary to this matter from both the organizations in question and the public (a total of one person weighed in seriously), that the value of a racial epithet, or rather the value of it’s offensiveness is dependant only on the ethnicity’s willingness to stand up against it.

I made the point in my e mail to Cafe Press, that if I were to go open a shop with them emblazoning the N word, swastikas, and antisemitic rhetoric, ethnic mocking and other “more popularly accepted” forms of hate speech, I would hope they notice and stop me.

For this word though, it seems no one cares? Not the people at WordPress, not Facebook, and I have to be fair and give Cafe Press the chance to weigh in, but it may be they don’t care either.

It seems too many people consider this a point of humor to even realize it’s racist. Part of the reason I despise the comedian Carlos Mencia, a non-Mexican by the way, for playing a large part in popularizing the term and blatantly focusing it against fellow Hispanics of another nationality than his own. But if Mexican-Americans don’t stand up against it- I suppose I can likely accomplish only so much.

My observation is derived of course from seeing how the N word has been handled by the African American community. They took a stand and made the world recognize that it’s wrong. In my last entry I wrote a bit about Disassociation, and that word, that condition, is what the AA community relieved the general public of for the most part, by bringing attention to it in the way they did. Personally, I believe there is the correct use of all language, and however offensive, certain words unfortunately have their place and time. But I did learn that language is always like a gun in this respect. You can have one in the house and sure, keep it loaded if you wish, but be sure that when you take it out, think twice before you use it, because not only will you be hurting someone else, but you may very well hurt yourself in the process as well.

I mean, whats it going to take? A hate crime? Do some ignorant people somewhere need to hurt someone or god forbid kill them while using that anti-Mexian, anti-Hispanic term? Wouldn’t it be typical of American society that it needs the media to get involved before it really shows it can care about a cause?

It’s disgusting how ignorance in America targets Muslims now because of the actions of some fanatics nearly 11 years ago. You have some fanaticism in respect to southern border patrol issues and immigration, you have a quiet hypocrisy about how the northern border is handled (the joke is on the hypocrites though because enough Hispanics use that to their advantage and immigrate as they please through the northern border), but you don’t see these things associated to each other when it comes to issues of race. A teacher reads Shakespearean literature and is ostracized immediately for the lack of understanding to context, but people run around using a word that to me is as racist as the word “Spick”, and no one says anything about it. A Village Voice column humorously named “Ask a Mexican” where I’ve seen the word used comes to mind. Although I can’t say that other than it being a funny and informative column, that they used it in a racist manner- just that I do remember it in there, to be fair. But it all comes down to people standing up and saying something… which they’re not.

So these self admitted “drunk bitches” (thats right they call themselves that), who randomly picked a blog fight with me over a one line response to one of their entries (all documented well enough on their site- which by the way, hilariously makes them seem like lunatics, but they don’t see it) can go around calling Spanish people “beaners” and no one, not the website they have their blog on, or their misguided short list of fans… or anyone who reads (save one person) my words, bother to say one word in criticism of that inappropriate behavior. It’s unbelievable.

Alright- said I’d keep it brief, so thats it for that update… more to come. I plan on writing The Voice and The New York Times as well. The L. A. Times might be interested.

Next on that list is Blogging… on my Production Sheet?

I keep a production sheet of all the up in the air projects I have going on. I have an idea that becomes more than just that before it vaporizes into the id, I create a row and track progress. If I don’t, nothing will ever get done and I’ll remember about a great undeveloped idea a year later when I’m copying over a hard drive and I find the folder under an inch of digital dust.

Putting blogging on the production sheet will legitimize it… so should I? If I do, it means I take this shit seriously, and really, a lot of time I don’t. But I do spend time on writing, and it is constructive, developmental and fulfilling…

Also, if I add that line, it’s another line of empty cells I haven’t worked on in however long since I last did…

I’m pretty good at coming back to it though, even on weekends, so I guess it can’t hurt.

Done.

Thanks for listening.

Next…

Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of…

It occurs to me this isn’t my personal blog, it’s the O.O., so I have to write this with a particular and distinct literary skew meant for public consumption and not the t’hell with it voice I use on for personal stuff ova’tharr. But if you need reference to comments and you can’t find my blog, which is good, you can refer to The New Good instead.

Recently I heard the word “relationship” and felt such an unfamiliarity with the concept it made me realize how far I’d come in the last year (ref. to personal blog you can’t find). It caused me to examine (of course) the whole concept of relationships from a new perspective. The usual perspective, one where I actually cared for them to work, I am now thankfully relieved of.

Now, I’m sure that somewhere out there, there are the relationships that work. Excluding those using crutches like religion or otherwise cult-like behavior that makes drinking the kool-aid seem like sexy and romantic together stuff. I’m not saying it’s impossible otherwise, but as far as I see it now, after half a life of experience and half of that if not more, searching for love enough to see a pattern in the type of women I personally attract- I am saying that for the majority of people a great relationship is as rare as that jackpot lottery win- maybe even more rare.

There are mechanisms in people that in most, are broken. There is a trait, I do not know what to call it, one of calm and patience, that lends itself to the success of a relationship. In fact, it lends itself to being able to get along with people in general. But even this, in my observance can be defective in some, because it can also lapse into passivity and over compliance. Save this well balanced trait having wise person finding someone equally wise and patient, the best the rest of us can hope to do in my opinion, is master, and become accepting of, our own personal situations.

Not everyone will find or accomplish what they want in life.

Some people will die alone.

That’s just the way it is, and it’s real, and it’s true. And it may be you.

Me? I’m OK. Finally. The strange thing is, that it’s on the complete other side of the spectrum than I thought it would be. I may die alone, and that’s OK. I’ve accepted that considering the kind of women that come my way, I’d rather.

I’m not trying to be funny, though it may make you laugh. It does me. But I’m serious. I’m not enamored with the thought of lovey dovey cuddling anymore, I’m not thinking about “what if I don’t have kids”. I’m happy, focusing my efforts toward accomplishing personal goals. In fact, I have taken such a step back that I can see the issues people (and by “people” I mean women, since I don’t really care about men as any kind of romantic interest, former or otherwise) have, clearer than ever. I no longer tell myself “nah, that can’t be right” and make the ridiculously repetitive error of allowing yet another one in to disappoint me, I simply see it for what it is, and I set the boundary.

Is it bitterness? A self check one does when an evaluation falls a bit on the negative side- results come up clean.

Any bitterness I feel is concentrated most on the individual, then diluted on the culture, but when it comes to the gender, my observations are for all across the board, and that focused bitterness for the specific person falls wayside as irrelevant.

I don’t see the necessity of romantic relationships anymore.

We all know (or should know) the science of it. Love is a biochemical delusion. Yes there are instinctual drives at play, to procreate, to mate etc. But practically the word “relationship” doesn’t apply to those animal drives. “Relationship”, to “get along” with your significant other… to build a life together… only the truly fortunate find significant others with the ability to do what needs to be done in order to be “a couple”, a “team” or partners or parents successfully. And even those “successful” relationships sometimes seem to have a temporary expiration date- which with my new eyes so to speak, I really do understand. It makes so much more sense than the concept of “forever” most women want you to sign on for.

I mean think about it- “FOREVER”… resisting the urge to use echo and reverb and run on the R sound…

Forever, as a concept for a temporary life. That’s kind of stupid actually. Even IF, in a world of a million-million different options, you found “the one”… Which if you are truly aware of your flaws and accept the limitations within yourself necessary to claim knowledge that this person you found IS truly the bes tthat you can do… I can understand- but under those circumstances, we all know how unlikelythat is don’t we?

If a person does, as they do at the alter all the time, soon after they end up thinking of course, that they can do better. Why? Well simply because to admit you can’t do any better is to put yourself down. And you may be struck, and taken by the loveliness of this person you found and languishing in the glow of seemingly having conquered that ass, basking in your champion glory… but it won’t last. It fades. You’re human and soon enough you’ll see another challenge you need to conquer and that’s when the trouble (only trouble because you bought into the system and its rules) begins.

Can you meet someone who will make you say you don’t want anyone else? Sure, I’ll say it’s very possible. But you better hope they feel the same way or everything I just said in reference to you- I mean for them.

Do we “need” a relationship? To live? To survive? No. You can get along just fine without a long term relationship. Would it be nice to have a partner, someone whose got your back to use street terms? Sure, of course. But do you need that? No. What you get from a significant other you can get anywhere else. Friendships, sex, partnership, loyalty, children- all attainable, and fullfillingly, from other sources than a “relationship”.

So on a personal level, I don’t have to deal with women’s bullshit. And this is what lately makes me the happiest. I used to go back on my own words and intentions, and allow myself to get dragged back in to the bullshit. In the name of open mindedness of course. Does this mean I’m closed minded now? Maybe a little more closed minded, but what I definitely can say I know is, is that I don’t have to put the shit to my nose to know it stinks so to speak. I don’t have to allow people to screw me up to know that’s not the way to go. Since I stopped, and simply said “no more”… I’ve been the happiest I can be and more so, as I said earlier, I’ve been able to distinguish B.S. from reality better than ever.

I’ve met women, and as predictable as sunrise, the hooks come out. They begin to try and suck you in with nonsense to be able to feed their own need of validation. I see this now and understand the saying “she’s a man eater”. Because when you can see things from this vantage point, you can see how women do what they do so that they can purely consume a subject and attain for themselves what they need- and show no regard or remorse for the consequences to the person they are effecting with their actions.

One woman I was seeing up to a month ago couldn’t go on a date without suggesting I move out to her side of town.

What IS that?

Can’t just have a good time?

But this is a micro-example. I get more out of hearing my peers stories, and observing those who don’t like to share, than I do from my own cautious experience. Both are invaluable of course, but the majority of observation comes from outside, not in.

I meet women now, and drive the problematic ones away with frustration. frustration because they can’t get me to play their game. They retreat, realizing they are up against someone who is going to get from them what he wants, with no promise of recompense, same as they would do to me if I let them.

And that, is only when I feel like even bothering.

I never understood men who paid for sex. But now… I see the wisdom. It’s just so much less complicated and liberating. And though I have yet to do so myself, I can see myself buying myself the best in those terms when I’ve accomplished what I need to for myself in life.

Or, who knows, I might win the lottery?

Naaaaaaaaaaah.

Relatives and Holidays tomorrow, I’m tired of writing.

Out.

Things on my mind… today

November 12, 2010 Leave a comment

~ Racism, yes, still. Entitlement, and the phenomenon of disassociation.

~ Blogging, on my production sheet?

~ Relationships, the unfamiliarity of this word and the actual value of.

~ And relatives, the holidays, and the stress that comes with. Believe me, as with most things “me”, you haven’t heard this take on the subject yet.

I may have to break these thoughts up over the next few days- but lets see how it goes…

1. Let’s get racism out of the way.

I like to say I’m racist. A play on words really. I say that I’m racist, because I recognize the races. In order ot have diversity one has to recognize the differences first, in order to learn to respect them and if possible, appreciate them. That is the act of being race-ist. Here is the Dictionary.com definition of the suffix “ist”.

a suffix of nouns, often corresponding to verbs ending in -ize  ornouns ending in -ism,  that denote a person who practices or isconcerned with something, or holds certain principles, doctrines,etc.: apologist; dramatist; machinist; novelist; realist; socialist;Thomist.

I rest my case on that one. When you define “ism” you get mention of words like “prejudice” and “discrimination, but only in third place mention after logical attributions such as a practice or process, such as a criticism, or plagiarism. In my experience the third definition and beyond are most times in deference to the cultural MIS-use, rather than actual definition, provided more for the understanding of language as spoken than to define actual words and guide their correct use.

Here is a link to many, many words that use the suffix “ism” and of which one could only still say it is relative to the root word- which for my purpose here is Race.

The reason I’m laying this groundwork is to distinguish of course, between the productive use of racism, and prejudice itself, or bigotry. You would want me to be racist, if you are of another culture than my own (which by the way, is likely not the one you would assume if you were a bigot), the same as you would want me to be sexist, and class-ist under other circumstances such as being a woman and needing help, hands full, with an open door for example, where it would be good of me to go into gentleman mode wouldn’t it? That’s relative to sexism, like it or not. Or if a member of the working poor, and I am the customer service rep at your local financial aid office- where as if I am class-ist, you can rest assured I understand the importance with which I need to handle your concerns since it is directly related to you improving your lifestyle, and life overall. If I were ignorant to the difference in classes, I would likely be flippant about the needs of those who struggle and sacrifice to raise themselves out of one class into a better one.

I’m no bigot though. And as with most other things I am or I am not, I don’t require a pat ont he back for them or look for one. I only am or am not those things because to me, they are either productive or a waste of time.

Bigotry lends itself to stupidity, and keeps you from opportunities, so therefore it is unproductive and I don’t adhere to it.

The opportunities are of course, getting to know people, ideas, customs, and a plethora of things that could enrich one, improve one, and further expand one’s experience in life- that one would otherwise be cut off from if making a pre-judgment of people, before getting to know them or allowing then to express themselves freely.

Racism, on the other hand, helps.

It helps to know how to say “shukran” to the halal guy I get my lunch from for example, because it’s polite for one, and it endears the man preparing my food which is invaluable if you live in a big city like this. Clean food- important. If I like my halal, which I do, I want him to know his job is appreciated and a happy halal guy makes a better, consistent meal than an unhappy one.

I could fill the blog with examples of constructive, attentive, productive racism, but I think I made my point in that small example so lets move on.

Now, the reason I’m writing about this at all of course has to do with the racial epithet thrown at me by one of, or both bloggers at the site mentioned in yesterday’s post.

This is where we get into Disassociation and Entitlement.

This is attached to my observations on the human condition. without getting too technical, in short, as humans, one of our many flaws is simply that we are forgetful. Those of us who Do know what bigotry is from the inside of it, we forget. In a way it’s a self defense mechanism, of course. Like we implement in mourning, we have internal mechanisms that purposely protect us from the bad feelings that would otherwise hurt us in the long run. So when we, who have had bigotry imposed on us, go on living for a time without any reminder of those experiences and no new experiences to list, we simply forget what it’s like.

I can tell you… from experience, it’s not nice.

It’s not a good feeling when someone shows you that ugliness from within themselves, and as someone who has struggled in life for more reasons than I am going to get into here, when someone randomly throws aside all relevant criteria and looks to disparage you with a reference to the race you appear to be, or your name may indicate a relation to- it strikes a shot fear through you like nothing else- not because (and this is most important) you necessarily fear THEM… but more so because the randomness with which they allowed that ugliness to rise to the surface is one so surprising, that it must occur to you as someone now discriminated against, that it’s an ugliness others are hiding within themselves as well.

And yes, sure, you could puff out your chest and feign ignorance tough guy- but let’s be honest here- if one day you woke up and realized that who you are is someone that people detested and loathed simply because of your appearance or who you are- wouldnt you be striken with fear as to what discrimination you’ll be facing as a result?

When you look for a place to live…

When you look for a job…

When you want to be treated fairly, with the same opportunity the next person would have…

You have to remember how that time you were in an exchange with those people, and for all intents and purposes it should have been a back and forth exchange of thoughts and ideas, however heated the exchange- all of a sudden they came out with the intent of reducing you to less than they, by referring to your race in a derogatory way.

And who else is out there with that in them that I may not even know feels this way?

You see… You want to say people are equal. You want to believe everyone IS equal… But someone who seeks to reduce your humanity by racial epithet- that person is not equal to me. As much as they want to put me down, I would hope the public, those observing, don’t do the easy thing and turn away- but rather- take note of it, see it for what it is, an acknowledge that it is that person who is lessened, and reduced to a lower level, than the person they called that racially referential name.

Then, in reference to the actual incident, the disgust permeates deeper when you have to witness their ignorance, and Disassociation, in the subsequent frenzy to excuse their behavior in this way and that- back and forth they go perusing your writing to try and find some way to blame YOU for the racist remark THEY made about you, doing anything and everything except admit how wrong they are- god forbid they realize about themselves, that they are EXACTLY the disgusting animals they have likely admonished others for being when they’ve witnessed racism.

No, it would be way too much to do to look at their own lives, look at their own habits, the company they keep, the unchecked arrogance of themselves and realize… “I’m a scumbag racist like others I have detested”. I imagine Michael Richards.

But more importantly is that Disassociation I keep referring to.

See, I was born to Latin parents. Mother from South American and father from an American Caribbean Island. I was born here, and raised here, a latchkey kid- so for anyone who doesn’t know what that means- I was raised by the TV. American culture, 100%.

If you get to know me on paper, without reference to my full name or appearance*, meaning the things I like, the things I do, who I am, the music I listen to etc. Then you might guess I am of a different ethnic background. You definitely wouldn’t guess I’m of Latin descent.

Point is, that people like me, of which there are many, know what it’s like to be accepted to some extent, since when I am not overly exposed to the sun I can be mistaken for anglo- but when I am exposed to the sun, especially near the equator, I see how I am looked at, and how I am treated differently because of my darker skin color.

I have friends who have a parent of Euro-descent, and therefore “pass” for white, to use colloquialisms. And they, by no fault of their own you understand, have no idea what prejudice feels like.

This, might be the case with those persons who so casually referred to me in a bigoted way.

I would be making my own assumptions about their race if I said any more than that so I won’t go there.  I could infer from their writing, but I would be stereotyping and generalizing and in the face of being wrong, I pass on that. I would rather be politically correct, than wrong, its got nothing to do with a respect for them, since I lost all respect for them as human beings when I read their bigoted reference to me.

I simply don’t know their race, and if I did I’d like to think that if I did think anything racially referential to them, I’d be smart enough, if not respectful enough of myself at least- not to actually mention it, and keep it professional.

I mean, I do know their gender, and I could go off on that level- and don’t. So I think my self assessment is on point.

So… in the end I don’t knwo whether to be grateful for the experience, or what?

It sucks to know that people, young people at that, who one would assume are educated, can’t be above primitive racial prejudices and can behave so casually at their own slip up. As if, it’s ok, or justified somehow? It’s scary as I said, because where there is one, there are likely more. And who knows how those prejudices will try and hurt you, or keep you down?

As a friend of mine posted subsequent to my hesitant blast about it- “Ignorance can spread like wildfire! Facebook has a group called “(website name omitted)” PLEASE don’t waste your time looking them up, you would be giving them attention  they do not merit, unless you are interested in giving suppressed bigots, any type of support or notoriety.”  And she’s right. She’s the mother of two beautiful kids and I can’t imagine how it feels for a mother to read something like that from fellow women? I don’t have any kids but if I did I would be so concerned for their future knowing people can harbor such casual prejudice in themselves.

In reference to this last point, what I’m saying is, is that once something like this happens, it has a palpable effect that does nothing more than spread the hate.

I’m riding in to work this morning and looking around at the beautiful women I would usually be admiring, doing the usual internal questioning I do, where I wonder if there actually is a woman out there to change my point of view of relationships, but today it’s with a sense of disgust that behind my shades could probably still be seen. And though as I said I really don’t know the make up of these people who used that word at me, but I can’t help but go with the assumption I can make in my mind. So I think to myself, these people, who on their blog, however “humorously” they claim to focus their writing, gripe about how they are treated by men, and their luck with men, have caused a ripple effect with one man, who has male and female friends of all races, that who knows? Could possibly ripple all the way back to them somehow, and further sour the experiences they seem already too comfortable complaining about.

Back when I was Mr. Relationship I made had one epiphany early on… and that was, that if I wanted to find a good woman, the one thing I could do- that I did have control over, was the effect I had on the women I had relationships with…

I resolved to put out good energy, so even if at I didn’t capitalize on any good energy from anyone else’s experiences before they came into my life, at least I could know that people effected by me weren’t going out there furthering the cause and effect problems people have in all relationships, and somehow, maybe, I’d be spared any more “ripple effect” on my end as a result.

I was idealistic, and like I said, “back when I was Mr. Relationship”… Though I am different now when it comes to relationships (nice segue eh?), I still believe in that ripple effect, causality as it were, and energy transference in its most casual sense. Myself, being the momentary proof of it.

As a result of that little experience yesterday, I can say with certainty, negativity passed  through me onto others. Even if I don’t actually take an opportunity to “one-up” or hold back the perceived class and race of those who tried to put me down, the laws of causality are so in-depth and unfathomable that I know just my attitude resulting from that experience must have effected someone else proximally.

And this, this way of expression, here and now, much different from what it would be if this were happening in a different way, say in a bar, as it did last time, a couple years back- where a guy caught a shot to the face on my way out, an hour after he thought he told me off by calling me a spick, is much more subdued, but as far as being the cause that effected negativity- it’s the same. We can only hope that like that guy, who I’m not proud to say had to pick up his teeth and pay a dentist god knows how much to get his face fixed for having mouthed off to the wrong guy, that the ripple effect reaches back at those people who spoke too freely at me yesterday as well. Then, and only then I think, will they actually learn how wrong what they did, was.

Again, Michael Richards comes to mind.

Otherwise, that sense of entitlement some people have, and the disassociation-sand they bury their heads in, myself included, will always keep bigotry and racism of the prejudice kind alive and well in American, and humanity.

A friend, who happens to be white, joked with me using the epithet on my Facebook page, but I know him, so I let it go, despite being hurt, despite being angry, and I joked back, changing the subject.

He’s a good friend and I know he doesn’t mean it with the intent those other people did… So I understand what African American people mean when they say “I can say the N word, and you can’t” to white people… but I just think it’s a shame that I have to.

——————-> More on the other subjects another day.

Out.

Maura Kelly & Should “Fatties” Get a Room? (Even on TV?)

October 28, 2010 2 comments

The following is a reply I’m posting to all blogs responding to the Maura Kelly blog about fat people- feel free to follow suit if you are as offended as I am at the spineless BS of the media- as IF we don’t have enough problems in this country getting honesty from the press;

“The real shame is when someone responds honestly to a question and instead of being asked to expound, they are instead Pounded into submission by a spineless editorial leadership. Ms. Kelly expressed what everyone feels and was brave enough and honest enough to innocently express it. It’s a crying shame indeed that when this happens a woman is not lauded for her frankness but instead is run asunder by the needing to be politically correct and thus giving misogynists even more reason to say the glass ceiling is there for a reason. Do you all know the damage you have done for sparing the feelings of people whose time has long seen past for this kind of

tough love help? America is overweight. Plain and simple. It’s a problem in part because it’s not addressed honestly, and an environment and market is made wide open for the deception of consumers desperately seeking solutions. Part of the solution is to be honest about what feelings obesity create in the general public. Speaking from experience, when one is made aware, clearly and without compromise the gravity of ones situation, that is when change begins to happen. No watered down apology or endless health news reports will do what the cold hard truth does. I think Marie Claire should reconsider their position and do their job in GUIDING the communication they are generously providing to their consumers rather than cowering and kowtowing to what they fear by mere presumption will be a backlash they cannot come out on top of. Today could have been a day where Marie Claire was heralded albeit controversially, for providing the truth in publishing, drawing more attention and readers than this scared little position they are taking. I feel sorry for women, having this type of representation. My respect goes out to Maura Kelly, and a slap on the wrist, but with understanding still, since we all have to pay the bills and are in the position where we cannot help but do as we are asked at times. The real shame as I’ve said twice already- is that she doesn’t work for editors with more spine- and that there seems to be a swarm of fellow women eager to take bites out of her like a veritable feeding frenz

y instead of rallying to support her, when all of you know you think the same thing- or you would all allow yourselves to get in the shape of those Ms. Kelly justifiably criticized.”

Additionally 

Disclaimer: marie claire logo is used for reference only,this blog has no affiliation with that entity

Disclaimer: marie claire logo is used for reference only,this blog has no affiliation with that entity

I think it’s a clear example of the low intellect of the American public that the media, be it Marie Claire or all who followed their lead in reporting the story, do it without one hint of the sentiments I’m expressing here. It’s as if the general, and accepted consensus is that people are too stupid to think for themselves and recognize that this is simply a blogger being honest. Leaders, as editors and news professionals are- like it or not- take no initiative in guiding communication in the appropriate- and INTELLIGENT direction for fear of being “unpopular”. And if being “popular” means keeping the attention of a majority group- then thats saying “the majority of the general public is stupid, so lets keep them happy”. As much as an obesity problem, America has a Stupidity, or rather, Education problem. This hasn’t been news to me, as I am a victim of it, but its in the news now because as is the case, pathetically, America doesn’t care about an issue until there’s a movie made about it (Waiting for Superman). And this little blip, is a direct result in my opinion- of that lack of education and resulting lack of intelligence in the public.